Difficut Mother

So many great stories. My mum is 94 and comes out with all sorts of things she would never have said when she was younger. She also enjoys telling the most embarrassing stories she can about me (some are true, some embroidered). The family all take it in their stride and joke about it.Your mum may well know how much she is winding you up, try ignoring her. We accept mum as she is, try not to be too embarrassed by what she says in public, take some of her complaints with a pinch of salt and enjoy some of the more risqué things. Above all we keep a sense of humour and stick together.

My mil always called me by my husband's first wife's name. She did not like it that they had split up, but it was wife who left husband. We have been married over 40 years now and mil has been gone 20 years but I am sure she would still be calling me by the wrong name. I just used to ignore it. I think she wanted a reaction but she never got one poor soul.

Difficult isn't it ! Both of my parents died before any of these problems fortunately ..but my OH is now 84 with vasculaire dementia and Parkinsons (both in early stages as yet !) I could never take him back to the UK ...he would be arrested ! Here we are fortunate not too many people understand him as he only speaks English ....if we are out, he will say 'Look at the size of her' when anyone large passes right by .......he is also derogatory about people of colour, 'foreigners' (I remind him we are foreigners here !)....swearing at people, etc etc ........it is somewhat embarrassing .....anyone who knows him takes no notice whatsoever, others I am always apologising to ! The local café owner, where we go a lot, knows him and is good with him they call each other names ! others ask me 'how is the cantankerous old b....r ?' I know it is going to get worse - now, if I ask him to be more thoughtful in what he says, he just shouts 'I will say what I want '.......maybe I should be looking to buy a purple coat with a red hat that doesn't go, and run my stick along the railings ......if you can't beat em you may as well join em !!

My mum once asked me in a theatrical (loud) whisper if I needed a wee wee before we left the crowded hospital waiting room. I was 47 at the time.

My mother was rather spiteful (not just in her old age) we used to wink at each other when mum was 'having a go' that always made us feel better. I think mum thought she was being funny (haha).

Once someone is over 80, I just shrug off any inappropriate comments/behavior. If it's really embarrassing or "off the wall," then I would suspect dementia and try to get some kind of help for them. I wouldn't have them around other family too much in that case either, but that doesn't seem to be the problem here.

I don't think mum has dementia or she wouldn't be able to deliberately change "Sophie" to "sofa." But some people seem to lose their social graces in their old age, and that may be what's happening.

I agree with the others - just warn Sophie and laugh about it when mum's not there.

Or... lol.... MAYBE try playing with mum's name - or calling her "chair" or "table" or something. She might decide that "sofa" isn't so funny, after all.

My late MIL, a Jewish lady who'd survived the Holocaust, was nearly 90 when she died.
Apparently she'd been a bit outspoken all her life. If someone walked by and didn't meet with her approval, she would say loudly: "Mein Gott! Don't she have no mirror?"
She had such a heavy Yiddish accent we just hoped no one understood her!

When people get to a certain perhaps they think they can get away with telling the truth now instead of covering for their true feelings i.e. saying they really don't like someone. People just don't like to hear the truth - too bad, I say.

My DM is 88, she has become more outspoken as she's got older, however she is polite to people's faces. Her memory is not as good as it was but GP has assured her it is old age & not Dementia.

She does however sometimes treat me as if I'm 6 not 61. No point getting annoyed or stressed, I'm lucky to have her as DF died at 69 & DStep-F was 71. She makes me laugh at times, great sense of humour so all's not lost.

I'm going to see her next month, 300 mile journey & I'm driving alone, she will worry about me, you never cease to be the child.

My mum is embarrassingly un-PC . When I take her out i seem to spend a lot of time apologising to strangers. She has dementia but she says the most awful things about foreigners, larger people etc . Most people accept that this is not uncommon for the elderly to do this but its still embarrassing

Zippy?
Oh that has absolutely made my day!!

I have a friend who has been married for 25 yrs having had a previous marriage which only lasted 3. His elderly mother still introduces his wife to her friends as his 'current wife'! It sounds as if he is a serial womaniser.

Blue60, your getting stressed is a problem and that will cause everyone concern.

Take everyone's advice and if possible find a way to laugh at it. She is most likely having a problem with remembering many things which she finds worrying and makes her difficult so says the first thing that comes into her head. The more you insist the more she will do it.

My experience is that people with the early stages of dementia tend to give up using names they can't remember because they are scared it will show their nearest and dearest that their memory is going. It was only once my Grandad's dementia became completely obvious I realised he hadn't used my name for about 2 years nor anybody else when we discussed it. We were always 'love' or 'dear'! I think Blue is probably right when she says that her mother has lost her filter. I have noticed this with a lot of elderly people and I wonder if it is just what they always wanted to say but were too polite. Now they consider themselves old enough to throw caution to the wind.

moobox please don't assume that your grandson's name only having three letters means that it won't be 'messed with'. My husband's late gran (who could be a nasty old harpy) knew full well what my name was...but insisted upon calling me Kim!
I just refused to answer, especially when she was waving her stick at me shouting "Kim"

My mum is 92 and dreadfully rude to almost everyone she meets. It's toe curlingly embarrassing. She's still very alert but I think she thinks she is being funny. I dread goinout with her sometimes especially to restaurants where she says awfull things to waitresses. I find myself laughing to show the waitress that Mum is not being serious but now I thin Mum takes this as encouragement to do it even more. Oh help someone please!

Be thankful you still have your mother...I lost mine when she was only 60 years old. I wish she was here. Ignore her ...and as someone else has said...warn people beforehand that she can be quite rude.

My son had a teenage friend called Seb. My husband insisted on calling him Zippy. There was no excuse, husband was only 40 at the time!

My late MiL was never very good with names even when in her younger years. Everyone was either Mrs Thingy round the Corner or U-know... when you looked puzzled she"de get quite cross as if you were being awkward for not knowing. Later on she sadly developed dementia and became totally gobbledygook in everything she said.

Hi Blue, I feel for you. She sounds difficult as mothers can be - they can wind you up, press your buttons, etc getting older is no fun but you're bearing the brunt.

Easy for people to say laugh things off. We're all different and when you're in the situation its not funny. I hope you have siblings or other family visiting your mother so it's not just you. Take care ?

I had a penfriend who turned up out of the blue. His name was Omar, like Omar Sharif, as we told my Nana, who was in her 80s. She persisted in calling him Omo, like the washing powder, for the week he was here. My mum kept correcting her constantly. Then as he was leaving, my mum said, well goodbye Omo. None of us could speak for laughing and poor Omar had no idea why!

Talking about names brought back memories, when I was first with my ex husband he used to call me 'pet' that was fine but friends of his thought it was my real name and it can be disarming when a complete male strange says 'hello pet' ( and we weren't up north either )
Why do peoplr think this old lady is cantankerous just because she calls a young lady a slightly wrong name either because of memory, mischievousness or just entertaining herself out of the boredom of old age ignore it you ll miss her when she's gone

Just before my mother died, aged 96, she told everyone in the room she was very fond of DH because he'd always done so much for her (true). She then turned to me and said, 'But you couldn't keep him on the straight and narrow.'

We all fell about laughing but when we got back to the car I asked him, 'OK, what does she know that I don't?'

Hi , I do wonder if she has very early stages of dementia? Often people are just very inappropriate. However as you say she may just be doing it to wind you up. Good Luck

When my Grandmother was 94 years old, she told me "You've never been pretty, but you have nice skin"!
I took no notice as it was just my turn to be picked on, she could be a nasty old biddy when the mood took her! She was still as sharp as a knife, but used her advanced age as an excuse for being naughty!