Friends or no friends...?

I have an old friend who is terrible about getting in touch but we always pick up immediately when we meet yup. I've tried leaving her to do the phoning, but then decided I'd rather keep the friendship than fret about which one of us phones first!
In terms of getting to know people, join a walking group! I belong top two; one is more social than serious walking, the other is the opposite, but with both groups we always have coffee together at the end and it's a real pleasure to bookend my week in this way.

Hi... best to quietly remove yourself from her.... making new friends is not so difficult; I moved 65 miles to another county to be with my OH even though I was working I was a bit lonely at first, then my "bestie" died which compounded it. I am retired now so spend a lot of time (fabulously) with OH, but I have made some lovely new friends through my swimming each week and through my lovely neighbours and via Twitter. Who would have expected that? Meeting up for girly days out. So suggest you might join some local clubs for whatever you enjoy doing or maybe volunteer.. . How about at any National Trust sites you have nearby?

Helena, I am quite quiet and reserved and do not make friends easily. Those I have are my children's friends' parents or my husband's schoolfriends and their families. I live a solitary life with my husband out at work for much of the day and I read and listen to the radio for company.

My daughter, on the other hand, is gregarious and has a multitude of friends.

She is being put through the wringer at the moment by the jealousy, stonewalling, capriciousness and sheer bullying on/off behaviour of her best friend. The others have their moments too. She has another friend who has ordered her not to have her wedding next year as this is the year in which she is getting married!

Of the two of us, I would say that, on the whole I am happier and calmer for having a little distance between the world and myself. I do not have the highs of friendship but, then, neither am I bullied or made miserable.

I do not think this other woman is your true friend. If she were she would consider your feelings and happiness. I would advise you to do what I advise my daughter:- there is no need to be rude or 'final' but back off and put a little distance between the two of you.

These "so called friends" that boast, bring you down and compare are not real friends in my opinion. Its more important to have quality friends rather than quantity. Friend a good friend that will support, be there and accept you for who you are - friends like that are worth their weight in gold. Whilst you spend a lot of time with your husband its still nice to have that company of a good female friend.

How wise lewlew.
helena drop her NOW. It is too easy to feel loyal for whatever reason. Remember the old maxim "you have friends for a reason, for a season and for life" - the problem is realising which is which!
My experience is that the WI is a very nice organisation - but, you will have the same sort of person there too. Make sure one of them doesn't attach herself and become toxic. On the other hand, going to Denman [WI] college in Oxon for various courses is terrific. I have been there five times now, always on my own and come back delighted, and with new skills.
Be brave. Good luck.

My 'friends' are absolute treasures. My 'acquaintances' I can take or leave (and they me, of course!) We must not diminish the former word. It is not a casual relationship and requires regular attention to attain maximum joy. I love it and am so grateful for it.

Helena, volunteering sounds perfect. You will be appreciated and the work rewarding. If you make friends along the way, that's a bonus.

No friendship or relationship (parent/child/partner) gives the other a right to abuse you and treat you as a doormat. Only you can change that by walking away should the other party not be interested in giving you the respect you deserve.

I had a friend.....

O had a friend who regularly made derisory comments about me whenever I saw her. She started to do this after her divorce, previously she hadn't done it. I stick with the friendship for several years because I felt she was basically unhappy after her divorce and that she would improve eventually. She didn't! I dropped her eventually, felt rather mean, but just felt I didn't need her negativity in my life. I don't regret it. My advice would be to drop her.

I had a friend like that - always took advantage and expecting me to drop everything when she needed help, often "forgot" her purse or credit card when we went out, always complained about how poor she was yet inherited a house and money from her parents, had 3 pensions and went on several holidays a year. I finally had enough and have not been in touch with her since Christmas and feel so much better for it.

Do you know the 3 part challenge?
When you...... (describe behaviour)
It makes me feel...... (whatever it is)
I'd prefer it if you/we ......(what would you prefer)

Easier said than done but might be worth a try

???

helena I think we all put up ( to a certain extent) with at least one friend, who brings negative vibes along with her.You know, the boaster, the moaner, or the one that never pays for anything so...is the friend worth putting up with these characteristics? I have one friend who is actually worth it, because although very negative, it's not really her fault, and she is kind in other ways.
Having said that, I did know somebody for years who wasn't worth it, and I gradually stopped meeting her.Sometimes you think, life is too short.
So, get out there and meet people, W.I. And other groups too, book group, history etc.Look on the meet up pages of GN , there may be others who live near you.

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I feel I've just made some new, good friends. Thank you so much ?

Ps. An old saying I like which helped me when I didn't even want to get out of bed in the morning Is this :- The Journey of a thousand miles starts with but just one step .

Brilliant & good luck I bet you will love it ???

"Friends" who take more out of the relationship than they bring to it are not really friends at all. If you're left feeling depressed and angry or upset after seeing them - get rid. They're doing you more harm than good. The WI is a good place to start to make new friends, or try U3A in your local area. Loads of different topics to try and all members are retired or semi retired. Good luck OP.

Thank you norose4. I've actually been thinking about doing some voluntary work and maybe joining the WI.. Its just a matter of being brave enough to make those first moves!

Thank you nanabilly, you are saying what I have been thinking. Thanks for the input.. ?

Hi Helena, you mentioned two issues really, I definitely agree it's not always a good idea to do everything together, now that your hubby has retired. Nor do you need to be putting up with a overpowering 'friend' it's such a waste of your time energy . perhaps belonging to a club of some sort like a group of gardeners or other hobbie you enjoy , where you can enjoy the company & involvement without it being to invasive , good luck & only do what suit s you?

Get rid of the negativity . I did and am so much happier camper and relaxed. If you always come back from seeing these so called friends feet had then I would not class it as a friendship at all.