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Feeling very alone

(10 Posts)
Anneishere Mon 17-Jul-17 09:53:56

Hello all. Since my redundancy in May of this year I seem to be getting days more often now than when I was working of feeling very alone. I can be with a crowd of people but finding it harder to shake this awful feeling of being alone? I go home to an empty flat with just my cat to talk to. I so miss having someone that you feel totally relaxed with and someone who you just do nothing with - if that makes sense. I lost my husband in 2008 & we were married for 35 years. We had our ups and downs of course - we were just normal. When I was working I suppose I had less time to think - work kept me focused. I find myself looking at couples my age with envy wishing I was in their position. I know it is true that you can be just as lonely if not more in a relationship - I tell myself this over and over. I tell myself there is so much to do in this world & and there is no need to be lonely but it's the companionship of someone I am missing - someone even to moan with! There are days I am finding difficult to snap out of this way of thinking. Even with my grandchildren - I watch the other grandparents together both enjoying their grandchildren & wishing I was in their position - I know my husband would have adored his grandchildren. Sorry for sounding so gloomy - & yes I probably need a kick up backside and count my blessings but am finding that hard too and I know there are a lot of people a lot worse off than me - just wish these feelings would disappear. I go out and smile at everyone and appear happy and able but feel myself screaming inside! I have an interview next week for voluntary work so hoping I get this voluntary work and this may change my awful attitude.

Thanks for listening...

sunseeker Mon 17-Jul-17 10:06:59

I identify with everything you say. I have been a widow since 2011 after 43 years and although I go out and see friends coming home to an empty house is still hard. We didn't have children out of choice but when I see friends and they talk of their grandchildren I do find myself getting a little jealous. For me it's not having someone to chat to about the day, discuss something I have seen or heard. Like you I put on a "front" when I am out and everyone thinks I am fine. Some days are better than others but in the evenings when I lock up I do feel very alone. I tried working in a charity shop but it wasn't for me, although the other workers were very friendly and welcoming so I would recommend you give it a try. Good luck.

Nanabilly Mon 17-Jul-17 10:13:06

You sound so sad ! I hope you get the voluntary work but if you don't get this one then look for another . After my dad died my mum was lonely , more so in the winter months and she got voluntary work in the coffee shop at the local hospital and her social circle expanded from zilch to regular outings and visits and calls and she was busier with friends than she had ever been so fingers crossed that it all works out for you.
Do you have any hobbies?
Can you join a club or group which involves that hobby?
When I retired from work (early medical retirement) after a couple of years of boredom I started a craft group in my local community centre . I don't go now but it's still thriving and I'm really proud of it . So if you can't find a group could you start one up .??
Good luck

Antonia Mon 17-Jul-17 11:16:49

I am sorry you feel so lonely. As others have said, joining a group would be useful, just to have some social contact. I hope you get the voluntary work you would like. flowers

Primrose65 Mon 17-Jul-17 11:39:58

Morning Annie. It sounds like you've had a rough time since you were made redundant. Going to work gives you a bit of structure and routine and keeps you busy. It can be really tough to plug the gap that it can leave. I know I'm much happier if I have a list of things to do and a full diary for the week.
I think we can all feel a bit lonely from time to time and we're afraid to admit it. But you're already doing something about it, you've applied for a voluntary role and you're talking to us here on GN! grin Those first steps are the hard ones.
Keep us all updated on how your application for voluntary work goes.

GrandmaMoira Mon 17-Jul-17 16:05:31

I do understand Anne. I was widowed in 2009, retired in 2013. As I had 2 sons at home until this year I was always busy. I am pleased my sons left, life is much easier but am beginning to feel more like you in that I would love a companion. Keeping busy is not quite the same. However, it's still much better being on your own than with someone you don't get on with.

rascal Wed 19-Jul-17 21:32:35

Hello Anneishere,
I'm so sorry you're feeling very alone. I understand how you're feeling. What you describe is how I still feel. My dear husband died very suddenly about ten years ago but I still feel alone. It is very difficult. I feel I will feel this way for the rest of my life. We had been together since 1969. Very happily married. It was the best time of my life. My family and I still can't believe it. Have you tried to contact the Silver Line? Perhaps you could become a Volunteer with them? Being a member of the Silver Line you could phone an elderly person or even become a pen friend. Maybe that could be a start? Perhaps it's worth thinking about? I try to tell myself that there are lots of people who live alone and wonder how they manage. I am thinking about you.
Best wishes to you. flowers

Granflower Fri 21-Jul-17 20:17:35

Hi I know just how you feel but my circumstances are different to yours, I chose to retire 2 years ago after a very full working life and my husband of 45 years has retired too. However, he spends most of his waking moments on an ipad playing computer games, which is very isolating and difficult to understand. He had a very demanding job and I was looking forward to spending time together and with our Grandchildren. Sadly he is happy on his computer and not really joining in the real world. I have tried everything I can think of. So after much thought and many false starts I have taken up volunteering, got myself an allotment(great for meeting people), signed up to courses with the WEA and U3A and really I am now enjoying life and meeting lots of new people. Not easy to start with but I am glad that I forced myself to make this new life for myself. Feeling lonely and alone is something I did not expect to experience but there is so much out there. Not for everyone but it worked for me. Good luck.

BlueBelle Fri 21-Jul-17 20:37:17

I totally emphasise Annieishere I was told I had to be let go before I was ready I was 68 and wanted to stay till I was 70 but they had a young replacement and in a way I was being selfish because of course we must make way for younger people but because I m alone (divorced many years) work was my social life as well as enjoyable work The same year first my Dad then my Mum died and I really could have done with still being at work I eventually found voluntary work three days a week about 15 hours and do lots of other things, but the days I go to my 'job' are the days I wake up happy knowing I have structure and worth to look forward to
Some people can fill their days easily, others prefer the daily routine
Do get some voluntary work is my only advise and feel useful again

Libralady Wed 23-Aug-17 22:08:38

Someone once told me 'you can feel lonely in a crowded room.' Very true.

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