Unwanted on Voyage.

honestly ,I think you're taking this in a way it probably wasn't meant.I often spent time with my sister to discuss my mum ,if she had turned up in the middle of it we'd have been annoyed too.or there were times when we had health issues we didn't want mum to know about and would prefer to talk about them together .Just accept thats how it is and move on.If your husband wanted to see the GS would it not have been better to ask him to your home ? You were having visitors anyway so one extra doesn't make much difference .

First of all can I say how lucky you are that your daughters want to spend time together! Mine don't but I have 3sisters and we are all close so I feel they are missing out on so much.
My youngest DD drops in here anytime but I would never drop in on her. She and husband often eat here, I think we have had 2 meals in their house in 7 years. It is easier here but even so!
I want to say that at some point your DDs will grow up and understand how to be kinder to you. Mine is 41 and I am waiting for it to happen. In the meantime learn by your ''' mistake''', then forget it. They love you really.?

I do not have a constant open house!
I said Mine was a open house... as in past tense and that is how it was even though I had a full time job until I had to retire.
I also do not/have not visited family or friends without contacting them first.

Perhaps you were not so much unwelcome as it was just inconvenient at that particular time. [Flowers]

anjanela, easy enough to say, 'Sorry I have to go' when a neighbour just calls in quickly to ask a favour, or chanced you were in to tell you something, but if it is family and they have driven 10 miles or more, much less easy.

Particularly difficult when you are not going anywhere but are working at home and have a deadline to meet.

Much easier to just to give a quick call to check, especially now we all have mobile phones.

Oh dear - an unfortunate misunderstanding. Best forgotten. I have several DDs and take great joy in the fact that they get on so well and do things together and like to have time that does not include the whole family. But you were not to know that this was one of those times and I can see that it felt uncomfortable. TBH I think it was unwise to "dig it out of" one of your DDs - this is one of those situations where least said might have been the best policy. I do hope that you will not take this all too much to heart. It really does sound like a simple misunderstanding that is best forgotten.

Now you know to only visit with an invitation.

My dds gather without me often, I don't know if there is significance to their visits, the visits are theirs not mine.

I wasn't the one who has a constant open house. That was another contributor.

It was not obvious to me that the whole thing had been scheduled until the visitors turned up and at that point I still didn't fully grasp it. These two sisters are very close and see each other quite often. The older one visiting the younger one frequently. They are in contact also by messenger and text. They have plenty of opportunities to talk. The house is large and open plan, it is easy for several conversations to take place at the same time. I couldn't see any problem, but there was one.

Melanie I see no problem with you dropping in to say goodbye to the grandson and it was DH who arranged it. In hindsight you stayed too long.

Why all the interrogation of the younger daughter? She must have found it difficult to say she wanted time alone with her sister.

As you say a lessoned learnt and from your later posts you seem to be seeing things differently. No offence was meant by your daughters or you
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MOnica if someone calls unexpectedly and you have an appointment you just tell them, sorry I have to be somewhere,

Could this attitude to people dropping in unexpectedly by a contributing fact to loneliness. I agree it is good to telephone but what happened when we were children and most people didn't have a phone. I know us expats living abroad do comment that you can only visit by appointment in the UK.

Your daughters had clearly organised their various meetings-up because they wanted to have time to talk to each other. I am surprised that this wasn't obvious to you since you knew all about the meetings. Of course you wanted to say good bye to the wanderer. All you had to do was ring up and ask his mother for a specific time when it would be convenient to call. Simples.

I would never visit anyone, family or friends, on the spur of the moment without phoning first to see if and when it would be convenient - or not.

It is fine to say you have a constant open house, when you have no other commanding commitments, but DH still works intermittently from home and we both have other commitments, some with deadlines, which we cannot cancel at the last minute. I work for a charity doing home visits to people in need. I cannot cancel appointments to desperate people on a whim because someone has dropped in for a chat.

I do know how op felt in a way. Dd1 and family came over for two weeks. I organised a family get together with dd2 and family and other relatives we hadn't seen for many years. Then we went away with Dd1 and family and she later joined her sister for a few days. When I saw their photos I was envious and really felt a pang about not being there. Really stupid because they had a lovely time and I hope did a bit of bonding with the cousins and DH and I would probably have put a dampner on things.

If you like an open house and people just dropping in that's lovely. But you shouldn't expect everyone to be like that just because you like it. Surely people can do things the way they want in their own house.

Melanie. You have every right to be upset. ACs today seem to think everything revolves around them and their precious time.
I have never had and still don't have a problem with family or friends dropping into my home unannounced. Mine was a open house.
Other family members are not so accommodating. One in particular will not allow anyone to visit her home but she constantly visits unannounced and would stay all day when her husband was on nights.
She moved to France last year and didn't tell anyone her new address or what part of France she's in!! Some people are just plain self absorbed and self interested to really care about other peoples' feelings or how their behaviour affects others.

I'm sorry you were hurt Melanie but that first paragraph about the men just made me laugh out loud. ?
Yup, Dr Hindsight cures many ills!

That's very true Ilovecheese. Mr. S. is one of 5 and feels once his mum goes there'll be very little contact between him and his brothers and sisters and sadly, I think he's probably right.

I understand that you felt hurt and sympathise, but isn't it lovely that the sisters get on well together. It is a really good thing that they have their own relationship.
It is hard for us to think that we won't always be around, but we wont be, and it is lovely to think that sisters will still be friends and enjoy being together when we are not acting as the "glue" that keeps them together.

My husband just said:- "where are you tomorrow?" The teenager answered "At Mum's". That's enough in their book, it says it all. Men of few words.

However, knowing what I know now I wouldn't have gone and if I did go I would have said "We've just come to say a quick goodbye to Fred and then we'll be off". Unfortunately THEN, I didn't know what I know NOW. I assumed we would be welcome. Another lesson learned.

Melanie said in her second post Eglantine that her husband had been in touch with his GS to find a suitable time so it looks as if the GS failed to mention it anyone.

Had you made an arrangement with the adventurous boy to call then? If not I'm afraid you have to accept that you called uninvited and that always bears with it the possibility of being unwelcome. It's a risk that you take.
As Smileless says it wasn't a family gathering. It was two sisters having a good old chinwag, whose visit maybe went on longer than planned.

some rather harsh responses on here; thoughtless, selfish and gatecrashing.

Your husband wanted to say goodbye to his GS before he went away which is a perfectly reasonable thing to do and why you went Melanie.

I do think you're wrong to have seen their get together as a family event of some significance when it sounds as if it wasn't. I don't think that you should have been made to feel unwelcome though especially by your own daughters and it would be upsetting for any parent to be told, after the event, that their visit was unwanted.

I'd try not to dwell on it, what's done is done and it's good that your d's have a close relationship which can't be said of all siblings. You haven't said if during the conversation with your youngest D you told her the reason you did pop in; I hope you did.

Please don't forget that the reason we went was to say goodbye to the "adventurous" boy who off the next day. He doesn't live at home so my husband had been keeping in touch with him in order to find a suitable time. I myself wouldn't have gone but I accompanied my husband. My daughters had already had two hours together when we turned up. That's why we went, not to shoehorn ourselves into the visit.

How strange that you had your visit and then went along on someone else's visit I m guessing now you wished you d just said good bye and left it at just that
I think you were wrong to gatecrash if you had wanted the family together why didn't you invite the other daughters to your house in the first place
Obviously the girls had something to discuss that they didn't want to share with you and you made it very difficult for them
I can see where in your excitement you didn't for a minute think it through but now you have thought it through can't you see how difficult and perhaps embarrassing you made it for them and you didn't even seem to take the hint when they went off round the garden without you
I d just try and forget about it and do the inviting in future

There are many things that sisters like to talk about without their parent(s) there. It was unfortunate, but I shouldn't get too hot and bothered about it. It is lovely that they get on well together - many siblings don't.

Sorry but yes you are being unreasonable. You had your visit so why should you have invited yourself along to the sisters time together. Thoughtless is the word that springs to mind and selfish is another. Sorry but I'm sure if you sit and think about your actions you will see it too.