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Advice please

(6 Posts)
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pooger24 Fri 15-Sept-17 16:29:50

Our younger daughter who is married with one baby and lives 20 mins away from us is suffering from anxiety and depression. She is seeing a therapist she trusts and is on medication. She used to visit us all the time and was a part of our lives. Now she has withdrawn and doesn't call or reply to texts. She pulled out of a family holiday to celebrate my husband's birthday recently. If there is a family meal she doesn't come. She says she is working through lots of problems from the past and assures me that she will be OK but needs time. I feel very low about it all. She had bad post natal depression after the birth of her baby nearly 2 years ago and stayed with us for a few weeks and says that she is now suffering from post traumatic stress disorder. She asked me to go to family therapy with her and I went along and thought it was helpful but she won't go again. The rest of the family keep asking me how she is and I don't know what to say. She tells me her marriage is good. She asked me to look after her baby once a week this term while she works and I am doing it but only see her for a few minutes when she collects him.....she won't come into our house for more than a couple of minutes. Has anyone been through this? Any advice? I am so sad - she used to be the life and soul of the family

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Grannyknot Fri 15-Sept-17 16:49:14

Hi pooger it sounds as if your daughter is doing all She can to get well, on her terms.

I don't have advice about your daughter but all I would say when asked about her by family or friends is "She is struggling a bit at the moment, but working hard on getting better" or something similar.

flowers for you.

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Anniebach Fri 15-Sept-17 17:00:56

Give her time, it's important she takes her recovery at her pace, I know from experience how difficult it is for you but just be as usual with her . Some medication can cause a person to withdraw too. X

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BlueBelle Fri 15-Sept-17 17:14:12

Pooger I can only add to what others have said time is her main need, let her do it her way it is dreadfully hard for those watching and it's so tempting to try and 'mend' our kids Keep helping her through the grandchild and just be there for whatever she is able, she sounds like she is doing all the right things to heal herself, she may be afraid of groups ( family meal and holiday) because people may ask her questions about how she is etc
Good luck just be patient and content she is working, she has a good marriage, a baby and doing everything right to try to heal herself
?

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Violetfloss Fri 15-Sept-17 17:14:20

Been exactly where your daughter is. Depression and Anxiety changes everything about you.
Don't pressure her, don't say things like 'people have it worse than you' and my personal favourite 'just snap out of it'
You havn't got to understand it just respect that she is going through something awful.

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Ilovecheese Fri 15-Sept-17 17:15:06

I have a similar situation with one of my daughters, although she doesn't live nearby. It is very sad, but I have tried to make a decision that this is not going to take over my whole life, nor that of the rest of the family. I accept that it makes me and her sisters both sad and at times, angry and resentful.
I try to sort of lock it away, as I feel I owe it to her sisters and their children not to let it dominate our lives.
This may sound a bit harsh, but we do what we can to survive, don't we.
When people ask how she is I tend to say "oh not too bad at the moment" "Or "not too bad when I last heard", but my stomache sinks every time, so I know how you feel about that.
These mental health issues are an illness as much as a physical illness, and of course it makes us sad when it happens to our children.
My best wishes to you.

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