Breakups....should she tell him?

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She's out of a relationship that was bad for her, let sleeping dogs lie.
Envious I don't mind being called 'guy' at all

I was in contact today and she's been reading the comments and hasn't done anything. She did a lot of thinking and actually told me when they broke up she looked at him and realized she didn't have that strong attraction and felt she saw him in real light for the bully he was. I think it's made her strong and she can look to the future. I told her we can celebrate someway do something fun. Thanks guys! Sorry about the guys but it's a American habit.

Definitely, definitely warn your dear Daughter, Envious, not to contact this "man", and I use the term loosely.
I was in a controlling relationship years ago until I saw the light and ended it. I nearly ended up contacting him after he sent me a nasty, abusive letter, to ask him why he had sent it, but Thank Goodness for a wise Friend who was able to see what would have happened had I contacted him, and persuaded me to ignore him. Best advice ever, and I got over that letter realising that what he was doing was trying to reel me back into his web. Yes, it was hard because I ( falsely, I later realised ) blamed myself. Don't let your Daughter fall into that trap, and get her to read these answers. We are all rooting for her. ???.

Yes, would not be good to open any line of communication again. However, her angst has to go somewhere. My friend in similar circumstances anonymously sent her ex leaflets on alcoholism plus anger management issues and how to get help with them ! That helped her immensely just picturing his face when they arrived.

Perhaps she didn't tell him the truth because she was scared of his bad temper erupting. Yes she's let him off the hook, but he cannot be oblivious to his temper issues.

Envious. Not just one but two failed relationships both involving bad temper ?Lightening rarely strikes twice in the same place.Is your friend now saying she was to blame? Does she still carry a torch for this man.No way should she send him a letter where is her pride?
Its over.Why should she care what goes on in this man's life should he get involved in another relationship?
I would suggest however your friend seek counselling to get rid of these thoughts before embarking on any further relationships.

She is lucky on two counts, she's well rid of him and she has you. Encourage her to embrace her single status. Under NO circumstances should she contact him. Encourage her to delete his number from her phone and e mail. She has escaped, help her to come to terms with this. It sounds like you are a good friend.

It might help your friend if she wrote him a letter (but didn't post it) saying what it is she wants to tell him. Sometimes just putting things down on paper is enough to help settle things in your mind. She can then rip the letter up or just pop it into a drawer somewhere out of sight.

There is no point in having an inquest into a failed relationship.
There is no point in telling a man with a bad temper that he has a bad temper. That includes being unpredictable and who knows how he might react.
It is easy for people to get attracted to the drama of men like this and even if she is regretting breaking up with him I don't think that she should be encouraged to contact him in any way.

Sounds like she still hopes he can change and stop being a bad tempered person and that the relationship might then be salvageable. There's really no point in telling your ex what you disliked about them. It isn't likely to change their character and may make them pretend to change in order to get back together.

Your friend took all the blame which was sensible for her own safety. She was in fact using a technique called 'going one down' i.e it must be my problem you are feeling so angry as I have not understood what is so very important to you. I'm sorry its my fault.

She should not make any further contact with him.

Leave it be, unless she regrets her decision.

She did the sensible thing- leave well alone.

Instead of trying to contact this bloke, she needs to get into counseling and find out why she keeps being drawn to met with "bad tempers." And why she was willing to take the blame for it all. But Idk if you can tell her that or if she would listen.

I don't think she is ready to draw a line under the relationship and move on.

That is a thought glammanana but when they had problems in the past she was the one starting it up again. I do believe she will stay away now that she feels relieved and glad it's over. She said he blocked her on Facebook and is sure he will not bother her. Sure glad im happily married. We are much too "old" to deal with such and life's way too short now.

If she contacts him she is giving him the green light to stay in contact,tell her to stay put and leave things as they are and be glad she made a lucky escape.

She need be glad it ended peacefully!

Even better I'll suggest she join gransnet. Lots of support here!

Yes indeed - all of the above!

I will take a pic and send her these messages! Surely they will help! Got me smiling. Why do woman let men have such power over them??

Whaaaaatttttt!!! Sorry but I had to read this through twice to try to understand it.
So she used to be married to a "bad tempered" guy, then she got involved with a man with a "bad temper" and she finished it amicably with him yesterday.
Who cares if he feels badly about her? well obviously, she does.
If they parted without anger, tell her for goodness sake to leave it at that.
She owes him nothing!
How dare he be bad tempered with her when he has only known her for a year. I would like to kick him up his butt.
Keep her away from him!