Reunion with adopted daughter

As someone who was adopted 61 years ago this December I'm very interested in this thread and hope that your relationship with your daughter nanaloca grows and blossoms. One thing that has held me back from trying to find my birth parents is how my mum (and she is my mum as she's the only one I've known) would feel. I know she swings between supporting and denying - when my Dad died she said she'd support me finding them but then swung back the other way so I'm not sure if she'd be OK with it or feel rejected insome way. She's 93 now

Christinefrance, I understand your comments. Physical and other characteristics can be seen amongst family members, genetics at play. However, that phrase blood is thicker than water suggests that the so called blood bond is more important than nurture. That just isn't so. The 'blood bond' doesn't prevent all manner of dreadful things happening between parents and children.
Adoption isn't a guarantee of happiness but neither is growing up in your birth family.
l want to stress how positive the OP's news is and how much I admire the way she's approaching it. Wish her and her daughter all the best.

I can only speak personally of course, initially I was speaking more of the emotional bond but then we got into physical similarities.
I am happy for those people reunited with parents / children but for me I could not imagine an emotional parental bond with someone I didn't know.
I also have some reservations about the motives of older birth parents seeking out children.
Is this something we should do when faced with our own mortality.? I don't have any answers just asking the question. Sometimes the hype of TV shows such as Jeremy Kyle and Long Lost Family gets in the way of reality.

Nelliemoser! Peas in a pod, lovely photo of your family.
Not only are my daughter and twin grand-daughters practically identical to me. I have gone into a new garage and have been told that my son has just left. I look puzzled and ask how they know who my son is and they smiled and pointed to my face.

Odd genetic things in families likes and dislikes are passed on and show up in mannerisms etc. They are somehow passed on though generations by the genes.

When DGS 1 was about 2 and 3 he was to be seen walking with his hands behind his back in exactly the same way my dad did. It was really interesting, he has seem to have stopped it now. His great grandad died in 2002 .

I have a picture of my son and his great grandad holding their heads in the same way. (I tampered with the picture. and put DS's head next to his great grandad.)

Christinefrance:
There is a genetic bond, definitely!
You personally might not have picked your Mother from a room of people.
But as I said, I could definitely pick out my daughter from a crowd if we hadn't met since birth. We are practically identical in looks. How could nurture have anything to do with that?

So sorry Flamenco

BamBam Blood should be thicker than water, for the reasons you say. My beloved GD looks just like her mum [my estD] at the same age, it was a shock when I saw a picture of her, not having done so for 5yrs, and broke my heart to see. I remember my dad showing a picture to my D, saying who's that, me! she replied, but it was me!
I have those pictures in a double frame, I would love to show my beloved GD So Grandmother, Daughter & Granddaughter all looked identical at the same ages!

Sorry again BamBam speaking purely from a personal point of view I would not have picked my birth mother out from any group of people. For me its always nurture not nature.

How wonderful, I hope it all goes well. I was adopted by wonderful parents and later searched for my birth mother, unfortunately she felt it was all too long ago and didn't want to meet. I could understand this. I found a half brother and it was wonderful we love each other to bits. I truly wish you well.

Christine france. There is actually a genetic bond with the "blood is thicker than water" .
So there will be physical similarities and mannerisms that will give a bond, more than there would be by meeting someone who is unrelated.
My daughter and Gc are so alike in looks, voices, mannerisms etc. to me, it's unbelievable.
People comment on it a lot when we're out together.
So! If I had not seen my daughter from birth, I would beable to pick her out of a room full of people.
And there would be an instant Genetic bond i.e. "Blood is thicker than water".

Once more thank you dear gransnettersur, the best wishes and advice mean a lot. Can I just say that for those mothers and siblings still looking for their family that the Government Adoption Register is how I made contact with my daughter. It is a service that puts families who register on it back in touch with each other, I registered 5 years ago, my daughter also used the service and within 4 weeks had my details, the officials contact the birth mother to confirm she wishes her contact details are given, and the rest as they say is history!! It is early days yet and I am determined to let the relationship grow slowly, after all we have 50 years to catch up on. Best wished to all who are still searching and I wish with all my heart you find your missing family member.

Wonderful story Nanaloca Sounds like you will have many, many years of happiness with your found Daughter. God Bless you both xx

Shesanana So sorry you didn't get to meet your birth Mother

How wonderful.

So happy for you xx

It's my understanding that (research shows) many women who gave up their babies, never had any more children....... so very sad. Surely it's always worth knowing what happened to your child (or birth mother)

So pleased that your meeting went well Nanaloca. I would give anything to have met my birth mother. I only found out last year that I was adopted and it will be 30 years next month since she died. I am now trying to trace my birth father's family as I would love to discover whether I have any half siblings. Sadly my birth mother had no more children.

I hope all goes well with your meeting I am a little envious as I am trying to find my daughter who is proving elusive.
Many years ago I met my half sister who I had never seen it was very strange and strained and we were like strangers although the meeting was out of necessity not to try and get to know her.

I had my son at 17 and I was lucky enough to have a supportive mum so I kept him. I later married and am happy but we chose not to have more children. Our Ddil is adopted and we were involved in her meeting her birth mum. It's been a positive reunion and my DH and I have become friends with Ddil's birth mum - who is the same age as me. I can see that mother and daughter are so alike in looks and in some mannerisms. And I nearly cried when I saw that mum's childhood photos look exactly like the grandaughter we now share. A happy ending after nearly fifty years. I am so conscious that it could have been me, and I'm so grateful to my mum.

Nanaloca - delighted for you and hoping that your relationship will blossom.

Nanaloca, it sounds as if a great weight has been lifted from your shoulders. Continue to enjoy your new found friendship with your daughter. I wish you well.

Sorry sarahellenwhitney can't agree with the blood is thicker than water sentiment apart from the literal meaning. What bond can there possibly be ?

nanaloca How wonderful for you and so rewarding to know that she has made such a success of her life .You not only have a daughter but grandchildren as a bonus
Blood is thicker than water and although she was raised by another the bond you have between your daughter and grandchildren will never change no matter the mileage that has separated you.

So happy for both you and your DD.
Your lovely daughter has gained a wider family network
and a new chapter for both of you.
You will now be able give some closure to all the questions your DD will have been quietly waiting the answers for.

Hoping this is an early Christmas present for you both.

So pleased for you Nanaloca!