Husband with ? Aspergers

I have felt much better since I have realised the situation.
And less guilty about my own needs for company and social activity.
I can understand the need to give him a definite structured day wnen he is home rather than wishing he would take the initiative.
Many thanks to everyone.

The Man of the Moment has Aspergers but because he knows and acknowledges it we can deal with it. I try not to get impatient with the insistence on routine and careful detail (which is very good for me because I am a hasty, haphazard person). I am very specific about my feelings and what I need. At dinner the other night I said "Now Iam going to stop talking because you are making me cross because..... Just stopping talking and hoping he would realise he had upset me wouldn't work. Equally I am very clear about what makes me happy and he has learned to adjust his behaviour to get Happy Mode from me.
On the plus side he is generous, intelligent, interesting and often very funny in his responses (though I often have to explain why I am laughing) .
And there is the definite bonus of physical attraction!
Oh and of course I don't have to live with him

I really am very fond of him❤️

Morgana, my DH has problems with the clocks changing too. It seems to upset his equilibrium somehow. He goes on and on about it too. I am pretty sure he does have Asperger syndrome too.

D.H. can be very odd. Sometimes I am not sure if it is Aspergers, being male or memory loss. I dread the changing of the clocks when we have days and days of his complaining about it.

Nellie you describe my ex SiL which is a major factor in D leaving him. I know how it affected her.

I know you were MawBroon and it's not your fault that it's such a sore point but it is a sore point for so many and they're just invisible.

Feel free to grump away nelliemoser you are not being negative I was just doing my usual thing of trying to make light of it because if I can’t smile about something I usually cry jane10

Grump away Nelliemoser we will provide a sounding board. Enjoy your time with friends, good luck

Oh yes. my OH fits a particularly great number of the characteristics of Aspergers and to be blunt it is extremely hard work with very few rewards for the partner.

He is not a nasty person but utterly wearing.

As far as he is concerned it is about his needs and what he wants, talking to people about his interests for such long times that they go glassy eyed and excuse themselves.
There is no joy or humour. no sense of fun a simple remark, meant to be funny, is taken literally and analysed or argued over.

www.aspires-relationships.com/articles_as_characteristics.htm
He fits most of the characteristic in the lists apart from the section.
"Morbid (shared, dual, multiple) Diagnostic Conditions"

"There is much more understanding and support around these days but it can depend a lot on where people are.
There are support groups for partners of people with ASD."

Yes indeed there are support groups I have tried them with very little joy.
When someone with the condition is so tied up with their own obsessions rituals etc there is little room for the needs of the partner .
It is very difficult to get any emotional support at all. I feel very lonely and muddle along with the support of friends not including my OH.
Why do I feel I might just get some flack because of my very negative stance.
So when I come on here being a right grumpy b****r you will know why.

When I was pregnant with our first child I said something about the pregnancy and he said 'you're getting boring already'. After that we never discussed it. He then seemed to suffer from some sort of post natal depression when the baby was born [sorry; not really relevant but I needed to get it off my chest; still hurts after all these years].

I'm pretty sure my marriage ended because I didn't understand why my husband seemed so uncaring in lots of ways, but would get very emotional about other things. My marriage was a very lonely one. We are still good friends; he is a really good guy, very loyal and generous but doesn't understand any need to talk about 'feelings'. Life is like work; you have a problem, you sort it out, you move on, is what he used to say.The Chris Packham programme was wonderful.

Sorry, that quiz appears to be out of date, but there are others you could try.

Why don't you try taking a quiz. this is the one that my DH and I did. We found out that he is probably an Aspie, I'm absolutely neurotypical.

Sorry, I was being flippant but still think that Paw (and his brother) are on the spectrum as are many people (not always men, but so often) who grew up before it had been recognised.

Thank you Jane. I am a 60 yr old female with Aspergers and comments like the first 2 are exactly the sort of thing that are making my life more difficult at the moment.

I agree with Jane and Nina Here in rural France the mental health care is very poor. I know a SW who despairs at the authorities believing that autism is somehow the fault of the families, hopefully the UK has moved beyond this.

Well said Jane and Nina.

Yes I'm being pompous but this has been my work and continues to be in
my retirement. Children with Aspergers grow into adults with Aspergers. They form relationships, have families but may well continue to struggle socially. Partners can have a very difficult time.
I commend Chris Packhams recent documentary. He said things I've been hearing people with AS say constantly over the years.
Sermon over!

Entirely true ninathenana. With all due respect MawBroon and gagagran those sorts of responses are what has held back progress for people with Aspergers for decades.
There is much more understanding and support around these days but it can depend a lot on where people are.
There are support groups for partners of people with ASD.

Aspergers is a genetic nerobiological condition and is nothing to do with upbringing.

I’m with gagagran!
Especially Englishmen who have had a same -sex (independent) education and mothers who failed to nurture their feminine side.
I’m saying no more....

Don't they all have some of them? Some only slightly, others noticeably more. I think everyone is on the spectrum but it does affect men more I believe.