Husband can’t cope with new dog

I know that when I got Hattie, everybody (well some people) said I should have waited until paw was out of the woods/out of hospital and there have been times when she has, shall we say “complicated” my life, but I maintain she was and is the RIGHT DOG and the right dog, albeit at the WRONG time is infinitely than the WRONG dog at any time at all.
Don’t know what that adds to anything, but just wanted to hear it for a rescue dog!

So sorry I didn't at first realise your husband was ill, or that you had 45 years experience. I'm afraid my brain is foggy with chemotherapy. Of course you must put your husband first. Best wishes xx

My husband's happiness and comfort would come first every time.

Its got to be your DH, its obvious its turned out to be the wrong time to take on a new dog. I am sure you will be able to make the right arrangements, maybe the dog owning life will have to be in the past.

I think ruthiek knows just what it takes to train a dog, after 45 years and 10 rescue dogs, and she knows how long it takes. She feels that her husband is not well enough to have this going on - and perhaps she too is not strong enough to support him AND have all the hassle of an uncontrolled dog too.

If she decides to return the dog (with an explanation of why), she will feel enough guilt without the addition of posts urging her to continue and blaming her for giving up too soon.

For goodness sake the OP made an error of judgement, we have all done that.
ruthiek concentrate on getting your husband well and let someone else care for the dog. I am a dog lover and have three but in this situation there are no winners.

What does your husband want to do? Keep the dog or give it up? Or is he leaving the decision to you?

Depending on how ill he is and what he is suffering from, having a dog might just be a good thing, but unless you both really want to keep this dog and give her a chance, AND you have the time and the strength to train the dog and look after your husband without running yourself into the ground, I am afraid it would be better for all three if you returned the dog to the shelter with a proper explanation of why you sadly cannot keep her.

Btw I have cancer and I'm 61, and my puppy is still only 8 months old and still very much hard work. I have coped (just about), and I'm back out walking her 2 days after my chemotherapy sessions. She is turning into a lovely little companion, and I'm so glad I didn't give up when I went through surgeries and was also very ill.

A month is no time at all to train a dog, especially a rescue who may have been roaming the streets, or badly treated. It will take time, patience, love and understanding. I stood outside freezing for about 8 weeks until my puppy got to know that she had to do her business before going inside. Over the top praise like a nutter, and treats when the dig has done well. Please ask me for any tips on anything. Good luck

Please give the dog a chance,remember she is in a strange home and environment and maybe hasn't settled yet, a month is not a long time
You don't say how she is not trained,
I think your husband would get a lot of pleasure out of training her,and no doubt she will repay you for rescuing her with loyalty and affection
My sister got a rescue dog and ended up taking it back, and still feels guilty

Poor dog if you feel you can’t keep her then be good to get her back to rescue centre today rather than tomorrow. she is already a rescue and it will unsettle her even more, your DH has you she will need to start over again.

In this exact position a few years ago. Experienced dog owners, ill husband. Got small terrier x after much debate. She was a terror, never stopped. Lead my husband chronically ill husband to say she had ruined his life. Came very, very close to re-homing. That was 8 years ago, she is now a devoted companion and has made a huge positive impact. I would say stick with it, perhaps get a trainer in?

ruthiek are you prepared to share what the problems are?
Is your husband gravely ill or just under pressure (I respect your need for anonymity) and as experienced dog owners what prompted you to choose this dog? A challenge?
My bottom line is is she trainable? Some rescue dogs from abroad arrive so traumatised they may be beyond help even with the most dedicated owner. Otherwise why not discuss the situation with the rehoming centre? A reputable centre will want to do what is best for you both. Perhaps have her back on a temporary basis until,the current medical crisis (if it is) is over or else advice with a behavioural expert.
You do not say in what way the dog is “untrained” although I did ask. Many kennel dogs (beagles from research labs) are untrained but that need not mean they are impossible to train.
However if your heart is not in it, give the dog a chance with another family. She has done nothing wrong.

Do we know which breed of dog this is? I would have thought training a dog at four years old would be quite a challenge but not impossible.

If the OP's husband is the one finding it hard then most of the work will fall to the OP and she may be run off her feet coping with her DH's needs.

It's a shame there wasn't more thought put into the decision to home a rescue dog in the first place. We're none of us getting any younger!

Has your husband seen a doctor? 45 years of rescuing dogs will have prepared you for the issues they bring with them. As with Anya, the most difficult rescue we ever brought home became just the most loved and easy to care for dog we've ever had. In contrast a puppy we chose carefully from a good breeder, saw both parents and the rest of the litter etc etc - nightmare. I feared my husband might move out at one point but I brought the pup home and I've never rejected a rescue or foster, never mind a pup I selected. The pup is now much loved by my husband who finds his special ways entertaining.
I hope you can resolve this and don't see it as simply a 'take the dog back' situation.

Having a dog means you have to make the effort and that can often be therapeutic if you have stress or mental health issues as it gives something to focus on. My guess is you need an instant resolve or I would say don't give up on the dog but attend dog training classes where you can both be involved in its training.

Mawbroon
I admire the common sense in your reply..
I am a sucker where animals are concerned especially dogs.Patience is required when you adopt a dog as would be expected were you adopting a human being.
I am thinking of the dog where my advice is concerned as I have no doubts this poor animal is seen as a nuisance. Was no thought put into it before it was decided to adopt a dog that had already been owned by another?Then he /she, I would not refer to a human as an IT so why an animal, should be returned to the home.

Maw broon...couldn't agree more!

Thank goodness you responded to Mawbroon telling her your husband had become ill. It was not mentioned in your original post and I thought the same as Mawbroon. In the circumstances you have no alternative but to return the little mite to the rescue centre. A sad set of circumstances for all, but needs must.

Of course everyone feels sorry for this dog as it's not his fault he's not been trained properly in the past. BUT... One's own husband or wife has to come before everything and everyone else - whether a dog or another person and no matter how nice or deserving they are.

It is all very well someone saying take the long view and believing that once the dog has been retrained to be the way you want him to be you will be glad that you persevered, but your husband is in need of some consideration NOW and if you leave him stressed you could find yourself with a perfect dog and a very sick husband.

Hello

It is a difficult situation but a dog is a really good distraction from our problems of ill health etc. A good reason to go out for a daily walk and a change of scene.

Is it possible to get some good dog training sessions built in around your day? I would consider asking for help from the rescue people.

As you said you DH might regret it if dog goes back to rescue.

Dogs are good for us, stroking is good for our hearts and well being, so if the dog could calm down and settle this might be really good for both of you?

But of course it is yours and your DH decision and I don't mean to put pressure on you.

Best wishes with the outcome.

Maybe you and this dog are just not suited to each other and it might be happier elsewhere. The perfect dog for you is out there somewhere, you just have to find it and give the loving home that it deserves.

I agree with Anya. Keep the dog. A month is not long enough for the dog to have understood your way of doing things. You will both have the reward of seeing the dog become a valued friend and companion. You need to take a long term view.

If your usually 'rock' of a husband is not coping, then of course his needs should be paramount. Dog's needs versus husband's - seems like a no brainer to me!