Husband can’t cope with new dog

I honestly can't understand the decision between dog or DH esp as he is ill? When my dear sister's husband was suffering a terrible degenerative illness, their/his dog developed all sorts of lumps on her body. My sister walked her to vets, explained what was going on with DH and that, when the time came for dog, she needed help and support. Sure enough, their DS2 came to stay towards the end to support his dear Mum and one day, my dear sister said, it's time-she could no longer cope with dog as well, so their DS2 walked dog to vets and left her there to be euthanised. No contest IMHO

Ruthiek, whatever you choose, it must be right for all of you.I wish you luck and best wishes, let us know how you get on.

Crumbs. No one deserves that bumblebee. Obviously you have a sting in your tail. Having said that I think ruthiek has explained that when they took on the dog all seemed well so she and her OH certainly don't deserve your comments. People do things from the best of motives that then go wrong.

Bez1989 I didn't mean that the dog was in any way the 'last straw' but that this had already been reached. It is often only when things start to get better that we allow ourselves to 'not cope'. I thought the answer was to look after the OH but really what do any of us know. Only ruthiek and her other half really have enough insight to make a decision.

Thanks Elegran - I've just caught up with this post. I said earlier that the most difficult dog I ever had is now my younger dog aged 5. He's been a real challenge, despite arriving as a carefully chosen pup and being well socialised, trained etc. If I hadn't had experience of rescues, fosters and other dogs over 45 years, I'd have given up. The OP has asked for and been given lots of advice. It's up to her what she decides to do. We all sometimes find ourselves in situations we wouldn't have chosen and we can only do the best we can.

Bumblebee Harsh people? Your post is one of the harshest on the thread. Read the OP's posts again - she and her husband have trained 9 rescue dogs in the past.

Oh dear, what harsh people. You took the dog into your home and gave it a new life. Quite a few people think you should take the dog back. If you do, then please don't get another one. If you can't train this dog then you shouldn't have one. Is it left alo9ne a lot? Don't wait for it to start doing what comes naturally but take him/her out regularly and give it a reward when it gets things right. It is an animal and does need some patience. A visit to the vet to have it checked is well worth considering. I wish we could have it.
Brian.

GRACESGRAN....I agree with what you said. We all have our limits and maybe the DH has reached his regarding having a difficult dog in the home. I believe his health and welfare should be the priority now. Maybe in the future the time will be right for another rescue dog.

Its an emotive subject, but the kindest thing to do for the dog is to rehome it. If you keep it, it might turn out to be the best thing you could have done.
There again, it might not, and then you'll be wishing you'd listened to your own instincts.

Very harsh some of your responses. Have a heart, and re read this ladies post...like I had to, and apologised. Kindness costs nothing

I feel sorry for the dog and it seems that you have made a mistake in getting another dog at this time.
If your husband can't cope with the dog, then I think it kinder to let the dog go.

Rethiek. Someone suggested getting a trainer in. Sounds like a good idea to me. Might it be possible for you to consider this? Let us know what you decide to do.

If the dog isn’t a nuisance, what sort of “training” is ruthiek talking about then? “Not trained at all” means precisely what? And I still don’t have an answer to what I thought a perfectly reasonable question “ Is the dog UNTRAINABLE”?
Housetrained? A working Sheepdog? A retriever?/gundog?
I find it hard that we are being deemed judgemental when we are given an incomplete story.
If you ask for help or advice it’s only fair to present the situation fairly.
Christinefrance you are not helping by saying some of us act as if we have never made a mistake before. That is NOT what has been said, but if we do not know the relevant aspects of the situation (such as , how were we to know DH was ill, is it chronic, terminal, debilitating? ) who can even hazard a guess.

As others on this thread have said the dog will find a new home. Your husband comes first and once you have sent this dog back and thought about what is needed in your house hold you may decide to try again with a dog that is well trained whose elderly owner has just died or similar.

Walking the dog and getting out in the fresh air, could enable you to then deal with the caring side of your husband's needs. I know my dog keeps my feet on the ground during troubled times.

Perhaps Ruthiek wanted to be reassured that with her skills in training dogs the animal will settle down with time.
I know nothing about dogs, only know that my DH really does not like them at all.
Ruthiek, you seem to have a lot on your plate at the moment and is your DH a bit jealous of the amount of time the dog takes up? . Perhaps it would be best to take the dog back. And no shame if you do.
Best wishes with it all.

How many times have we had threads on here started by somebody who asks for advice and the thread runs on for a few pages with differing opinions?

The OP then returns, having previously given very little information, and accuses the posters who didn't give the answers she wanted of 'judging'

Ruthiek don't take some of these comments to heart. Apparently some posters have never made a mistake in their lives. You are trying to put things right but are struggling with it, my advice again is to rehome the dog and look after your husband.. Good luck.

.As for our lovely girl I just want the best for her

I presume there's an equivalent sentence somewhere about the husband.

It sounds as if you need to find a way for you to cope with the dog without your H being involved. Or else to get rid of either dog or the H.

The dog isn't a nuisance but your husband, you said, can't cope with it because it is not trained. I presume your H does not feel able to train the dog and you say you are working and recovering from a major illness. In your OP you mentioned the possible option of "pushing" your H to keep the dog. You also say that getting the dog was well-thought through and you want the best for her.

I may be getting the wrong impression from how you've expressed things but my impression from what you've said is that you care more about keeping the dog than accepting that your H can't cope with the dog.

Puzzling.

What kind of dog is it ruthiek?

Surely, even though your husband is unwell, he can gain pleasure from the dog? There is not enough detail in your comments for us to judge.

I don't see why you can't keep her, train her yourself, say for a solid period of time daily whilst still looking after your husband. You asked for advice. Suggest you train her, judge improvement in dog over a set time period and also judge your husband's heath improvement - the two could successfully be intertwined and contribute to his overall happiness. You have the experience, so why throw it all out of the window?

Well I asked the question and did I get some replies!! For those that have judged me without knowing everything I hope you are never put in a difficult position and need advice because there isn’t much compassion. This lovely dog is NOT a nuisance and it was very much thought through, so what has happened has come as a massive shock, I still have to work and am recovering from a major illness and that was taken into account.As for our lovely girl I just want the best for her

Personally I wonder what the OP expected with a rescue dog? They do have issues and take time to settle. Poor thing.

It's fairer on the dog to take it back, sooner rather than later, if you and your husband can't give it the attention it needs. Better to do one thing well than two badly and it sounds like your husband needs a lot of support.