Confused

Good to see your update Startingover, looks like you couldn't have chosen a better GN 'name'. I'm glad that you've found happiness in your new single life and even though you're not interested, how flattering to have found and admirer.

Haven't logged in for ages and was just re-reading this thread and realising how much I've learned and 'grown' since I divorced. The man I was talking about here is still a very dear friend and I hope always will be. I had a bit of an odd experience recently - a man I met while away for a few days has been texting and emailing me, even though I've made it plain I'm not interested. My own fault really for giving him my number and email address. I hope he gets the message eventually and stops. But it has made me realise how happy I actually am to be single again! Also very flattering that this man is 10 years my junior!

Oh, yes, definitely going to continue being pals!

I think it's lovely to be valued as a "pal" - and to have a male companion who wants to be with you because they like you and enjoy your company. Unless he would want you to forego other, possibly sexual, relationships why not continue this friendship?

Startinover16
Don't want to dampen your feelings, but I recently had a bad experience. At the seniors club I go to, a fairly charming young looking 70 year old, started giving me attention, and kept asking for my phone number. After a bitter divorce 20 years ago, I did not want another hurt. He then gave me his number and one day I rang him and after all the usual compliments, (I was flattered ). I told him I wasn't ready for any full-on relationship. I said it would be nice just to be friends, for dinnners, theatre etc. You could have knocked me down with a feather when he told me, oh no I'm not looking for a long term relationship ...I JUST WANT S-X..yes, as blankly as that and then he said "friends with benefits" and he went on to explain the nitty gritty, I put the phone down and although he still comes to our club, I try to ignore him. Can you believe a 70 year old man looking for S-X and in a Seniors Club!!!He should be looking at the red light district. I thought at our age, we want companionship more than anything else. Anyway, take it easy, enjoy the attention and hope there's a nice "partner" at the end of it. All the best !

I think it's much better to know where you stand even if it's not the answer you were hoping for. You could have wasted a lot more time assuming that things would develop naturally when he wasn't up for that sort of relationship. I wish you all the best and hope you find a nice man when you're ready.

We had a chat a few evenings ago. It's to be friendship only. So be it. You're right, Anniepops - I'll look on it as an opportunity for someone 'more worthy' to come into my life. Going to focus on myself for a good while yet.

Yes, good luck.

Good luck Startingover61. I think being straight on your side is for the best if you feel you've already given this friendship enough time to develop into more. Just think of it as an opportunity for someone else more worthy to enter your life if it's not to be.

If you asked him about his understanding of your current situation and he said ‘Just Pals’ how would you feel and what would you do?

In my experience men are generally looking for a bit of home comfort but not necessarily the commitment of a proper relationship. Don’t read anything into the flowers and chocolates - he might have done the same for his mum!

Good luck whatever happens.

A friend use to say...... when he kisses you goodnight, is it on the cheek or on the lips !!

You're both right, loopyloo and Notagranyet12. Time to take the plunge and ask! Watch this space for more!

Perhaps he just likes to think he has a lady friend but doesnt really want any more than that.
Who knows until you ask him?

Hi Startingover61, just wanted to share my thoughts with you regarding this "friend". I think when we are all a bit older and wiser, it's good to be honest with each other and talk about what you both want......it seems a bit unfair on you that he's coming round for dinner with flowers and chocs and you're not really sure if it's a "date" or not. If it was me I'd had to ask him how he thinks the relationship is headed or whether he does just want to be friends so that you know where you are. If you want a proper relationship with something this man could be holding you back and you deserve more. Good luck, I hope it pans out the way you want it to.

I don't think it matters what "real pal" means at this stage. Don't overthink this!!

Idk. Sounds like he's giving you mixed messages. He does the romantic thing of bringing you flowers and candy, but then designates you as a "pal." But it's still early days, so I would still just go with the flow for a while.

Lovely meal last night, and good conversation. Going to do it again sometime soon. He brought flowers and chocolates. I don’t want to over-analyse, however, but as he was leaving he told me I was a ‘real pal’!! What’s that about?

Absolutely, MissAdventure!

Good luck! Hope it turns out well. Watch that blowing hot and cold though..

Sorry, not logged on for ages, then couldn't remember sign-in details so registered again with slightly different user name! Brief update: dinner is now this coming Saturday, so will let you know how it goes. Postponed from Dec due to illness. He's been blowing hot and cold recently, not sure why. Anyway, we'll see how the meal goes!

Take it one day at a time - no rush, surely?

After all, he may be on the lookout for a housekeeper and a future carer.....sorry to be so blunt, but I know from a rueful experience that this is sometimes the case!

(never again.............)

MagicBubble and Nelliemoser: Many thanks for your comments/suggestions. I trust this man and know he wouldn't dream of doing anything inappropriate. He has been to my home a number of times for tea and a chat, but this will be the first time I'll have cooked for him. We seem always to end up talking about anything and everything and the time seems to fly by.
I think you're right dorsetpennt (and a lot of others) - time will tell. At the moment, I don't want to spoil anything and am happy to go on with things as they are now. Living for the moment and looking forward to our times together.

I would just enjoy the lovely friendship. Perhaps your friend is mindful of your recent divorce and thinks you might prefer to take things slowly. Far better, in my opinion, than some chancer coming on to you after a couple of dates.

Or he may just enjoy your company, without any romantic attachment. It's up to you to decide whether you would wish to continue seeing him on that basis - but, in my view, a kind and companionable friend is worth having.

Do what you feel is right for you. I'm more of a jump in feet first sort of gal myself . But then I don't mind the odd disaster. And we are running out of time

Just go along as you are at present. Time will give you an answer. Enjoy it, he sounds lovely, lucky you.