My parents-in-law were great people and so are my sons-in-law and my daughter-in-law. Lets hear it for the silent majority.

nfk I think the term you’re looking for is ‘co-grandparents’. Though it does sound a bit technical.
I agree with you about the value of friendship between the co-grandparents.
We only met our American co-grandparents days before DS’s wedding, but over the years we have become good friends. DS’s MiL in particular has been kindness & generosity personified, fully realising how hard it is for us only seeing our GDCs once or twice a year.
It makes me sad to read some of the posts where people complain of being sidelined by the other GPS and jealousy between them.

My MIL was wonderful and partly for geographical reasons, partly because Dad had poor health but also because she could just drop everything and BE there, was regularly the one I turned yo in a crisis. Brought up as a farmers daughter she was unfailingly hospitable, always upbeat with a basis of sound common sense.
My lovely FIL was a charismatic, intelligent and remarkable man, ostensibly a diplomat but with a career in “the Office”behind him and we got on very well indeed. None of which made me love my own parents less either.
I adore my thre SILs who are everything you could want in a son or son in law and am also very fond of and good friends with all three sets of parents.
But good news doesn’t rank as news does it?

The problem with posting only about about difficult or toxic relationships is that gradually they come to be seen as the norm. This may then influence others’ perceptions of their own relationships, leading them to imagine major difficulties when what they are experiencing is actually only the rough and tumble of normal family relationships.
Of course, if reading about other people’s real difficulties stops rows escalating, or makes people grateful for what they do have, it may be a good thing.
But social media can give a very unbalanced and inaccurate picture of what is going on not only in family life but in other spheres such as politics too.
Speaking as a member of the silent majority.

It definitely needed saying Elegran. We fell out with my MiL (who we loved dearly) when she tried to take over when my DD1 was born and I had undiagnosed PND. She did her best, we did our best, but it happened. Her relationship with my own DM helped work it through, it took a couple of years, but their friendship meant we came back together as a family in the end.

I am blessed that all my DC have choosen lovely partners and (with the odd hiccup) we all get on well. I just wish there was a proper term for the other In-Laws. Having to say my daughters in-laws or my son-in-laws mother just familiar enough.

Elegran bravo I agree with you that this thread is a fantastic idea. I would also like to see more grans that aren't estranged contribute to those threads by grans that are. At the moment, the only advice these people are getting is from others that have been unable to maintain healthy family relations and sometimes when I see those posts I think the advice given is awful.

Your own last paragraph explains why it is necessary for those with good relationships to attest to them. I felt it DID need saying, and others seem to agree with me. People also need to say more about the other aspects of their lives which the media seem to like to use to set one generation against another. Otherwise they are just meekly accepting indiscriminate blame for the faults of a minority.

In my original post I said that if there is friction in the family dynamic, it is posted about (and others with the same experience join in and offer adevice) If there is not, nothing is said. The result is that a Martian reading the forum would get the impression that ALL or MOST inlaws are selfish and domineering - which is a long way from the truth. Those who are can cause a great deal of suffering, but that doesn't make them a majority.

There have been many threads about toxic inlaws (and birth parents too), but this is the very first thread on Gransnet about well-loved inlaws who are the very opposite of toxic. It is quite separate from any of the threads seeking advice and support in dealing with problem relationships.

The people who come on here to talk about unsatisfactory family relationships are often stressed and upset. They need to vent those feelings and, hopefully, to get some words of comfort and understanding, and possibly some advice from other people.

I think it goes without saying that, whilst some family relationships can be fraught with difficulties, others are perfectly happy. I don't understand why it is felt necessary for lots of people to attest to their satisfaction with their own family situation.

I think it is true that the media tends to hone in on the bad stuff - troublesome relationships included - but that applies to almost everything, not just family matters. It not only frequently presents older people in a bad light but also young people, foreign people, public service workers, etc. etc. etc. In fact stirring up one group against another seems to be the raison d'être of some media outlets.

I was a divorcee with a child when I was introduced to my future parents in law. FiL gave me a huge hug, mil looked me up and down and kept an eye on me. We grew to love and like each other. They were good people and loving parents in law and grandparents. My husband had loving relationships with his parents, as I did with mine. We became a loving extended family and counted our blessings.
We have one son in law and one "we'll get married eventually' son in law to be. Both love our daughters are good fathers and get on well with us.
Family relationships can be a challenge but they can also the best . Good OP Elegran

I have a lovely daughter and son in law. I am happy that we all get on so well and enjoy spending time together when we can.They are just nice people and I love having them as part of our family.

Good post Elegran
I have had a sort of turn of fortunes re my mother in law.

Up until a couple of years ago we had a very Rocky relationship.
However with the onset of dementia we have managed to turn our relationship around and I now help to look after her and can have a pleasant visit
This is something that I would never have contemplated had her whole persona not changed with the onset of dementia.
So as they say very cloud......

I can now say I have a good relationship with my MiL

My sons are on to it. They just come and see Mum with babies on their own. Then DIL gets a break and everyone's happy.

Yes I find that I get on better with my SIL better than my two DIL S. Simply because they want their Mums to be no: 1 gran. They sort of keep me at a distance. That's fine by me. I understand that girls are close to Mums as adults. I'm not treading on anyone's toes .

I could not wish for a better DiL or SiL. I am so grateful that my children have such lovely partners.
I liked my MiL but was sorry for her as my FiL was a dirty old man. . Us girls knew to steer well clear of him

Good thread Elegran.

I found my mother-in-law difficult, but in retrospect, it was more to do with my youth and defensiveness, than her. So very different from anyone I had ever met. Eccentric, very intelligent and outspoken. Scared the living daylights out of me! My father -in-law was deeply kind. I’d love to meet them again, as I am now.

My sons are married to lovely young women, and it has been a real pleasure to see how they have all grown into mature adults with happy children.

No idea what my daughters-in-law really think of me, but we are all respectful and kind to one another. The fact that they are instrumental in the happiness of my sons goes a very long way. Long may that last.

I've always said ( and taught my 3 DC ), treat others how you want to be treated yourself. It really works if you stick to that. If others don't stick to that then I politely point that out to make THEM understand . I have no friends because I had my first baby very early in my life and they all dwindled . All my friends are family and that's fine by me. They can't have been very good to begin with .

I've always said ( and taught my 3 DC ), treat others how you want to be treated yourself. It really works if you stick to that. If others don't stick to that then I politely point that out to make THEM understand . I have no friends because I had my first baby very early in my life and they all dwindled . All my friends are family and that's fine by me. They can't have been very good to begin with .

Me too - but of course we are going to hear more from those with problems, and I am glad that they have a place to express their distress.
It may also be useful to think about what makes these relationships good. Personally:
I start from believing that we expect it to be good
I don't take offence from slightly careless remarks
I look for what is good, comment when appropriate and build on it
See them often enough to keep the relationship, not so much we're likely to get on each other's nerves
Let them know how much they mean to me, but try not to over-egg it!
Understand that they will not do things the same as me, but that is not a problem- we all bring different ideas to the family.

My DH always says he'd never dare hurt me cos he's too scared of his Mam !! Haha

My DH always says he'd never dare hurt me cos he's too scared of his Mam !! Haha

My late mother in law was a darling and adored my son. We stayed great friends even when I got divorced. She even got on well with my new partner who I met a few years later.
She had the most infectious laugh I’ve ever heard and I miss her terribly.
My grandson’s mother however is a different matter.

My late mother in law was a darling and adored my son. We stayed great friends even when I got divorced. She even got on well with my new partner who I met a few years later.
She had the most infectious laugh I’ve ever heard and I miss her terribly.
My grandson’s mother however is a different matter.

I had eight grandparents (because I was adopted ) and as far as I know they all got on fine with each other, with my parents and with a ragbag of adopted siblings. Certainly I was very happy!
I adored my excentric and sometimes exasperating MIL and we became even closer after my husband died.
My children have chosen good partners and I am grateful for this.
I have a new relationship too and it never occurred to me for a moment that they wouldn't welcome something that made me happy.
I'm fortunate to have been surrounded by people who thought of other people's happiness as well as their own

I have two daughters and three son in laws ? Love them very much

My PIL was a little tyrant, so the less said about him the better!

But I have 3 sons-IL who are gems. They love my DDs and nurture their families - and treat my OH and I with respect and kindness. Could not ask for more!!

Thank you for your replies. When there are reports of unhappy relationships on GN, others who have had similar experiences reply with theirs. I believe that the good experiences should also get "airtime".

Mine were wonderful too. They raised a son ready for me to marry, and handed him over to me without any resentment. On the contrary, they welcomed me into their family as a daughter, as my parents welcomed him as another son.

I did the same with my children. I knew that they would leave their childhood home and make one of their own, with their chosen partner, but that I had no need to resent their partner because they would still love me and their father. Love is not a limited, scarce commodity. The more of it is given away, the more flows back.

Posters sometimes post views like that on threads where someone has been telling about their bad relationships. The response is often that they are "boasting" over their own good fortune and good management of their family - no, it is not something to boast about, it is something to be eternally grateful for, and to publicise. The fact is, most families get on well together and have the insight to see potential pitfalls and avoid them.