I have 2 children. Their father and I were married very young and it didn't work out and we divorced while still in our 20s. He's a very bitter man and swore he'd spend the rest of his life making me pay for leaving him and he has been true to his word.
I've always felt that the children do all they can to appease him for an easy life. This means that I get the scrapings of the barrel when it comes to quality time with them. My elder child lives overseas and comes home once or twice per year. She's always been a very moody controlling child (just like her father sad to say) I love her dearly nevertheless. She has 2 small children. My relationship with her was always very good up until she hit her early 20s. I took very ill and cancer was suspected. I didn't have the time or the energy to devote to her and she took it very personally. So much so she decided I could fly over to go to her wedding but not as mother of the bride! I wasn't invited to the meal so needed to amuse myself and come back to the evening do. I didn't go as I just didn't feel able to play games when I was so unwell. So long as I say nothing and keep the peace all is ok. She would contact me via messenger most days usually to talk about herself and rant about others. She was happy to accept gifts but rarely if ever sent me a card. She came up with lots of excuses as to why facetime with the children was not possible so I feel my grandchildren are strangers. If I want to go to see her I'm only allowed to spend a day with her and must pay for my own accommodation. This is of course very expensive so didn't happen too often. She came home recently (She always stays with her sister). All my suggestions of fun things to do were met with reasons as to why not. I politely told her I was very sad and hurt that I only seemed to get the few hours of the visit that no one else wants but that each visit her father gets to do fun things with the children. She exploded and told me I must be very unwell. I told her as a matter of fact I was and that I had been off work for 3 months. She never commented. Because I dared to question her I was not allowed to see the children and she said she'd see me in a coffee shop 5 mins walk from her sister. The meeting was understandably odd. She spent the whole time bitching about people in her work but never once asked how I was. Since she went back I've not heard anything. I've sent her a few messages but they have been ignored. It's very hard to apoligise when you don't know what you've done. My mother tried to intervene and was given short shrift also.
My husband ( I remarried 6 years ago) said I need to accept this is how she is and to concentrate on what I do have and realize that said daughter has always been a very selfish and self centered person. He is sadly right. My best friend often said that one day my daughter will have a rude awakening the way she treats people. She is however still my daughter. Does anyone have any suggestions as to how I broker a peace deal?
Estranged Son and Future Granddaughter
To think that London, or anywhere else for that matter, does not belong to any one demographic
