shell shocked

Support in this country is non-existant.Why ?

Thankyou for messages,I have ,in the past been daily to he local council and the alcohol and drug support team,for months.Just after last Christmas , a man who runs a small charity found him a flat,it was in a home run by Nacro,the workers are all ex offenders,etc,there was only supposed to be one man in the flat next door.He allowed a dealer to move in with him,they used an axe to get into my sons flat ,as they knew he had got his benefits that day.

Husband just heard my son phoning and is ranting and shouting ,saying he does not care that he is homeless, he is not coming here.He is not my sons father.
My son is staying with a couple that are friends ,he is being taken to the council near them and is going to tell them he is homeless. We live in a rural village,The elderly couple who lived next door moved away,a young working couple moved in.A single lady ,our age, lived the other side of us,she used to come in and chat for 2 hours every day but it was her brothers bungalow and the heating didn't work ,there was mould growing in the windows and she washed them every day.I took her to the local GP for a support letter for the council and she managed to get a single person bungalow in the village that she had lived in for 30 years.She phones regularly but it is not like seeing someone.

Oh, Teddy111, it never rains but it pours. I know that we had problems with getting MacMillan support when my MIL had cancer. I'm not sure how but we seemed to slip between the cracks. We went back to the GP and he managed to chase but it was just hassle we didn't need at that time.
It must be awful for you to see your son in that place. It sounds like he is quite vulnerable, even if self inflicted. Have you tried talking to the Housing Dept, Adult Social Worker, etc. Is your son happy to accept help if he is offered it by somebody other than you? It might be worth contacting somewhere like Shelter who will know who too involve.

I thought that too Izabella.

Teddy, I have only just read this thread. I have no answers for you but did not feel I could merely scroll by.

Re: your son - this happened to a friends son recently and now he has been made redundant too.

Noting your OH's prolonged time in CCU is there any possibility he was oxygen depleted at any time?

Oh dear,so long,another blood test yesterday,another MRI 15th Dec. So tired,rang Macmillan for support.We were referred by GP last Friday,they haven't phoned back.37 year old son's fiancee says she loves him but is not in love with him,he is now homeless and penniless.

Regardless of whether his behaviour is down to the illness you really need some more support from somewhere and if possible a short break, I do realise that is very difficult, maybe speak to the GP on your own behalf. Take care

I have just read this fairly quickly and I would say ill or not his behaviour is nasty and destructive.

Please get proper , professional support.
You should not have to endure this.

Thank you .

Best of luck Teddy111!

Thank you so much for your kind message.He has to go next Tuesday for bloods and if o.k for full day of chemo.I know he must be absolutely terrified.They told him that the chemo and radio would make him feel very ill.It didn't, until the end of it.He said he could fight it off.I don't think he thought he could feel any worse.
I don't know if it is his meds or dementia,you lose a proper view ,when you are with someone all the time.
Just keep going one day at a time.

I am truly sorry for you. If his personality has suddenly changed, it could be that he has early onset dementia or something else which affects how his brain works. You have been a nurse? Do you feel that is a possibility?

Everybody is different but I believe that some people become very aggressive and unreasonable when their brain starts to alter. Add fear about illness and the thought of death into that and you get a very nasty cocktail.

It doesn't make it suddenly easier for you but at least it would be a reason for his nastiness.

I really do wish you all the very best of luck.

No,I will ask about that at carer center tomorrow,thank you,loopyloo.

Teddy111 You are amazing! You are doing a wonderful job!
Please accept whatever help is available for you and for your husband.

I think you are right icanhandthemback,I feel resentment in me because I cannot even remember the last time I was not at home overnight.This is nobody's fault,it is just how things are.It tends to make you shut down on the outer world, which is so bad as you get older.It seems as if you are on duty.
Neighbours on either side,moved,a couple went to a care setting that they had planned for five years.We were not close but very comfortable.The lady from the other side used to come most afternoons for a chat.Her partner of 30 years died 2 years ago and she thought change would help,as her bungalow was down a drive she never saw a person all day,she became desperate to move back to that village,as she knew everybody.We both have dogs and just chatting took some time up. She sometimes went with me to visit him in hospital.We phone each other quite a lot and remain good friends.
I feel such guilt, moaning,I think it's because of the uncertainty of the future. Thank you all again for your thoughts.

Teddy, does he get attendance allowance and you, carers allowance? Do contact Macmillan for help.
You are doing so much to support him, wishing you all the best.

Thank you all for the messages,it has given me a lift and things to think about.I asked at the local carers center and was invited to a meeting.It was all about what bank they were going to use as no longer a charity.A lady rang to ask if it had been helpful and I said,I didn't know any of the details discussed and it wasn't what I was looking for.She asked me if a counsellor might help,I have been 3 times,a very nice lady who just listens to my woes and it does help a bit.He had a blood test yesterday,then saw consultant, who said his blood results meant he could not have chemotherapy today.Dr said they will try again next week.
This morning he felt worse than he did last week ,when he was admitted for the week.He says he will give it till tomorrow and then ring the oncology center.
I think the business of not getting a bath,as he is such a clean man,was when he was trying to get control of things,he kept saying 'Money is leaching out of my account and no income now'.Heart,plus cancer,no income and getting rid of our vehicles and always, he has made it his mantra 'Try to save a few bob' Which often makes a misery of what you get ,because, it was never to be what you actually wanted.
I see the counsellor tomorrow.

Please, please, please, try to hold on to the happier times and know that you are doing the best you can in awful circumstances. This is almost certainly the illness and the medication talking. Also, keep an eye on urinary issues, they have an enormous impact on behaviour and certainly not in a good way!
We often hurt those we love most when we are hurting ourselves. I know when our daughter died, for about 48 hours I said the most terrible things and really acted badly towards my husband who was doing his best to stay strong. The only excuse I can find is that I was out of my mind with anger and grief. I expect he feels much the same.
Is there a way you can get someone to take care of him whilst you have 48 hours away? Sometimes just getting away from it for a very short time can make the situation more bearable.
My thoughts remain with you.
JustALaugh, I can only assume you are living up to your name which should be JustInappropriate.

anep is right, his behaviour isn’t normal. His mental state will be affected by the medication he’s on and the strain of all he’s been through and is going through. My DF had lung cancer and it changed his personality and he did and said the weirdest things. His GP said he’d seen it before, the cancer “had got to his brain”. Not meaning it had spread there, but that it had changed the way he thought.
Morphine doesn’t help either!

You need support in order to support him. Your GP should be able to give you the contact details of local support groups to give you the respite you need.

Just wanting to wish you both all the best. This must be so stressful for you both in quite differing ways.

I think Telly has a point...try other forums who might have more specific advice and help. Easier than trapesing up to the GP.

I will be thinking of you on Monday and Tuesday.

excuse mistakes. predictive text!

His behaviour is not normal. No one normal suggests bathjng every 3 wèks.I would do as last person suggested.

I think you should contact your GP and ask for a carers assessment as a matter of urgency. You really do need some practical support. I would take as much time as you want to get a break. There are also forums that can offer help and advice - try Carers UK. Don't go it alone.

The one thing that stands out to me....he now only wants to have a bath once every 3 weeks?! The dirty sod. Even once weekly is not enough! Has he got any mental illness at all? Seriously I mean. Otherwise - how the hell do you sleep with him, how do you live with him?!

If my husband became like that, he'd be out of the door.

It's very hard for you Teddy you are doing the best you can in very difficult circumstances. Whilst I understand your husband is scared and ill, he still needs to take responsibility for the way he is treating you. We do take things out on our nearest and dearest but there is a limit. Take time out when you need to and find someone to talk to about all this. Bon courage