Friend ?

Kate, you have to make the decision for yourself. Do you want the friendship to continue? If the answer is yes, then it seems to me that you have to accept your friend’s behaviour. If your answer is no, well you know what to do. You are the person with the answer.

My thoughts too Ajanela. My SiL can talk non-stop and has difficulty with empathy. It is why neuro issues and mental health are so challenging to those who can understand ‘normal’ relationships. SiL has ADHD and he accepts that I will shut him up if he rants and we can laugh about it.

Depends on why you visit her ... if you feel obliged for some reason, then take your own drink or just be upfront and ask if you can put the kettle on. Some people, for whatever reason, don't pick up on social cues and need a little nudge. On the other hand, if you really do see her as a friend then just accept her the way she is and go with the flow. How thirsty can you possibly get anyway?

I would say, do you want to be friends with her?

I think, that if you can't make your own mind up about how to deal with this person, then our opinions are not going to be of any use. Any normal person would, if not offered a drink, take their own in future or not stay as long. Usually a half hour visit doesn't necessitate a drink. You mention asking her for a swig from her bottle of water but that doesn't sound good. Who drinks from someone else's water bottle. You also say that a lot of talking (and being in a 'hot' room) makes you thirsty, yet you also say that you can never get a word in as she does all the talking.
Do you really want a solution? Either don't go or take a drink with you. Simple.

It sounds not only one-sided, but thoughtless. I agree that she may well be lonely, but I wonder if that is because she's a "psychic leech". By all means, visit if you feel you must, but limit the time you spend with her to not more than 3/4 hour, say once a month, give yourself space, take your own water in your bag, but suggest that a cuppa would be much appreciated - if need be offer to make it! She may get the message - if not, recommend dropping her.

It is said we cannot help others unless we first help ourselves, so I would say take a break, tell her you won't be over for a while. When & if you go again, be sure to say you only have half an hour what ever, & would she like you to make you both a drink , Good luck

Lynnebo and Ajanela Those are good points. Maybe when being invited, Katewrite could say that she will go but will need to be given something to drink while she is there or she will have to leave early. There must be a reason for her friend's behaviour. It could just be the way she was brought up or it could be something else - and there must be some reason for the friendship in the first place.

Sounds self centred.You are someone she can off load onto.Do you need this?.
We don't have or should not have others for just what they can do for us or be for us but I do not see these visits anything more than this person may be lonely and you appear in my opinion to be a good listener.
Would love to have you visit me and I make a nice cup of tea..

Maybe the friendship has ran it's course take a step back and see if this friend actually is a friend or someone you could do without in your life

I think if I do go I will ask her for a cup of tea.Then see how things progress.I did regard her as a friend but I have realised how she dominates the conversation .I don't mind listening for a certain about like 70% but otherwise it is too one sided
Thank you for your comments.I am glad to get a few ideas from you all

Again gransnetters are uncouraging members to isolate people who don't behave in the proper manner. The Statistics are that 1-100 people are on the autustic spevtrum and don't pick up social pointers. These people become very lonely and isolated. Last year there was a big campaign About mental health and loniness

My thinking would be either to take your own drink or ask for one when you arrive and say why. If she is talking for 25 minutes about her iPhone or anything, cut her short by saying something like "your phone sounds great but I phoned you for a reason ....."

When she told you not to think about your friends, tell her that is unkind and would she expect you to behave like that if she was ill or had a problem.

If you suffer in silence she will except this as acceptable behavior. If she takes offence then you have tried to help her and she might reflect on what you said and she knows you will not tolerate this sort of behaviour.

I will definitely see less of her.Thanks for your thoughts

Thank you so much.I feel a bit down but you made me laugh!

'All the lonely people, where do they all come from?'
It sounds like you are a valuable friend to her - she has lots to tell you and enjoys your company. Maybe she doesn't understand about refreshment and is unsure of etiquette when visiting someone else. If you stop visiting does she have other visitors? Yes, life is to short to waste but what is it worth if we can cast aside those who don't always fit to a 'perfect' ideal?
It's your choice whether to continue the friendship of course, but it makes me sad when so many people say you should cut her out of your life without a second thought.

It depends how much you are willing to put up with. She sounds hopeless to me and is rather self-centred. Is she worth bothering with any more? Real friendship is a two-way thing.

Any cultures not Amy.

I don't think there are Amy cultures that wouldn't offer a visitor a drink. Some people just don't think but that can't be the case when someone is drinking themselves.
I agree with Scribbles. The question is, what do you gain from this relationship?
She just sounds rude. I had a friend who I always had to visit but we did often go out to places together but it still got on my nerves eventually and became more trouble than it was worth.

I noticed that you didn’t describe this person as a friend in your post. That makes me wonder whether you consider her to be a friend or whether visiting her is more of a habit. I have to make myself remember to offer drinks as I don’t get thirsty so don’t think about it. My close friends know this, as I always refuse drinks when visiting, and will ask whether I’m going to put the kettle on!

Why are you bothering with her? She is being rude and doesn't sound like scintillating company......drop her.

Friendships are just like any other relationship, it’s all about what both people want from it, not just one ! Yes, let her go.

This person is not likely ever to be good company. She does not appear to have the social skills to chat nor the hostess skills to offer a cup of tea or even a drink of water. Its the New Year now do you have time to give to a relationship which will never be rewarding? It's up to you.

I echo all of the above - wait for her to contact you but if she shows no or little interest in your life then you won't be losing anything if you choose to no longer spend time with her.

Honestly life is too short to spend time in the company of people like this, not really a friendship is it?

Whether she spent her childhood in another country or not is irrelevant, if she has spent her adult life in the UK she should know our customs by now.

Perhaps she is lonely and has failed to make friends because of her odd behaviour and doesn't realise it. Whatever the reason, I cannot see this relationship going very far, unless you are willing to accept a relationship based on pity and sympathy (you for her) rather than a meeting of minds and common interests