Remote control

Are you sure he's not just suggesting programs she might enjoy?

My DD, DS and I often text each other about programmes we think the other one will like. We're not telling each other what to watch, just giving the heads up.

Why doesn't she go out?

My mum often used to phone me to say "channel 4, quick!" then bang the phone down.

MissAdventure, if it were that sort of text or call, no problem.

Every evening about 7pm he sits with the Radio Times and picks out programmes and texts them, Yes, they may be suggestions rather than telling her what to watch, but it probably amounts to the same thing. I struggle to understand why this goes on every night. It is not just occasional.To be honest, I don’t always share his taste in programmes, and just go on my iPad if I don’t want to watch, or go into another room and listen to music.

Why don't you just ask why he does it?

Maybe he does it to feel useful? Is he retired? I think some people like to feel they need to be doing something productive.

Well, that didn't make sense, but I know what I meant.

I wonder why it bothers you?

Has she complained to you about it?

It’s just a habit now,

He's just being over helpful

Over helpful, or controlling, Jalima1108?
No she has not complained to me. She and I do not communicate. She needs to be less dependent on her dad,
And I don’t think this is helping.

.... but the question is - does she actually watch the programmes that her dad picks out? or does she just nod, smile and ignore?

I don’t know, but I guess she watches them. I think if she didn’t she might have told him to stop by now. I could understand if it were a reminder of a particular series not to miss, or a one off. But to get a nudge every single day for the last four years...? She is in her mid thirties, lives 200 miles away, no job, no friends, no social life. By now, I think his actions are contributing to her continued state of isolation.
No, we don’t talk about it, it would be treading on eggshells.

This seems to be the tip of the iceberg. Does he 'advise' her on other aspects of her life?

If she lives 200 miles away, how do you know she doesn't go out, etc? She could have a secret affair with a married man & neither you nor her father would know about it unless she told you.

She must venture out sometime. How does she get groceries, etc? Maybe she gets newspapers or magazines delivered? Or just uses the Internet?

How do you know she hasn't asked him to stop? Would he tell you? Would he honor her request?

Does she text back at all when he texts her about programs? If not, maybe she's just ignoring him?

It sounds to me like there are things her dad doesn't know, and probably more that you don't.

is she YOUR daughter too ,or is that part of your problem,he has a realtionship with her and you dont?

Is this man your dh (dear husband) or bf (boyfriend)? Why are you so concerned about this? Do you resent the idea that he's sharing something with his dd (dear daughter) that he can't share with you? Or are you just worried for this young woman?

If it's just about her, I would be more worried about her general state of isolation (if it's really the way you think it is). Do you know if she has any physical, mental or emotional problems that are causing this? Or if she's in counseling of any kind?

Maybe he feels he has to make sure she watches tv to keep her in touch with the world? But if he really feels he has to choose programs for her and if she really watches them, that's a concern, I agree. But the problem is way bigger than that.

Unfortunately, I doubt there's anything you can do about it. You say you can't talk to him about and your 200 miles away from her.

He is my DH and the young lady is my stepdaughter.
I don’t want to say too much in a public forum, but yes, there are mental health issues here, for which she is at last getting some help but it is a long, slow process.
I really am not jealous, but I am concerned that this intervention is not helpful now.
As has been said, there is not a lot I can do, so I thank you all for your comments and will leave it there.