Gransnet forums

Relationships

Widowed father and friend

(80 Posts)
Eglantine21 Wed 10-Jan-18 22:03:34

Even if she irritates the life out of you all, don't start staying away. That will make him even more dependent on her for company.
Can he come to you for a bit of a break? That would give you some uninterrupted time together. Perhaps he could go over to your sisters for Sunday dinner or have a day out with them.
If they've developed an arrangement where she is welcome to drop in then neither of them might even think it would upset you.
It's a pity you don't like her but don't turn it into a choice he has to make.

MissAdventure Wed 10-Jan-18 22:00:32

I don't think there is too much you can do. It would be quite unkind to jeopardise his friendship with this lady. Would you feel the same if he had made friends with a man who was overbearing?

Grannyknot Wed 10-Jan-18 21:53:49

And it may (or would) break his heart to know that his children do not approve. Or have your sisters and your nephew told him?

I find it interesting that no matter how old we are, there can be tension when a lone parent finds a new companion that isn't liked.

Is he happy?

Luckygirl Wed 10-Jan-18 21:44:16

Are you concerned that this over-powering lady is detrimental to your Dad's well-being? Or that she is aiming to exploit him in some way?

If the answer is No then I think you have to just bite the bullet. He has taken a chance on a new relationship and is building a new life for himself. It would be sad to rock the boat and make him choose between the family and his new relationship.

Bedders24 Wed 10-Jan-18 21:17:27

I feel like an awful person writing this but could do with some advise - my mum passed away nearly 3 years ago, she and my dad were married for over 50 years and she was very ill for the last few years.

Dad started going to a bereavement group which my sister's and I were really pleased about as he was talking to people who had been through the same thing.

Recently he has become friends with another member of the group, a lady, who seems to be around a lot - she is very overpowering, a bit of a know all and acts as if she knows dad more than us. Both my sister's have been very upset and have said they will not go to my dad's if she is there, and my nephew who was very close to my dad won't go round at all in case she is there, I live further away so don't visit so often but was a bit upset when she turned up and took over when we only had a limited time together.

My dad is 78 and it is not that we don't want him to have friends but we all feel very uncomfortable when this woman is there and in fact as if we are imposing.

We are thinking of saying to him that while we are happy he has a friend we are not comfortable with her and would rather be told us if she was there so we didn't go or if he could ask her not to go round when we are there - is this selfish of us and how do we go about it without causing upset.