Husbands affair and now moved out. Struggling.

First of all, I'm so sorry you're going through all of this. I posted a while ago when you first wrote of your situation in another thread. If you didn't see my post, let me say, in a nutshell, that my (now ex) husband was a serial cheat and liar and that although last year was difficult, it is now over and I'm so glad I divorced him. I was his second wife (he'd been divorced 2 years when I met him) and I heard recently that he married the woman he left me for not long after decree absolute was granted a few months ago. You must get yourself a good solicitor and see to your own needs. Like you, I don't have any children, and to be honest, for me this is a blessing. Do keep on posting to let us know how things are going for you. You will get through these dark times.

If he still has keys to your house change the locks. This needn't be expensive as only the core needs changing, an easy job.
Even if he returns the keys he could have had copies cut..

Write a plan.
Change the locks
Put all his stuff in boxes in spare room.
Buy a new lipstick.
Spend lots of time on Gransnet.
Plan something to look forward to.

Not so much how to live alone; you must learn to live alone, otherwise you will be vulnerable for someone similar to prey on you.
Change the locks, seek legal advice and sort out financial matters quickly to protect yourself; surround yourself with friends and family you can confide in if possible. Live from day to day initially, and don't have any contact with him.

We sold the house when we divorced ( different reasons but horrendous stress) I now live in a new one bedroom flat near my children and am very happy. Get a good solicitor and financial advice and believe me there is a good life to be had on your own once you have processed the shock. Good luck and be kind to yourself. It is not your fault you are in this situation. ( it wasn't mine either)

From your username are you 55? I'm very sorry for your hurt and bewilderment. Do you have children? You are worth a lot more than your ex. Be kind to yourself. Pamper yourself and see it as a chance to start a new and different life. Change things around at home. Please yourself and have things as you want them. Do talk to us lot. We will support you.xx

Denil....your story brought memories .....several, several years ago, it was on Jan2 that I discovered my husband (now ex ) was having an affair with a friend of ours...he is now married to her.
Following the divorce and his remarriage, I decided to concentrate on the children, even though I had one or two chances of making a life for myself. Unfortunately, I didn't realise children will grow up, marry and have lives of their own. I was only 49.....but I was hurt so much, I could not trust a man again.
My advice to you is to find a good solicitor, sort out your finances and then make a life for yourself. The right one will come along. Don't be like me....I am on my own (used to it). The children who I gave up my life for, have their own families. All of us live in the same area. Family gatherings are a nightmare, he is there with his wife and I am on my own. If I had a partner, things would have been different.
Things will get better... once the legal bit is sorted, find someone who is worthy of you....
Be strong !

Sorry to hear of this terrible shock - take a breather then get the right legal advice.

There is a new and satisfying life to be had without this man.
I hope that in time you will see it as an opportunity for a new life. Hold your head up high and move on.

Take control and get your life in order by getting some legal advice. Most solicitors will give half hour free. Seems that you have been living a lie for a long time and you really need to make sure you take some decisions that are the best for you. It can be done, just take one step at a time.

denil what a dreadful position you're in.
Can I just give a word of reassurance please?

Post-divorce I downsized by buying my own flat where I am very happily independent. You will get over the shock and will learn to make and enjoy your own decisions.

Get advice. Change the locks. Be kind to yourself. Start to look forward to the next stage of your life.

Good luck and keep posting!

We have no children together. Financially it will be hard. I have a little savings but would have to probably sell the house.

What a horrible shock this must be. Look after yourself and try to count your blessings. You refer to him as your husband so as a wife, you will have legal securities that won't be available to the women he's also deceiving.

What a situation to find yourself in. As much as you fear being on your own it is not actually so bad in reality and you will become used to it. Take time to consider your position and what is possible for you to do.

How dreadful - he sounds a serial offender - can you be sure he hasn't committed bigamy? Definitely change the locks as soon as you can and see a solicitor to find out what your (and his) rights are. At least he has moved out so you don't have to try and do that as well. Have you been working with your own income - if not then do you have any savings you can use until you get yourself sorted out. At the moment you're probably still in shock as a lot has happened in a short space of time - give yourself some time to come to terms with it - 12 years is a long time to have lived a lie and none of this is your fault. I hope you find some peace as well as solutions.

What an awful man - good that he's gone but as others say, get legal advice. Have you any children with him?
Hopefully in time you'll see this phase as a learning experience. My experience was similar, but not so clear-cut.

Good advice about changing the locks. Can you manage financially without him?
Get as much support as you can from friends. Do you know other people who live alone? Could they tell you how they manage.
You are in shock at the moment, when you feel able, do see a solicitor.
I am so sorry you are going through this.

I am sorry you are in this situation but you are well rid of him
Change the locks, freeze the joint account or take out what you are entitled to and see a solicitor. Good riddance frankly - once the pain eases.
As to living alone, anything would be preferable to be being conned, cheated on and betrayed by this rat.

Denil so sorry for your heart rending situation one piece of advice change the locks ASAP!
You are in shock of course but safeguard your home as a priority.

So sorry for you and your situation. Can offer no advice, just kindest thoughts and virtual support.
No help I know, just get whatever help and support from family and friends and see a solicitor.

Luckily the house is protected and mine. He has not given my keys back though. Really struggling.