Gransnet forums

New relationship lack of sex or intamacy

(10 Posts)
Muffin1986 Mon 12-Feb-18 10:04:01

Im worried, iv been with my partner for just over 2 years and we have a house together (commitment) he's lovely and giving in every way apart from his lack of intimacy and there is no sex or anything else! not even a cuddle. I have to admit im post 50 and not that interested in sex myself with a menopausal sex drive but it makes me feel unattractive that he doesn't have the urge or any other signs of wanting me sexually. We have spoken about it and he says he has a low sex drive himself, I asked him to go to Dr he said he did but said they told him nothing was wrong. With two failed marriages behind me is this what my life is to be now..... maybe im being silly as when you get to my age companionship is more important? but im 56 and feel i still have time for someone who wants me... can anyone advise pse

BlueBelle Mon 12-Feb-18 10:34:24

Didn’t he hold your hand or give you a cuddle before you committed to buying a house together A relationship of two years seems strange that you haven’t noticed his lack of desire, cuddling and warmth why is this only bothering you now and not during your two year courtship when surely it would normally be at its height didn’t you notice it then ? That would have been far more important to me than a house together

Luckygirl Mon 12-Feb-18 10:39:08

Well, it seems that neither of you are really that interested in sex, which means you are a compatible couple - there are few enough of those around! Be happy about that and all his other virtues that enhance your life.

kittylester Mon 12-Feb-18 11:03:22

Good post Lucky!

crazyH Mon 12-Feb-18 12:45:33

I agree with Lucky.....all the best !

MissAdventure Mon 12-Feb-18 12:51:26

I suppose it depends on how things were in the beginning, and if they have changed from then?

DanniRae Mon 12-Feb-18 13:51:24

What happens if you reach for his hand to hold? Or sit close to him on the sofa and start to cuddle him? Because to me that's not sex it's pure affection - just one human being being loving towards another. Why is he with you if he's not even interested in any sort of contact? Sorry that's not helpful but I am puzzled.

Teetime Mon 12-Feb-18 14:39:08

I think 56 is very young to be giving up on sex. Would couples counselling help?

BlueBelle Mon 12-Feb-18 16:27:21

Danni Rae I m puzzled too what have they done over the last two years. If it’s been a problem all the time why set up home together, if it’s only recently happened ( and it doesn’t sound like it’s new) then maybe a check up is in order or at least a long frank talk

Christinefrance Mon 12-Feb-18 19:16:28

Yes its not clear what the sequence of events was. Sex is not the be all and end all, but affection and cuddles are very important. As BlueBelle said a long frank talk seems to be needed.