Support for all who are living with estrangement (2)

Hello Everyone

Thanks for all your supportive comments. I am not disappearing from the group but I will post comments about life after coming to terms with estrangement. Today I have written another Easter card to my grandson who knows nothing of me. I have been including him in presents etc so all grandchildren are treated as equally as I can make it but an Easter Egg won't last for 13 years until he is 18 so I put cash in the card but lol, I have been putting £10 notes inside. Today I went to the bank to find out if I have to open all the cards and cash stashed away for him but I don't. He will have to take old notes to the bank and pay them directly into his bank account and will get the money. £20 notes are to be replaced next year so they will be ok too. I really want to be alive and see him open cards and all this money falls out. Even if at 18 he isn't interested in Batman Lego I am sure he will be interested in money! I will be 83 then!

Morning all

Yes Sparkly Park Lane Mayfair, oh dear my sister may know her, but prob not. Last year my sister went to see one of her old friends from her Playboy days, she lives in the country in a beautiful big house, on her own, as her husband left her. She brought up their Son on her own, and guess what,.. she's never meet her grandchildren, her husband turned the boys head against her, when it was her bringing him up alone and guess again... she did nothing to deserve the cut-off

That's funny Yoga, your sister being a Playboy casino bunny. Not the Playboy casino in Park Lane, Mayfair, London? Funny thing is his second ex bunny wife took him to the cleaners and sometimes he rings me up to moan about her continued targeting of his, shall we say, resources. I don't listen for long lol. He expects sympathy lol.

Smileless lovely son.

When they did this to her the first time, she came to her mum & sister, she curled up next to me, traumatised at what they had done to her, I helped her and her husband [not nothing his true personality till after] and when all was back as it should be, her in her home with her children, she then join her jealous husband & his mother to cut me & then the rest of her birth family out of her, & her children's lives, that was my 'pay back' for helping her, when they were being so cruel & unkind to her!

Exactly Smileless, your last sentence! When my estD's husband & his mother repeat their discard of my D, as they did before in the most cruel and heartless manner, who will she have to turn to then....no one!

Morning ladies. It's raining here again and it's cold, I just hope we have a great summer to make up for this long winter.

I'm sure our ES and his wife lie to their children; as you say Yoga they're hardly likely to tell them the truth are they. When our DS was there over Christmas and the eldest was asking questions they changed the subject. Perhaps they weren't prepared to lie to their children in front of their uncle. Don't know why though, they told plenty of lies to him.

He is lovely Sparkly and I thank God for him every day. He's doing well, since the break up of his marriage and although he doesn't have to be, is very appreciative of the love and support that we give him which isn't easy with him living on the other side of the world.

The most rewarding thing any parent can do for their child, whatever their age, is to be there for them. How foolish these AC are, to silence the very people who would never have betrayed and abandoned them.

.....Not to mention her birth and baby & toddler years, when she asks, what do her parents say; they lie & deceive her of course, they can't tell her the truth can they!

Oh dear Sparkly my sister was a Playboy bunny! [casino bunny] sorry about your rat of a husband, I had one of those too!

Bodhitree "Happy Birthday" I hope you enjoyed your day, despite your estrangement from your D. Just to think, that special place in Hell reserved for all the S&D that have crucified their good kind gentle mothers & fathers, will be a meeting place for all our estD&S one day

Smileless yes good job our lovely S&D didn't succumb, they tried very hard with my DD, but as she is kind and gentle it didn't work on her, if it had I wouldn't be here now. When they said things about me she would reply no! that's not mum

Went to a party on Sunday, my DD's friend's little girls were there, my DD had already told me the eldest looked just like my Laila, and she really did, same age

Into the 6th year of this estrangement, no reason for it, [same as all on here], just cruelty, plain & simple. Yes it's not as painful as it once was, but that pain is still there, every day, not a day of rest from it and I will die with this pain in my heart, even if we were to be reunited, as that special bond I had with my GD&GS-gone, along with the love I had for my estD&S , how can you love someone that's done such a despicable thing to you, for no reason! I do still love my AC that were, but can't love my AC that are. Their wicked deeds can never be undone, can never turn the clock back, can never right the wrongs, I have been robbed forever of seeing my beloved GC grow up, all the first milestones, all gone and for them too, when my GD learns that not one of her family [aside from her mother] that loved and adored her, saw her first nativity play, sports day etc. so no one can retell the tale of how wonderful & funny she was, how clever, all the tales a child would love to sit hear from their GP, all taken away from her

Yoga your beautiful quote about ''Truth standing''.....its a profound quote and worth remembering when dealing with negativity.

I don't know if love always wins, I loved my first husband very much but I couldn't stop him running off with a receptionist from the London Playboy Club.....lol...

Smileless your kind son sounds lovely.

b0dhitree its the only thing to do after being treated badly, grip life and its good moments tightly and do our best to see good and wonderful things including friends, and refuse to be brought down or ruined by abusive behaviour.

Belated birthday wishes for you b0dhitree.

It is as you say, abuse. Emotional abuse of a particularly vile and cruel nature. There is nothing IMO irrational in having a 'cut off date' life goes on and what better form of revenge, if that's the right word, is there then to be happy and as fulfilled as we can be despite their absence from our lives.

Enjoy this next phase of your life and maybe you can let us know from time to time all of the times and laughter that you're sharing with your loving friends.

for you x

Hi Everyone. I haven't commented for a long time but I have to say that my emotions have changed! February 17th was my 70th birthday. All I wanted was for my children and their children to be with me as a family to celebrate just as my Mum and Dad did with their 70ths. For me emotionally and irrationally my 70th was the cut off date. If my daughter had not contacted me by then. then that was it! She would know exactly how much not sending a card on that day would hurt so I feel she is a hard nosed b***h who knows exactly what she is doing which actually is domestic abuse not only to me but to her son who knows nothing of me. Now I have a sign on my bathroom mirror which says 'WHAT AM I GOING TO ENJOY TODAY?' I never ever thought I would get over it but I THINK I have! I am going to spend the rest of my life laughing and sharing time with my many loving friends. Love and hugs to everyone who has to live with the nightmare of estrangement. xxx

Afternoon ladies.

for you and your DD grannygrace. Please know that you and yours are in our thoughts at this difficult and worrying time.

That quote reminds me of something I said to our DS at the beginning of our estrangement Yoga. I told him that believing a lie doesn't make it the truth and disbelieving the truth doesn't make it a lie.

There was a time when we feared losing him too Sparkly and when I told him that there'd been a time when I thought we would, he said 'yes I know'. I can only think that he could see that his brother was trying to turn him against us. Thank God he's a far better young man than his brother will ever be or no doubt we'd have lost him too.

Rhinestone don't be so hard on yourself. You're not becoming a bitter and angry person; at the moment you have feelings that are angry and bitter and who wouldn't, if they were going through what you and your DH are going through.

When our son first abandoned us, I cried all the time and I thought I'd always be like that, that I'd cry every single day for the rest of my life. I still cry occasionally of course but nothing like as much as I used too.

Then I had such intense feelings of rage and bitterness that I felt quite literally murderous, and I thought I'd feel that way for the rest of my life. I'm still angry and bitter, but nothing like as much as I used to be.

I don't doubt I'll always have those feelings and they'll surface from time to time but I don't beat myself up about it. I think it's understandable and I don't think anyone could have gone through what we've all gone through, and continue to go through and not have those feelings.

Is it worth one more try Rhinestone? Yes, of course it is if that's what you and your DH want but Joannab is right, when your letter's ignored at best, or at worse you get a hateful response, it knocks you back and you go back to the bottom of that mountain you've worked so hard to climb. The mountain of moving on, rebuilding your lives and letting go.

Maybe none of us will ever get to the summit but we owe it to ourselves and those that love us to keep climbing.

Granny Grace how awful that your daughter is so poorly, I hope she recovers streadily back to better health.

I haven't been around for a few days and there's so much to catch up on here.

Yoga you did what you felt was the right thing to do at the time when you went to court, if it felt the right thing for you to do at the time then it was so don't look back with regrets now.

Rhinestone I can see why you would want one last try as you say and suggest a letter goes, this is how I once was, but in reality they just ignore, I think because it puts them in control of us and they seem to thrive on it. All that happens with every kick back is we are left hurting all over again and have to get ourselves back on track.

I am so sorry for your pain in all of this.

Sending positive thoughts across the ocean Grannygrace

So sorry to read your post grannygrace, I hope she continues to recover, how dreadful for you all.

CrazyH xx

Sorry to hear about your daughter Grannygrace...hope she recovers well.
A very good quote from my countryman, Yogagirl ! Truth stands ....

Truth and love always triumphs
“When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love have always won. There have been tyrants and murderers, and for a time, they can seem invincible, but in the end, they always fall. Think of it–always.”
“An error does not become truth by reason of multiplied propagation, nor does truth become error because nobody sees it. Truth stands, even if there be no public support. It is self sustained.”
Mahatma Gandhi

Yoga yes drawing other family members in is a nasty technique in some estranged families. Trying to get all the 'blame' landed on the estranged person.

Grannygrace sorry to hear about your daughter, hope her recovery and rehab goes well.

Easter is another time when the estrangement looms large, if you go to church as I do, you get asked about Easter eggs and grandchildren, and people are just being friendly asking it.

Grannygrace so vey sorry to hear about your DD in hospital, she does sound very poorly, I wish her a speedy full recovery Hope your s.i.l & GDs are ok, not forgetting you too GG God bless you all xx

Hi ladies just catching up, glad to see the little community still going strong. I have been absent as I am in Devon helping out SIL and granddaughters while my DD is in Torbay hospital, she has been very poorly, but is slowly albeit very slowly recovering. She will be going to a rehab unit in Newton Abbot for a while as she has sustained a brain injury due to going into crisis and ending up in ICU for a while. Her sodium levels went sky high, which literally shrunk her brain she is on 3.1 litres of fluids per day, but struggling to get through it as her " I'm thirsty"mechanism has been damaged. It has been a very worrying time and she needs rehab to help bring back her short term memory. Will try to keep up with all your news when I can. Have a blessed weekend ladies.?

Rhinestone this estrangement ripples through the family, usually the estranger will try for other family members to join them, hope this is not happening with your husbands daughter. It happened to my Son, he was reeled in, 5yrs since I've seen or heard from him Yes she is estranged from her sister and all of her birth family, aside from her brother. Good on you, for letting your C see your mother, even though she was ill.

I watched 'One born every minute' last night, it's so emotional, this episode the two stories involved estrangement, not the same as ours, but estrangement all the same. I won't tell you, watch it on 'catch up' channel 4.