Mother's Day and Family Dynamics

I don't know why it's "beyond the ability of a son to call into a shop, buy a card and post it" Iam but I agree with Yoga it's not nice if you know for whatever reason your partner's going to forget his mum and just not bother to make sure she gets a card.

I hope they are mothers of sons and one day they'll know what it's like to be forgotten on MDay. Mr. S. and I have been married for more than 37 years and I still have to remind him of the date of his mother's bday. I wouldn't dream of allowing her to be upset.

I agree Iam but lets face it, men are not good at this sort of thing, so surely whilst the d.i.l is getting for her own Mother, it takes no more time to pick up two of each and make the m.i.l's day I did it for mine and my DD does it for hers.

yoga girl - these days the woman of the house is likely to be working all day as well as doing most of the emotional care of children, adult parents and organising dental appointments, world book day and endless other demands.

Why is it beyond the ability of a son to call into a shop, buy a card and post it. Flowers can be bought and taken round or if there's a distance involved, sent via one of those intaflora type places.

Yes Goodbye usually it's the lady of the house that get's the cards, flowers, chocs for their m.i.l, along with getting for their own Mother, their husband is no doubt working all day. Not a nice thing to do!

I popped onto to mumsnet to check on the dog threads (picking up our new puppy next weekend ). I chanced upon a couple of threads about Mothers Day where the posters said their MIL would not receive a card on MD as their partners hadn't (through inertia) sent a card & that they as a matter of principle wouldn't send one as it wasn't their mum & they shouldn't have to bother with their partners family.
Whilst of course in an ideal world sons would remember the day I can't help feel sad for those Mils without a card to open tomorrow.
It did make me wonder how many of them are the mothers of adult sons .

Im happy with cards, or a phone call from my children. They've all got their own families to think about. I never sent more than a card to my mother.

I will be having lunch with DH and DS1, DS2 is in Ireland so hopefully I'll get a call and DD will be with her DH and DC/DGC. I won't see my Mum but have sent a card and gift and will call her, hopefully my brothers who all live nearer than I do will be with her tomorrow.

It's complicated but better to go with the flow than agonise about what was and what you would like to be!

I agree with Alexa about Facebook ‘lives’. I’m sure lots of sons & daughters will have upped their game, in anticipation of pictures of the gifts, flowers, cards etc being posted on social media, with the accompanying messages saying how wonderful their children are!

I have never expected to see my sons on mother’s day, since they all left home. I won’t get a card from them either, as they don’t seem to do cards at all. However I did receive a bouquet yesterday from all 3. I also got some flowers and a card from one stepdaughter via the grandson, and a card and present in the post from the other stepdaughter so I have no complaints. I know my boys love me, and I’ll probably get messages from them all on the day.

Commiserations to all that have lost their loved ones, and will be lonely on the day

Well said Anniebach.

It's commercialised if people choose to make it so. Churches still hold Mothering Sunday services , these are free

The trouble with Mothers' Day or the normalisation of Mothering Sunday is that , like Christmas, those who are not mothers or who have no families , and so on, can and often do feel left out.

Like the normalisation of happy happy Facebook personas those who don't have pretty pictorial lives are left out.

In olden village days when the Church instructed employers to be nicer to their servants Mothering Sunday had a moral use. Now, not so, it's commercialised.

I agree with you CrayH & * Alexa* about sending a mother's day card to poor old m.i.l Player, she must be so very sad.

Sparkly & Sputnik

Same dynamics as me Irishrose with my Son being 6ft4ins & me 5ft 2inchs

When my C were growing up, I had the same recurring nightmare, I had the same one last night, about losing them, trying to find them, searching & searching for them.
Then the nightmare came true

What a lovely post Irishrose and I totally agree. x

Thank you allsorts and 'Happy Mother's Day' to you too & of course to all on here

Oh MaidMarion here's some for Mother's day, from one Mother to another. It is nice to get a card, with lovely words on from our loved AC, and a little bunch of flowers, to say thanks mum, just for being my mum even if it is, as you say, on a scrap of paper. Home made cards are the best anyway, aren't they.

Surely it should be simple. You only buy card/present for your OWN mother, unless of course you have a step mum that you are very close to. I would not even consider buying a card for my granny, inlaws or anyone else. No, that's a lie, I would buy m- in- l a card from her son, but both cards would be signed by us both. I did once buy some flowers on the day for my sister as she and her daughter don't speak and I was feeling sorry for her that year, not sure why lol. I really don't agree with all these cards you can buy today that say 'to my auntie/granny/niece/..... on Mother's Day as I think it diminishes it for your actual mothers. Oops, missed out adoptive mothers, but I would consider her to be my 'mum', but someone might pick up on it lol!

Mothering Sunday comes from a 16thC custom of visiting the mother church on the fourth Sunday in Lent. It then became customary for servants to be given the day off to visit their mother church and their mothers.
Mother's Day is a 20th C American invention to honour mothers and it happens in May. I believe similar Days happen in other countries on different days.
I just think it’s good that Motherhood is honoured worldwide.?

Storynanny, our messages crossed in the post. Great minds think alike.

Not sure this year - weekend coincides with a dd's birthday and her partner has booked a long weekend away for her. Other dd and family were meant to be going to see her lovely ILs last weekend, but snow put a stop to that.
I've told her that if they want to go, absolutely fine with me - we'll do something later.

Traditionally dds have made an effort, so won't be at all bothered if they can't for once.
There was a v nice Sunday lunch for all of us a few yrs ago, when Dh was determined to pay, since it was a lot for dds.
We were watching like hawks in case either of them sneaked off with purse to pay.
Eventually Dh sneaked off to do it, only to find that a dd had already paid! She had sneaked off - minus bag or purse - having stuffed credit card down her bra!!!!

Anniebach, like many others, including many old ladies, I am not a churchy person. I have however heard of the tradition of Mothering Sunday. It began with the Christian and patronising motive to free one's servant on that day so that she could visit her mother in a village perhaps some miles distant. Otherwise she never saw her mother being too busy working from dawn till dusk.

It was lovely when the children were young and made a catd but we never got into the present thing, totally uneccesary in my opinion.
I think it is a difficult day for so many women though. I feel for my oh daughtets who list their mum as teenagers, my friends who never managed to get pregnant and those with difficult relationships with their mothers.
2 of my sons live abroad and will probably facetime ( mithers day us on a different date where they live) and youngest will be at work on Sunday so will probably call in sometime this
week.
Its all fine, just another commercialised adaptation of the original Mothering Sunday ( girls in service going home to see their mum and go to their mother ie local church with family.

Playermojo, at this time of your life when you are strong and healthy do try to rise above the weakness of others and send the old lady a nice bunch of flowers.

I don't think,of it as Mothers Day, it is Mothering Sunday and has been for many,many,many years

Mothers' Day is an American import for commercial purposes.

Cynicism apart, I am anxiously aware of the transience of any and all family traditions. As someone else wrote in this thread there are people who haven't any relatives at all.