Mother's Day and Family Dynamics

I was pulling your leg MawBroon There should be a dictionary for these audibles, but Eglantine gave a good explanation, so maybe we can call on her from time to time

Ah right.
An audible
What I might call. A Hmm.
Sorry yoga transcriptions of grunts are always tricky

I think it's something like huhummm. An excuse me sort of cough that tails off into a deep hum ( accompanied by a roll of the eyes or Paddingtons hard stare)

Seriously.

MawBroon if you don't know what an aum is, well I never did

Hildajennij, next year tell your son that you will be having a day off cooking as it is Mother’s Day. Treat yourself to something nice.

What’s an aum?

Ooh Hilda think you should have held that lovely roast dinner back, with a little cough and an aum!

Ditto here hilda I was always the one cooking for every occasion.
Some years I was cooking for my own mother when she got old and then coming home and cooking for my 2 and their spouses.
I think actually we like being martyrs, at least it gives us something to moan about.?

Yesterday I had a visit from DD and DGD. They brought me a card, box of chocolates and A very pretty jar containing an unscented candle. Today my DS came for his lunch, as he does every Sunday. No gift or card from him though he did mention the day. I didn't expect anything from him, but his flippant, unthinking remarks made me sad and a little cross. I didn't show it, but felt a bit deflated. He said that he was glad to be away from all the busyness at the pub (where he works) as they had lunch bookings until 4pm. In all the years I've been a mother, never once have I been treated to lunch at a restaurant. Maybe next year then.

Hear, hear notoveryet sorry that your DDad died on Mother's Day, my dad died traumatically too, it was the eve of my Son's birthday, just past midnight, I always make sure I say it was the day after his birthday, but in actually fact I do think of it as on his birthday

I think it mean too Smileless

Cabbie if I was cooking today, you could come too

It was always me cooking the Sunday, Xmas, Easter, Mother's Day dinner and all were invited.

rockgran yes it is nice to be remembered. Wonder if my estD&S are remembering me today

My son and family live quite far away but I got a big box of chocs and a card delivered and a lovely phonecall this morning. I'm quite happy just to be remembered on the day and feel it is only right that my lovely daughter in law is the centre of their attention today.

One grandson popped in with a card from his mum, my daughter, and there is a promise to go out for lunch one day soon tba.
Flowers delivered yesterday from my son but all arranged by his wife. However he did ring me this morning. Lovely.
Today he is cooking lunch not only for his family ( that is not unusual) but also for his MIL and other members of his wife’s family.
I am sure if I were widowed he would invite me too, but as it is, I am rarely included in their family celebrations.

On the subject of cards.....
After my husband died Ilooked and looked for a card that said To my Mother-in-Law on Mothers Day. It didn't feel right to send a To my Mother one or to send nothing. I settled for a blank one.
Nowadays there's cards for grans, aunties, friends even but nothing that says Mother in Law. Too late now but I would have bought one!

I certainly don't think that card buying is an exclusively "pink job" but I would often buy a card for DHs mum when buying one for my mum. Neither of us are the type to go for sentimental style cards & would rather write our own message so i could just choose a card with some nice flowers on the front. Sadly as neither of them is now with us (sorry if that counts as euphemism ?) it is rather hypothetical.
I got on fine with MIL but we weren't particularly close but for her not to have a card to open on MD for me to prove a point with DH, nah, not for me.

If a relationship is a parternship there will be discussions about who picks up cards and chooses gifts. I loved my mum in law and was her go to person to buy clothes when she was no longer able to go shopping. It was usually a task we shared and we’d then visit and enjoy her pleasure in a new blouse
Shared responsibility is totally different than an assumption that your husband or partners mother won’t get a gift or card unless thedaughgter in law assumes responsibility

My mother died when I was in my early twenties, for many years afterwards I found Mothers Day very painful. It would certainly have been excruciatingly painful for me if I had had to buy a card for somebody else's mother.

If it's the post I read the OPs parents were dead and it was painful for her to even look at Mothers/Fathers days cards.
If that's the case the husband is a bit of a shit for
1) Not grabbing his own mother a card when he was in a card shop buying his wife's card from the children.
And 2) Expecting his wife to buy one when it's painful for her as she's lost her mom.

You can order cards online now to have it delivered. Mothers day is plastered everywhere.

I agree at the 'will you grab me one while you're in the card shop?' Is fine. But what if there's no woman? Does the mother just not get a card?

I don't think anyone's saying that "once a man marries he need never buy another greetings card for the rest of his life" MawBroom (BrooN)

Just quoting a well enough known saying.

How about we bring our sons up to be kind, thoughtful and independent individuals capable of sending their mother’s a card. As some one has said it’s not like their wives/partners haven’t got enough to do.

I think most men are capable of going into a card shop or if they are so busy and important logging into moon pig.com. If this is beyond a son then maybe we should ask ourselves as mother’s of sons what we could have differently in tasing them.

Of course I’m willing to help if there is a problem and my husband has forgotten.

I don't think anyone's saying that "once a man marries he need never buy another greetings card for the rest of his life" MawBroom.

IMO it's mean of a d.i.l. when buying her mother's MDay card, not to purchase 2 if she knows that her husband is going to forget.

I don't agree that posters are knocking d's.i.l. in general, just those who seem quite happy for their m's.i.l. to go without a card on Mday even though they could quite easily have made sure they didn't.

I always bought the cards for my mum and mil. Didn't worry me and I was in the shop anyway. Sadly they are no longer with us and my much loved dad died traumatically on mothers day . Surprisingly I still like the day and will be with several generations of family for lunch. Its one of those things really, if you enjoy it, do it, if you don't then don't do it, but always keeping in mind its not a great effort to send a card if it will mean a lot to the recipient.

Not being a son and only having had daughters I do puzzle as to why some men seem incapable of marking/remembering occasions like Mothering Sunday or birthdays? Is it inherent selfish centredness or laziness? Or societal lower expectations? I would love to know?

Just shows what a good, kind, thoughtful person you are Smileless, your estS is missing all of that, as well as all the love you had for him! xx

No, no, no!
A man should buy his own Mothers Day flowers or card.
It is antediluvian to believe that once a man marries he need never buy another greetings card for the rest of his life!
What century are we in talking about referring to “the lady of the house buying the cards, flowers, chocs etc ” etc while the “man is at work all day? “
My DDs have careers too which involve being “at work all day” as do all the young women I know.
So let’s not make this another opportunity to knock DILs.