Being criticised when ill

Peardrop50 Spot on!

It goes something like this - to a friend, it won't matter.

Jette, how rude of your visitor. Perhaps Churchill’s quote would have helped. My house will be tidy when I’m better but you madam will still be a rude person.....

How rude! If it was a friend, they could've enquired after your health and then offered to help?
I had a UTI recently and apart from the pain, it left me feeling very weak and tired for a couple of weeks,so you have all my sympathy and I hope you feel better soon...

Rudeness is worse than untidiness - Chinesecrested!! I love it - you’re absolutely right! Get well soon, OP and stop worrying about this insensitive person - we’re all on your side.

Agree with everything above and hope that you’re now feeling better and able to get out and about rather than staying home tidying! You can do that when it’s too cold/hot/raining, whatever to go out.....if you want to. I feel sorry for the visitor who has nothing better to think about than your level of tidiness, suggest she doesn’t get out enough as they used to say!

They should see my place! Take no notice. Hope you are feeling better .

I'm surprised anyone was rude enough to comment that your house was untidy! Mine's always untidy - I live in it! I'm sure it's clean, reasonably clean, not sparkling! And if not, so what? Who cares? Rudeness is worse!

I’m sorry you are unwell, get better soon. ?
How rude of anyone to come into your home and make such a comment.
Clearly not coming to see you but to criticise your home! When you’re better, have a declutter of these type of ‘friends’ ????

How insensitive ! Maybe next time you see them, you could tell your visitor how you felt? This would give you time to feel calmer about it, and gives them a chance to understand, in the cool of the moment. Few of us can talk in a way another can really take it on board, in the heat of the moment. I hope you are much better now.

Can I just say that if I had a visitor when I was laid up and they asked if I would like some help with housework I would be very peeved. The right question is, ‘Is there anything I can do to help you until you are on your feet again?’ Offering to do the hoovering is just confirming what I knew and was embarrassed about already. My favourite visitors were the ones who turned up with meals and ignored the muddle. I exempt my own DCs from this; I hoovered and cleaned after them for long enough and they owe me ?

When someone makes hurtful comments, Jette, you should ask yourself what their subconscious motivation is. I was hurt when a visiting friend, for whom I'd thrown a dinner party, inviting some really nice people for her entertainment, said to me: "You only had that dinner party to show off." When I analysed where this was coming from I reasoned that she had few friends and never invited anyone to her home because she could not trust her alcoholic husband to behave himself. She has made one or two catty remarks to me and I'm put in mind of what my mother would say: " When someone is nasty to you the usual reason is jealousy." You are evidently a superior person to your friend as I suggest you wouldn't dream of hurting someone's feelings the way she hurt yours. Of course you could say to her, " Have you any idea how you made me feel in my weakened state when you made that comment? Did you enjoy hurting my feelings?" But that would take courage. I'm rooting for YOU.

How rude of your visitor. I would never dream of commenting on the state of someone's house. Hope you are feeling better now. My mother kept getting UTIs so I started giving her a daily cranberry tablet and she never had one again. Maybe it would help you too.

Jette look at it another way, perhaps your house is usually so clean and tidy they were surprised that it was less than perfect. Anyway still very rude you should have given her a packet of antibacterial wipes!
Hope you feel better soon

A true friend would have tactfully asked you if you needed any help with housework etc if they had noticed that you were in a pickle .... don’t let it bother you, it’s her problem not yours, you have plenty of time when you get back on your feet to get things back up to scratch ?

Lucky Girl’s thoughts match my own exactly! Why on earth did your visitor not offer to do it for you?
Don’t worry about a remark from an obviously insensitive person.

Ignore them, that’s your home, I always say this is my home, if it doesn’t suit others they are not forced to visit, I don’t tell anyone that their place looks like a show house with no home comforts at all, your home is your comfort place, too bad if they don’t accept that. Hope you are over your illness now, you concentrate on getting back to full health, our houses will be there a long time after we have gone

My friend & I admitt both our houses are untidy. No longer have children at home but both have cats, so toys everwhere.
We both still have visitors who do not seem to mind the mess. One says she feels comfortable in our houses so is always welcome.
Do not take any notice of the critic. If you are happy but a bit untidy then enjoy & get well soon! You are the one who matters.

I am recovering from a bout of flu and it has taken a month. I would be embarrassed for anyone to see my flat right now but there is no way I can do anything about it. There is no point in feeling sensitive about something outside your control. A lack of manners is worse than an untidy house.
Just remember that it is clearly someone whose opinion is not worth much if they are so unable to take circumstances into account and lack any level of tact or courtesy.

Bloody cheek! Says a lot more about them than you, none of it good. Feel better soon.

I live on my own with my bearded collie. My house is always a bit untidy but I don't care at all, it's my home and that's the way I like it. I have a friend who gets up a 5.30 each day to start cleaning until 10.30. Who's house would you care to share?

Unbelievable!
I wouldn't dream of commenting on the state of someone's home, nor would I discuss it with anyone else.
If it was a person I knew well and knew they were ill, I would ask if there was anything I could do. Otherwise say nothing.
Don't let it get to you. She's obviously tactless but might have some other redeeming qualities.
Get well soon.

Reminds me of my mother. She insisted on visiting me when I had 'Flu, I would not have got out of bed otherwise. I made some comment about the place being untidy and she said 'Yes, it is isn't it'. No help, nothing, just brought me oranges, which I did not ask for.

People should come to see you , not your home. If they are judging you like that then they are very shallow. Hope you soon feel much better.

DM’s saying was “An ounce of help is worth a pound of sympathy” I would add “and a ton of criticism”. to you