My first husband died in tragic circumstances when we were in our thirties leaving me with young children. I always had a great relationship with his parents and maintained this over the following years. When my youngest went away to university I eventually got round to developing a social life and during that time I met my second partner and now husband. My mother in law was happy for me and loved my new husband, she would introduce us as "my daughter and son in law". I loved her, she was a second mother to me in every way.
Anyway I retired early and we bought a second home abroad where my husband had lived before we met. I didn't want to cut all ties with my home and neither did he with his so we agreed to spend half our time here and half there. My mother in law lived independently and initially had good health during this time but eventually she needed more assistance and had a great team of carers to help her out. She had loads of friends who called to see her, her house was never empty, and her son and his wife who lived an hours drive away would spend the weekend with her every few weeks as would her other son who is unmarried. We also continued to see her during the 6 months we spent at home.
Unfortunately the time came when she took ill and had to go into hospital. It became clear she would no longer be able to live by herself. At this time we were on our 6 months away. Her son telephoned me to say he and his wife had decided to move her to a care home 70 miles away from her home to be closer to them for visiting. I expressed my concern as she had lived in her home for 70 years and would be leaving all her friends and connections behind and asked what her other son thought and was told "we will just have to fall out about it if he doesn't agree". My biggest regret is that I didn't fly home right away to see what my mother in law felt about this as I'm sure she would have been upset and scared and I could have fought for her. It breaks my heart that I let her down. She never left hospital and passed away two weeks later. My only consolation is that he never got to move her away.
Since then I have been cut off from her family. They didn't include me or my children in any of the decisions about her funeral, we were made to feel like outsiders. Nor was I included in any of the decisions around the sale of her house even though I was left an equal share of it in her will. She also left me money which they made difficult for me to recover and I would have loved to have chosen a few tokens of her possessions for myself and my children but they spent a month clearing her house and the opportunity was never offered nor was my offer of help taken up even though I lived nearby and they didn't. My brother in law even tried to make me pay a bigger share of the expenses associated with the sale, his rationale being that he and his wife and brother had to do all the work even though I had offered to help, but relented when his brother agreed with me that the bills should be evenly split.
We never see them now. For 40 years I thought they were my family but I was clearly deluded. I'm left to speculate why they froze me out. Did they think I didn't do my share of caring for her, it's true that I didn't because I was away so much and I feel very guilty about that. Or did they think I shouldn't have been included in her will. I never expected to be. Years ago she tried to talk to me about it but I couldn't think about it and suggested whatever she would have left her son, my first husband, she could leave to our children. I told her all I wanted after she died was a tea set I loved (she arrived with it all boxed up a week later!!). She was such a great friend, mother and grandmother and I miss her so much.
It's been 4 years now since she died and I go over and over it but still can't find peace with it all. I know none of you can give me any answers I was just hoping that in writing it all down it might not look as bad as it feels. But it still does. Thanks for reading my story if you've got this far.
Sent from my iPad
. The S.O. and his brother haven't spoken since their mum died; so much bitterness and resentment just rose to the surface
Good Morning Saturday 16th May 2026
Ethical question - how do you feel about second chance??
Ladies would you post on a predominantly male forum on a sexual matter?
