Childhood sibling rivalry

My Dad remaried after my Mum died, then he and my step mum had my half sister -5 years between us. She got to know that if she did something naughty I would get the blame. I felt she always got her own way. I left home when she was 13 and we chat now and again. Sad really but she lives abroad now so cant see us becoming close.

I have 4 sisters but no brothers. 3 of my sisters are older than me and when I was a child they mothered and fussed over me. I can clearly recall I was 4 1/2 when my youngest sister was born and when we were told it was a girl so we had another sister my eldest 2 sisters who were 16 and 15 announcing good we won't have to deal with a spoilt brother. I remember innocently thinking why would a brother be spoilt? Now both of our parents have sadly died and although all 5 sisters live in different areas of the country we remain very close. They are such a blessing to me.

My sister asked me to go to her school reunion with her, as she was a bit nervous.
When we got there her friends said "Oh, see you're still having to drag HER (me) along with you!"

I entirely blame my parents for my dislike of my younger sister when we were children. There was a 5 years age gap and I wasn’t allowed to do anything without taking her along . My mum even had the cheek to refuse me a sleepover at my friends house unless the sister could come too . I can’t imagine what my friends mum must’ve thought .

These days we get on quite well although we are very different .

catterygirl, surely a much less drastic solution lay in yours and your DHs hands, have a second child, but treat them both equally.

The root of sibling rivalry is either preferential treatment by parents or the encouragement of competititon between siblings, also by parents. There will be the occasional exception, but it is only occasional.

I do know families where sibling rivalry has almost destroyed it. Read GN to find more, but in most families siblings get on well and are a loving support to each other.

Greengage I could have written your post! We are very lucky!

mumofmadboys
Yes such a shame. Waste of her life. Through choice she never had children. Then regretted it. No husband, again through choice.
She had three wonderful nephews in my sons. All of us despised by her.

I think I was one of the lucky ones. I have two older brothers. Sometimes I loved them, sometimes I didn't. They teased and bullied me on occasions but that taught me to stand up for myself as a consequence. In turn each one of us was sent off to boarding school aged about 12. My parents always had one at home as the eldest left school when it was my turn to go. We all lived at home after leaving school until the oldest married aged 27. We adored our parents, and have maintained close relationships with each other though we have scattered geographically over the years. We are now all in our 70s and remain close as do all our children. A great family to be part of.

The reason I chose to have only one child is I didn't want my son to suffer like I did with a spoiled younger sibling. My husband had 5 spoiled siblings and felt the same way.

radicalnan

Gmelon that is so sad your big sister never spoke to you. What a damaged person she was. So sad.

We weren't allowed to fight, so we learned how to scream silently, as we pummeled the hell out of each other.

I also fought with my older brother.When my Mum told me she was having a baby when I was 7, I so wanted a sister, she woke me in the night to come and look at my baby brother.I was so disappointed and was horrible to him,we became close for a while when older,but he turned to drugs and committed suicide aged 23, I felt so guilty and wished I’d been nicer to him.I did know a girl called Brian ?,her Dad had wanted a Boy,I think that’s an awful thing to do,she must have had to explain herself to everyone she met.

My sister was three and a half years younger than me, and we loved each other until she was about four and then we started quarrelling all the time. If anyone had asked as then, I certainly would have said I hated her, and I think she would have said the same.

As adults we realised that we had picked up on the fact that our parents weren't getting on well with each other at that time, without realising that that was what was wrong.

As teenagers we formed an unstable alliance against our mum, who sometimes played one of us off against the other.

Once we were fully grown up and away from home, we sat down one day and discussed what had gone wrong when we were children. I was completely shattered when my little sister said that she had always felt I was the only person who really loved her for who she was. I felt horribly guilty that when we were small I don't think I felt like that about her.

Happily, we were very good friends as adults until her far too early death aged 60.

My older sister was always on the mean side - and as we got older the differences grew - my brother was given licence to misbehave and break things that belonged to me because he had a brain injury at birth that left him with the reading/writing skills of a 6 year old, although he was brilliant with mathematics. I don't keep in touch with either - although my son keeps in contact with my sister. I do keep in contact with my much older half sister(who is in her 80's) though and have met both her sons and their partners, hoping to meet her daughter, who is a few months older than me, soon too.

I'm with Catgrandma too. My older brother was horrible to me when we were young. Hitting, punching, pulling out my hair and constantly being verbally nasty calling me names. I think he was attempting to cover his own fears by bullying me.
I still keep in touch with him for my parents sake rather than because I want to. Also very aware that he has no other relatives, and few friends, whereas I have OH, children and grandchildren, and some very good lifelong friends. I'm very lucky.

My late sister never spoke to me.
Throughout our lives she did not once speak to me.
She was six when I was born.

She died at fifty six.

The rest of the family were treated as if they were dirt on her shoe. Looked down her nose with disdain at all of us.

Our now eighty seven year old mother went through hip operations, knee operations, spinal surgery.
My sister lived a few minutes from mothers house but refused to help her .
I'm 6 hours drive away.

Massive chip on her shoulder about .....well everything actually.

My brother and I always fought he even tied me to tree once. We are very close now we are older and laugh about our childhood days.

My sister and I used to physically fight and bicker. The fighting stopped when we both threw heavy books at each other and realised we could really hurt each other. However, we were not very close then or now. My brother used to do things like dropping a worm down the neck, but we got on better and played well together. Same sort of imagination. My sister was very practical, tidy and organised. I was not! Sharing a bedroom caused a lot of friction.

My brother, six years younger than me, was my playmate used to play barber's cut his hair with nail scissors, he quietly sat and let me. As we grew older he became the person who, looked out for me, I miss him dreadfully.

There were five and a half years between my sister and I and we did not get on at all well until she was about fourteen. She goaded me and we fought like cats and dogs. My parents should have intervened but they were always out working or socialising.

When my sister became a teenager we got on very well and I think, mum then being divorced, I played something of a mother role to her and was responsible and a good influence. At any rate she followed me into teaching after a period of fun and games. We were the best of friends at this time.

When she married my sister reverted to envy and spikiness. She found a MIL who was clearly more competent than our mother and a SIL who was the sister who never knew her in her worse years and with whom she could start again. She dumped the pair of us, emotionally speaking. I dread the 'venting' emails (her word) she sends when she needs a scapegoat.

My mother took to her bed with what they then called a nervous breakdown after losing a baby when I was ten, I had an older brother who hid himself away and two younger siblings, the youngest just two. I was expected to get everyone up for school and cook breakfast and then a lady arrived to mind the two year old while the rest of us were at school. I had a lot of responsibility but enjoyed the rôle, being a bit of an organiser (bossy?) and this continued for years. The two year old was 11 when I left home for the big city and I missed her terribly. Decades later I discovered that she harboured huge resentment that as the youngest she got told what to do for years by her 8 years older sister and there was a volcanic eruption which caught me completely unawares. Now in our 70s we have got over it but it is still the elephant in the room. Sad to remember.

My twin is bossy and loud. When we were about seven we talked about about being afraid of the dark, both saying we weren't. In order to 'prove it' we were to take it in turns to get into mum's wardrobe and the other would shut the door, just for a few seconds.
Being quieter I don't know how I managed to get her to go in first, however I shut the door, turned the handle. After about 10 seconds there was a little knock from inside, "You can let me out now," but no matter how I tried I just couldn't open the door. Whoops.
Mum had gone shopping (on foot, only three streets away) so I ran to find her. As she approached the front door I called, "Mum, help, R---- is stuck in the wardrobe!"
Her stunned reply, "Well, whatever is she doing in there?" She came up and freed her. Then of course R---- said, "Now it's your turn." "Not on your Nelly" I insisted. It was one of the few times I ever got my own back on her.
She's still bossy and loud but I answer her back now.
This little incident still makes me laugh.

When asked to feed the neighbours rabbit while they were on holiday, I told my sister it was a 'killer rabbit' and we took a chair and a home made whip (string on a stick) just in case it turned nasty............

My brother (four years my senior) and I just ignored each other most of the time. I regarded him as much older, and we had nothing in common. We never went to the same school. He was sometimes very nasty to me - I think he was jealous.

We continued to ignore each other as adults, but each knew what the other was doing via our parents. He came to my wedding and I went to his, but that was about it. After childhood, we always lived at opposite ends of the country.

Since our parents died we have kept in touch, more or less, but mostly via his wife whom I like very much. He is over 80 now, and it was only recently I realised he wouldn’t live for ever. I realised that although we have little to do with each other even now, I do expect him to be there.