My sister won't let me see our sick, elderly widowed mum

I have been a lurker here for a while, seeing if I could help anyone else with their problems, as well as trying to see if anyone else has had the same problems that I have, and trying to make sense of what has happened to me over the last 18 months.......I'm so depressed and down about the situation that I now find myself in, which I will share with you below, that I would value any suggestions, advice or support......thank you in advance!

I will try to be succinct.......my dad died just over 17 months ago, he had been ill, but his death was a huge shock to us all, and we had not been expecting it so soon....this is where the trouble with my sister and I started; because I lived in France at the time my mum and dad made their wills, my dad assumed (incorrectly as it happened) I could not be an executor and made my younger sister sole executor. We subsequently sold the house in France and moved back to the UK, after dad died, so we could be closer to my mum and help with her care etc.

We bought a house with a lovely granny annex, so she (mum) could live with us when she wasn't at my sister's, who has built a wooden chalet/shed (very small) in her small backyard. It was supposed to be shared care, with mum visiting both of us when she wanted, as she was still very independent at 84 years old and still driving etc.

My sister started being domineering and controlling as soon as dad died, she did not want me to be involved in any aspect of the funeral, and even wanted me to forward the email I sent to the vicar to her, so she could check I'd written it correctly, by the way, I am a free-lance writer, so I felt confident that the email was perfectly acceptable!

I stood my ground and planned to the funeral with her, and it all went well. We planned some dates when we could both visit mum, independently, to ease her into a new life without dad, and I stayed there the most - almost 2/3 months in batches of 2 weeks here and there, which I was happy to do, as I am free-lance, and my sister works Monday to Friday, so it seemed a fair way of doing it. But, she called every night, and had me read all the mail to her, and NEVER allowed me to participate and help in any of the admin or paperwork, even though her executor role does not start until our mum passes away, she controlled everything and never told me a thing, about what was happening. Mum obviously felt bullied and asked me to just go along with it, and I did to keep the peace.

Subsequently, she has told me I could't see her on dates I had planned with mum, (always celebratory dates such as birthdays, Mothering Sunday, Christmas etc) resulting in me having to cancel and amend several flights from France to the UK, at great financial expense. She then planned things with mum WITHOUT telling me, so when I called mum at home, she didn't answer the phone, and I was sick with worry. Then a day later, it emerged that she was staying with my sister, but nobody had told me she was there.

This went on at regular intervals, and because my mum is not internet savvy and doesn't use a mobile phone, I was also deprived of verbal contact with her, as nobody ever answered the phone at my sister's house, and when she was at work during the day, she HID the phone so mum could's answer it if I called! (Mum found it under a writing bureau in a box, the lounge eventually)

Things went from bad to worse, and I was not involved when my dad's ashes were interred, and the vicar didn't even know there was another daughter, or granddaughter as in my daughter when we got there. We had to fight to find out where and where it was too, and my sister told me reluctantly one day when mum was in the same room as her, so she had too.

Suffice to say, mum went to stay with my sister for Christmas AND New Year, even though by that stage we were back in the UK and happy to have her stay with us for part of the festive period.....and I've not seen my mum since last September 2017 due to my sister being a bully and a control freak, UNTIL tragically she had a major stroke 2 weeks ago.

I live in the North, my sister lives in the South and mum had her stroke at home in Yorkshire - we both went up there immediately, and as my sister got there before me, she made herself SOLE next of kin, so I am NOT mentioned anywhere on the next of kin form and told the hospital that they should only contact her in the event of an emergency, even though I am at least 4 hrs closer than she is to the hospital. Again, when I turned up, they had no idea who I was and I had to show them my passport to prove I was the other daughter! My sister told me not to call the hospital, which I ignored, and said that I had to run it by her when I could visit.

For the last 2 weeks we've been going backwards and forwards to see her, and having to stay with my husband's sister, which is an hour and half away from the hospital, as my sister is continuing to be nasty and vindictive, and very awkward and won't let us stay at mum's house nearby (she got there first and has the keys), even though mum thinks and assumes we are staying there - and, I don't want to worry her with the obvious sibling jealousy and rivalry issues, as although she still understands everything and can speak albeit with a slur, she is paralysed in her left hand side and is feeling very depressed and vulnerable, which is natural after such a life changing event. I just want her to try to get better with no stress or worry.....

She's (my sister been an utter nightmare, and has now requested (behind my back) that our mum be transferred to a hospital in the South, so mum can be near her and her family, this she did without consulting or telling me, we only found out when we saw it on her notes and the consultant thought it was me who had requested it..........it's all to to do with inheritance and money we think, as she never bothered much with mum and dad when dad was alive, I went to see them every month, even though I was in France. If/when she is transferred to the South, this effectively means that my visits to mum will be culled due to the extra distance involved and the fact that there is nowhere to stay down there, and we can't afford to stay in a B and B or hotel for any length of time, they will be fleeting visits for 2 to 3 days.

I have tried to be as brief as possible, basically my sister wants me to have no contact with our mum and never consults me on any care issues etc, and she has taken over all of mum's bank accounts and admin, even though mum was capable of doing it before she had the stroke. Obviously the next step is that my sister will get sole power of attorney.

I'm so sad and depressed, as it is obvious that she will not allow me to share the care for mum and she is just so toxic when she contacts me, she turned into a monster once my dad died and when she was told that she would be sole executor, that's when we all noticed the change.

Sorry to be so verbose, but I am hurt, sad, shocked and worried, and I just don't know where or to whom I to turn too......I feel that I not only lost my dad when he died, but I lost my mum too......do you think I have any legal rights to see her and ask to be involved in her ongoing recovery and care?