When is a marriage over

My thinking is that if you and your OH split, you will be in the same boat that you are now, i.e. having to work fulltime, shop, do the housework etc. Of course that would only be for one, but does it make much more work doing it for two?
I would tell him you are fed up, then make your own social life, as fluttERBY123 suggested.

You could develop some interests of your own? TheU3A has lots of different groups - our local one does painting, drawing, local history, ukelele...a friend of mine a single lady, has joined eleven groups! She does belly dancing, Chinese calligraphy, flower arranging etc and tbh is very rarely at home! DH would have to do the shopping and cooking, especially as you're still working! It sounds as though you haven't actually sat down and discussed it with him? I know it's difficult. Maybe he's a bit depressed?

I suspect a marriage is over if you really don't care anymore about even being in the same room as your other half which is a very sad state to be in. Could you go off for a couple of weeks to a different town and see how you feel then? All good wishes to you.

If your husband has only recently retired he might just be taking some time out and relaxing, in which case he may get bored after a year and look around for something to do. But it is unacceptable that he does not help in the house. Is he much older than you?
Is it possible for you to have a trial separation - maybe a year? You and he need to face up to the realities of your respective financial positions if you split up. Can you
move into your own bedroom, make another room -if you have one - into a second lounge, split the furniture, get your own tv, buy and cook just for yourself, and do only your own washing and ironing, and split all the household bills doen the middle. In other words, you are leaving him as a wife but staying in the house that belongs to you both (unless you are renting?).

At the prospect of this, or after a few months of it, your husband might suggest that you take it in turns to cook etc (or he might go downhill and eat takeaways, leaving the debris piling up in the kitchen!) You could try it and see. Love takes many forms, and it is cheaper for two to live together than apart, you might split and be alone for the rest of your life, and sometimes the devil you know is the better option. However, if after one final effort as above, things don’t change and you find that you just can’t stand him anymore, I think you need not feel guilty at walking away from him.
Ironically, the chances are that he will end up with a new partner and become a new man!

If your husband hadn't retired I'd think you are Shula Archer and I've been thinking about how unkind she is to Alastair to tell him out of the blue that it is over.

In practical terms, you can get a divorce on grounds of breakdown of marriage. It sounds as if this might be what happened. I believe if is compulsory to have some form of counselling now, so you might want to check that. If you divorce and own your home then it could be sold and you could get part of the value, which might let you buy a place of your own. Have you got savings? Do you and husband have a joint account or separate bank accounts?

In the meantime your husband should do some of the household chores if he is retired and you work. Have you asked him to? You could try not shopping and meeting a friend out a few times for a meal, not providing one for him . Or give him a list and ask him to shop or do an online order for delivery. You should point out the things that are making you unhappy so that the news that things are not working out is not a shock for him.

I would say you need to think carefully about the housing and financial issues before doing anything. If boredom is the main problem and he is not beating you up or withholding money or stuff like that here is nothing to stop you getting a social life without him being involved. Plus give him a list of stuff to do around the house while you are at work.

Life't far too short to pickle pumpkins or, for that matter, stay with someone you no longer love.
I doubt that talking to him will change your mind (despite other comments to the contrary) and my advice before you say anything to him, is to look at your finances and options with a clear head.
1) Would you be entitled to any of his pension?
2) Could you manage on your salary?
3) Have you any children?
4) Where can you envisage living?
5) If you moved out of the area, could you still work for your present employer?
I think your mind is made up and you just need to plan a path forward.
I hope you find answers and a new beginning. It could very well be an exciting new start, we're a long time dead.
Lots of luck

I would certainly check for depression. Retirement is a huge change in our lives. I read somewhere about the peak times of stress in people's lives and R was up there with marriage and children.
I would resent my DH if he watched tv all day and left me all the housework. See a counsellor or doctor or CAB before you take drastic action. Good luck but remember to consider all the alternatives.

Oh you do have my sympathy Vauxhall! I am going through something similar at the moment. Life at times just does not seem worth it does it? My advice to you is to do what I have been doing, Talk to the miserable so and so and tell him how you feel, then get out there and make a life for yourself. I am doing this now, told him how he was making me feel, made him listen and told him I am not here just to take care of him. He said he hadnt realised and to be honest he is making an effort but I have also got on my bike so to speak and broadened my horizons even if its just taking a walk (not easy as I have mobilty issues!) in the park. I have came to realise in the last week that life is what you make it no point expecting anyone else to live it for you! I have just booked a holiday with my OH, like I said he is making an effort, so wish me luck with that! The first thing you should do is talk to yourself about what you want then you are ready to tackle him. If it goes well you never know things could change. Best of luck and I am sending hugs and support to you you can do it!

Don't walk out or you will find yourself in a dubious position concerning property rights. If you own the house jointly see a solicitor and institute divorce proceedings. You might be a bit poorer and live in a smaller house but you would be a lot happier.

NemosMum sorry to also be very blunt, but being brutally honest, Caring for someone with Depression or Dementia is a life sentence with little or no reward even when you love the person to bits. I would submit that it is an impossible task when there is no love between the partners, which would not be beneficial to the carer or, indeed, the cared for.

Vauxhall's DH sees no need to change his lifestyle, nor would he, I presume, take kindly to any suggestion that he is 'ill'

I feel so fortunate to have such a caring husband who is not a couch potato in any way,yes he enjoys the sport at times but when he does this I will get on with baking etc for a couple of hours.
How old is your OH has he recently retired and missing the male company from working,could he be depressed and needs to chat with his Dr.
If none of the above relate to him then look to find yourself a good solicitor for 1/2 hr talk about your future.
Rather than you look for somewhere else to live can your OH not move out ?
You deserve some happiness and he needs telling this.

I know I bang on this drum in various threads, but perhaps you should check whether he is depressed, or whether there are other cognitive changes which could be signs of something else going on. Passivity can be an early sign of certain kinds of dementia. If it's an illness it's not his fault, and there are medications to help alleviate symptoms. Sorry to be blunt.

If he won't talk then direct action is required. Maybe Book yourself a holiday. Is their a friend or relative who could accompany you? Make it for at least a fortnight. This will give you a chance to relax, recharge your batteries, see how you feel away from his dismal presence. If he objects to the cost, tell him you have won the holiday in a competition.

It might, only might, be a wake up call for your DH, if he has to do his own shopping, cooking, etc. Alternatively he may leave the house like a midden and survive on takeaways.

I so empathise with you, feeling dead while still alive. Loneliness in a marriage is so much worse than being lonely on your own. As Coco51 says, life is too short and we all deserve some happiness. Get advice from a solicitor and go. Now I am “flying solo” I am flying higher than ever as I have no dead weight holding me down. You will gain freedom, new friends, travel etc the worlds your oyster and you will be directing your own destiny, not him.

I would try to work out all the good things about the marriage (I realise you have probably done that) and if there is nothing there, think more positively about the alternatives.
You will almost certainly end up in a smaller property but the first thing is to get proper advice and give yourself the time you need to plan and make the decision. Then talk to him and see if he can be shaken out of his complacency (if you still care if he does).
It does take time to adjust to retirement but if you think that is the way he is it doesn't sound much of a life. I live on my own and the idea of sharing my home with someone I wasn't getting along with sounds awful. You don't have any social life with him as it is. You may feel a bit lonely just for a physical presence in the house but you could always get a dog or cat for that.
It sounds as if you just want a bit of a nudge which is understandable. Good luck whatever you choose.

Life is too short to live in an unhappy relationship. It sounds as if you would be able to support yourself, and presumably your husband has a pension. It isn’t easy to start again especially because your income is stretched. But if you both own the property you could insist that you either want him to buy you out, or sell the house. I had two children when I divorced, but the relief of not having to pretend I was happy was enormous. There was lots of wrangling and bitterness and then I met my partner (he moved in next door!) and we have had nearly 20 happy years. As for exDH we are now friends despite what went before. Good luck

There are no easy answers to this question. Rarely are marriages sweet sailing all the way and we all draw the "happiness" line in different places. For me it is somewhere around the 75% mark. Are you happy, OK, or content with your relationship for maybe 75% of the time? If so, then overall that's probably about as good as it gets. If the score is under 50% then perhaps there is some serious thinking to do. Separating is only one answer though, perhaps living more separate lives, following your own interests while still co-habiting may be the answer.

Some people are blessed or just plain old lucky enough to stumble on someone where the happiness percentage is much higher. I can only envy them. From my own observations I don't think many relationships score much higher than 75%. Only you can answer the question.

What does “get out while you still can” mean, does it mean while you still have your looks or feel like some lovely sex?

Our decision to love our lifelong partner through thick and thin requires ongoing commitment. Loving someone continues to be a decision.

Prepare a sit-up meal and face him to gently discuss your mutual disappointments and he may agree to join you in a gym membership and, perhaps, in marriage counseling.

Before you decide to pack a suitcase maybe have a free half an hour's chat with a solicitor and find out what you are entitled to because you do not want to walk out and leave him with everything.

If he is expecting you to do everything he needs to be told to get off his rear end as you are not a servant.

Just read all this to my husband, who never watches sport on TV although he used to play sports in his younger days. He's much more succinct than I've been. His words 'Kick him into touch'.

My husband knows of what he speaks. He walked out on 2 earlier marriages. His motto then was 'This is the first day of the rest of my life'.

You both sound bored, how about going on strike! - probably best if you try and talk this over before you decide on such a big step, sometimes the grass is much greener but not always. Was he like this before retirement? Drag him out to dinner or a long walk and talk.

Can't see what there is to love about this guy! He sits watching sport on TV all day while you run around like a lunatic fetching and carrying. Marriage is a partnership. Trust and Respect are what matter.

I think you should give it one last go. Switch off the TV and sit down in front of him - tell him all that you've said here. If he won't talk, if televised sport is his priority rather than the survival of his marriage, then there's no hope. Sport is largely fantasy for these inactive guys - they see themselves scoring that winning goal etc etc. Bring him down to reality. If you can't get through to him, try how you might, then it's over. You still have years of life left to live. What you have now is no life. Get out while you still can.

I have tried to discuss this with him and no he’s watches the telly because he wants too he never wants to do anything every week end I could tell you what we will eat what we watch on the telly life has become one big bore

Move out...Move on...don't look back in another 20 years and still be in this position. The longer it's left, the older you get, will make it more difficult to make changes.
Find somewhere to rent initially then make more permanent decisions and arrangements. Do tell your OH how you feel.