I have a new neighbour who is in his eighties. He seems fairly active. He says he has moved house as his very much younger partner, whom he had lived with for several years, said she could see the time fast approaching when she would have to be his carer, felt she was too young for that and ended the relationship. He seems very matter of fact about it, said he hadn’t expected it to last for ever. I don't know what the age gap was in that instance but he said she had a young child (not his) so I am guessing the age gap could have been a good thirty or forty years.
A while ago, I met a man who had been living for ten years with a woman twenty years his junior. He said it was fine when they were 21 and 41 but ten years further on when she wanted to start a family with him, his children from a previous marriage were about to go to university (with associated costs). He said he did not want to be starting over again and potentially having to work well into his 70s to support a new family so he ended the relationship (he said) to give her a chance to find someone nearer her own age to have a family with.
I am 60 and have been asked out more than once by men twenty years my junior. I suppose I should be flattered but actually felt suspicious and asked why they would want to date someone so much older. A couple of them explained that they had decided that they did not want to father children or look after children from any new partner’s previous relationship. Women their own age either already had children or were looking for someone to have children with. Dating older women was their solution to this issue. I could have been wrong but I can’t imagine these men would have been in for the long haul.
These things have got me thinking about relationships and whether we do get too hung up on them lasting forever and about the age of our chosen partners.
What are your experiences of relationships where the age gap is wide? Can and do these relationships endure into very old age?
My OH is 9 years older than myself (70/62 at the moment) and we have been together for 38 years and have one son together - he's 29.
OH is retired and keeps busy, has a better social life than me!
I never dated anyone the same age as myself, always at least 4 years older than me and my ex hubby was 5 years older. Never found younger chaps attractive.
Maths never good - should of said 8/9 years depending on the months between birthdays lol.
My Mum was twenty years older than my step-Dad (neither looked the age they were so it raised no eyebrows) and they had a very happy marriage till she died.
A friend's BIL was married from a young man to a woman nearly 30 years older than him. They were devoted to each other and he was totally bereft when she died aged 95.
These replies are giving me a lot to think about especially about the circumstances in which we meet people, how we tend to socialise in groups of similar age people, especially after retirement, and how that might limit who we meet with attendant lost opportunities. Hmm.
My friends daughter is now in her early 40s her OH is in his 70s, she is now his carer and her life revolves around his needs and pottering around his garden, she says she is bored rigid.
He controls the money ( his, he says) as when she met him she gave up work to look after his children.
She says she is trapped - they aren’t married, his oldest child is 3 years younger than she is and they don’t get on. Everything is in his name, she won’t complain or leave because she was warned against him by everyone when she moved in with him.
He says she is lucky that he looks after her, gives her all she needs etc.
She fell in love with his biker image, now long gone!
She is now on pills for depression.
So I would say think very long and hard about it, sometimes love isn’t always enough.
I've been married to my OH for nearly 25yrs. I'm 10 years older, 67 yrs old. I have two DDs by 1st 'marriage' who he loves and cares about & is a wonderful GD.
Except Bestwishes he isn't giving her all she needs as she is so unhappy. That's a very precarious position to be if she could be left with nothing when he dies. She is still young enough to start a new life if she were to get out now.
If I were seeking pastures new it would have to be a, 'young at heart', 
of my own age or a couple of years either way.
My late husband was 15 years older than me, most of the time we didn't notice the age difference. He had health problems which I knew about when we first got to know each other (he made sure I knew what I could be letting myself in for) We were married 11 years before he passed away with an unrelated illness a month short of 50. I haven't married again although have had relationships, current "toyboy" is a year younger than me except for 4 days when we are the same age
lilting I know, I asked my friend (she is only 5 yrs older than her DDs OH) and was told basically that it wasn’t my business, ( she told me nicely) I’ve tried talking to the daughter directly about his Will and was told the same thing.
I even suggested that she goes out with her family and friends and leaves him at home, she just sighs, I think she has given up.
It’s sad but not my place or my family.
If I was brutally honest I think that she has invested so much time and effort that she is prepared to stick it out in the hope that he will leave her everything and not his kids and GCs. We will see.
My goodness Besstwishes. That sounds incredibly foolish if he regards the money "as his" and your friend and his oldest child don't get on. It's a court case waiting to happen if he dies intestate and hasn't make provision for her although it sounds like she'd be too worn down to even fight for anything. You're right though. It's their business and an issue which affects all cohabiting couples irrespective of any age difference. It could just affect her sooner.
My grandmother fell in love with her husband when she was 17. He was 20 years older than her, widowed with 3 children, the eldest 12.
She went half way round the world to marry him and had 2 children of her own, my father being one. I never met my grandfather, he died not long before I was born. But she knew that would happen, lived her life without him, and was buried in the same grave.
It can happen.
my husband is 20 years my senior age has never been a concern we just laugh at anomalies like my "daughter" being a year older than my wee sister and" son in law "
being older than me !
My friend is 73 and her DH is 11 years younger (they have been married for 23 years). She has 3 daughters and 7 GC who he gets on very well with. So, it can work well.
There was a lot of negative comment about M and Mme Macron (he is 24 years younger than her) but no similar comments about Mr and Mrs Trump (he is 24 years older than her).
Double standard? - or maybe there is so much to criticise about Trump compared to Macron that no-one noticed.
One of my sons got with a lady (separated, with an adult son and daughter)who was 50 when he was 23! She later left her husband, came to live here with us until she and my son found a house (about 3 months)of their own. They lived together for 4 years, and then when she was 57 and my son 30, I think he realised that the age gap was too much - he wanted to go out, do things, and she wanted to stay at home.
He moved out, went to live 1/2 a mile away, and she still lives in the house they shared. She's 2 years older than me, and we get on very well - so much so that we go to Zumba together 3 evenings a week, and we usually go out together on birthdays, Bank Holidays, etc. I live near to her and to my son.
Varian I think the slightly raised eyebrows re the Macrons were more to do with his being a pupil in her class at school.
But the French are more tolerant generally than we are, perhaps.
Every case is different. However, I did read something ages ago to the effect:- What society expects in a marriage is that the woman can have children and the man has the means to look after them. So, older man, younger woman, fine, but the reverse not so fine. This might explain why people sometimes disapprove, however subconsciously, of some relationships.
I have dated men ten years either side the past 8 years or so. I am early 60s. At a new years eve party at hotel via ex work wine was flowing etc and I kept catching the eye of a much younger man. Very polite and gentlemanly. Loads of small talk. I found it intriguing he found me interesting. I found him interesting. Midnight we did share a quick kiss under mistletoe. We swapped numbers and kept in touch. A week later we met up at a country pub and I was surprised shocked both either!!. He came in looking amazing. At the party he looked great but now he looked more comfortable in himself which he admitted he hated those posh dos. I was shocked he was over 30 years my junior. He did some the usual chat up lines that I looked 40 then said well 50. But he was charming in good way.
We had a meal and long chat.
We arranged to set a date once we sorted out diaries later in week.
I kept thinking of him and we eventually met again two weeks later.
I admitted to him again I didn't know why he would be interested in me as a friend though at this point nothing more deeper was was talked about.
He said he found me interesting and I looked out of sorts at the party.
We talked more and as we left the pub we kissed bymy car. I admitted I had been secretly drooling at him while he was at the bar.
I haven't done this in years but I said I didn't want the date to finish yet.
Long kiss and a fumble both ways we stayed at his. I am still seeing now 5 months on.
At present only a couple of friends know. I know it won't last aong time but I forgot how great sex was and experiencing things I haven't done prior to or early marriage.
I am Stevie short for Stephanie
A glowing mature 60s woman
My son then aged 19 moved in with a lovely lady aged 46 so 27 years difference. They lived together for 5-6 years before parting. When he married his wife was 6 years older. The other lovely lady is now my DD's MIL and we are still good friends.
My son got together with a much older lady. He had kept it quiet from me. She was 50 he was 24 at the time. They stayed together 4 years. I only spoke to her on the phone a few times and saw her from a distance. Few years ago at work I started training a new employee. It turned out to be the same woman. We are great friends have girly weekends away. Sons face when she was at mine for coffee. We all get along great though have been chats and too much info comes to mind lol
My paternal grandfather met his 2nd wife when she was 15 and he was 50!! She was actually his daughter’s (my Auntie’s) friend. It was scandalous at the time especially as he left my grandmother for this person. Everyone said it wouldn’t last but they had 3 children together and she stayed loyal to him until the day he died at 75! I’m friendly with one of the children who is actually my Uncle who is 15 years younger than me. Isn’t life strange?! ?
Stevierichards1954 - I’m only a year older than you and so there’s hope for me yet! Love it ?❤️
In my youth in early 1970s there were a lot if age difference relationships hook ups going on. I used to go to a pub where much older men were and were looking. And I remember boys going to grab a granny nights
Whether it was curiosity or things yo get out system but I dated two men in their 50s before I was 20.
Boys didn't really do it for me but I suppose I was a trophy as well.
Mortified that my son did the same in his early 20s and went with a 50 plus woman but it lasted 4 years.
I have been enjoying a liaison with someone much younger than me. It may not last as long but enjoying it while it goes on.
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