Would you lie to such an extreme?

How awful ....

I think to lie about illness or a serious accident is very wrong. White lies - most of us tell them and they are superficial lies but your friend has told a fundamental lie.

I might not say anything to her but I'd remember the old saying "I like her/him but I know her/him".

If she'd just said she'd be incommunicado for a couple of weeks with no reason, that would have been much more acceptable.

Grouchy Nanna. I feel I’m turning into this. My daughter and two boys live with me. Daughter has med issues so appreciates my help. Grandson 1 is nearly 8. He has Aspergers and mild ADHD. I find I am less tolerant of him just now with his odd comments and silliness. Academically he is bright. I snap or rant at him - I remember doing that when my kids were small and I was on my own with them after divorce. Any tips please?? We have just gone through Court issues as his dad - who thought nothing of clearing off for 3 years playing in a band on cruise ships (he had great local job and abandoned it). He’s ended up with more access including almost half holidays. This is basically turning poor kids life upside down and he is so agitated returning from seeing dad. His dad bullied daughter for years but dr refused to say her stress etc was due to this so no legal aid. All stressful. I hate it when he’s with his dad because the man is clueless about Aspergers but knows it all!

@silverlining48 please let us know who you used as I have been thinking my hooded eyes need a tuck

If she lied to her son, as seems likely, I'd not waste spit on her.

I couldnt be friends with someone who lies.
The son is just as bad.
I would be scared of pretending to be in a crash, because then I might be in one.

Sorry its black and white for me.

I think being lied to is such a hurtful and wounding experience. The worry your friend caused you through her own vanity, perhaps shows where her priorities lie. Even if the friendship survives, you may find that you will never feel quite the same about the bond you have. There is always a price to pay for lying

The friendship means more to you than it does to her - obviously she doesn't put a value on having good friends in her life if she lies - whether they are big whoppers of small insignificant ones.

Solid long term friendships are valued and respectful towards each other. This is definitely not happening in your case with this woman - irrespective of whether your current suspicions are true or unfounded.

Its definitely time to step back, move away and concentrate on the other friends in your life who you know are genuine people - because this one "friendship" is all give on your part - so don't waste any more time, thought or energy on someone so superficial who cannot be classed as a friend!

The surgeon might convince a patient that no one would know they had "work" done, but most of us can see the difference but say nothing because you know they spent a lot of money. Usually people own up and you wish them all the best and say how brave they were to risk anaesthesia etc. They often say it's because of mental health issues.

My sister went to a great deal of trouble to hide her face lift. She had a lot of sun damage after living in a hot country. Our mum was called to hospital for her hip operation and my sister planned a holiday in Europe saying she would call to see her on her way home. She lived 500 miles away. Well she never came to visit mum, we found out later she had booked this face lift when she was supposed to be on holiday and there were complications, she had to go home to rest. But family were told she was exhausted after the holiday. When she turned up a few months later she looked distinctly different, much younger and fresher. She told our parents the holiday had been very good, but they knew she had work done, in fact they were amused by it.
As for lying, I don't see why people think they need to make up a story because the reality is right in front of every ones' eyes! People look different after surgery. You can see the little scars if you look carefully.

You could be very PA and say 'well, if there's any good come of this terrible accident, at least they fixed your eye bags!'

Soontobegran hope you have a joyfull relationship with your grandchild and his/her parents. Well said both you and Applegran.

I totally agree with dogsmother . But disagree with Soontobegran, I don't think wanting everyone's opinion on something is gossiping ?
She feels confused about her friends story and wants clarification .
Annieishere, I would keep away from your friend until the dust settles then rethink things - the truth might come out and heal things between you .

I hate lies, I never fail to feel disappointment when I learn that someone has told me a fib no matter how small.
I just always feel let down ? the truth always comes out so what is the point.

I don't get this need women have to do this to each other.
If you feel like something is off, talk to your friend. Give her a chance to share her perspective with you, rather than come here where we can only speculate.
Let her know if its revealed that she lied that she is safe with you and you accept her as she is, whether you agree with face lifts or not...she is still the same person inside and the heart of her is what you love.

She may have lied, but you have gossiped about her here...neither is a very good trait of a good friendship, IMO.

I agree with applegran some people are so insecure they feel they have to cover up and hide the truth. It gave you a fright and perhaps in a quiet moment with her you can ask her how she is and the truth will come out.
My DH told me he had stopped smoking when he hadn't and when I found out, I was mortified that he couldn't tell me the truth
I think he was trying to conceal it from himself.
I thought I couldn't trust him again but I have to. Pick your battles and don't judge too harshly.

My DG covered up her mastectomy and had to deal with it alone. Only after her death was it revealed. She had pretended to be on a cruise.

I think I would lay on fairly thick how worried I had been. That way you don't have to worry about the possibility of surgery following an accident, but you will let her know how you feel.

You cannot be sure she is lying, though I understand why you are not certain. But we all have different things we are embarrassed about, uncertainties about ourselves, and fears. We sometimes make choices we later regret, too. But you are uncertain, and have no need to form a judgement on her - how about just moving on, continuing your friendship and supporting someone who may have many uncertainties or fears under the surface?

Sorry gmelon I see it now

janeainsworth
Yes it does say in original post how long the hospital stay was.
The friend spent only one day in hospital and didn't have scans.

GabriellaG. Personally I find it rather rude to comment on a persons punctuation or lack of it! There are comments all the time lacking punctuation, capital letters and correct spelling. These tend to irritate me but there’s no way I would comment. “ People who live in glass houses “ comes to mind. Annieshere just do whatever feels right for you.

If she can make up stories like this, who knows how many other tales she has told. There's no way I could trust her. It's always hard when it is a friend of long-standing, but I would be very aware from now on.

gmelon it doesn’t say in the OP how long the friend was in hospital, nor how long the interval was between the accident and the text message being sent.
There are a lot of unjustified conclusions being jumped to on this thread and as for the suggestion that the friend commandeered her son’s phone and sent the message herself, all I can say is that some people have nasty suspicious minds.

Nannan2
Yes, I agree. I could certainly have put the punctuation in, in my head but that is 'blaming' me for not doing just that. Why not ask the OP to address her style of writing? I was not out of order in politely asking her to write in a normal, readable manner.

She probably sent you the text message herself. Even if it was from her son’s phone, she could have sent it and then deleted it so he didn’t know.

"This is the natural ME. Aren't I lovely?"

I think that's the impression that some people hope to give. So they don't want to admit to having help with their looks.
That's okay.

What's not okay is telling a tale that causes people to be upset and worried.

Asking about the other people involved, insurance etc could be a way to find out if your friend did lie, Anne.