Jealousy of Stepson

IMO you've taken the first and very courageous step of posting here about your feelings toward G bytheway and that's a positive move on your part.

I agree that perhaps some professional help may be of use to you. For your DH to have listened with understanding about your feelings for me, demonstrates that he's not blind to his son's faults but as his dad, of course he wants to be there for him.

Like crazy I too am on the other side of this problem. We have been estranged from our son and only GC for more than 5 years due his wife's intense dislike of us, and me in particular.

It was good to read in a later post that you'd never desire to become between them.

Some form of therapy may not necessarily resolve your dislike of G but help you to keep your feelings in perspective.

I wish you well.

Difficult situation, but this jumped out at me from your op:

DH has always had a very close relationship with this boy but I hate him

If you do hate (and that is a very strong word, rather than "dislike" etc) him, then where do you go from here?

Sorry Bytheway, I went off track. I can see why you're jealous....I would be too.

Take Monica's advice.....

Bytheway you are being remarkable objective in being able to see that the problem lies with you rather than your DH and his son. I wish more people posting problems on GN could be so clear sighted.

I think the best way forward is to seek some form of one-to-one counselling to help you look at the situation in a wider context and discuss it with someone who can be equally objective

Not a good situation to be in bytheway I can understand your feelings. Even though G is is not behaving well you need to let your husband support his son. Some of your feelings seem rooted in the past so perhaps you could get some help to address that.
Good luck

Thanks Crazy, I would never come between them, not ever, it’s my jealousy I need to deal with and I want to deal with it correctly, not cause more hurt and upset to others.

Bytheway, I am on the other side of the fence, so to speak. When my husband (now ex) left me for this other woman, she did not want him to have any contact with his children. She did her best to keep him away, and fool that he was, he did, much to my sorrow, because I could see the hurt in my children's eyes, esp the youngest because he was still in school then.
Years have passed, my children have kids of their own and are in touch with their Dad. All is hunky dory now, but I cannot forgive him (and her) for treating my kids so badly. I really have to give my children credit for bearing no grudge against their father. I am the bitter.
Anyway, I think you should not come between your DH and his son. It's really not nice.....Father and son should have a relationship, even though G sounds a bit of an axxxxxxe...good luck !

It does sound as though your DH has understood where you are coming from; and he has asked for your to understand his point of view on it. He is not telling you you are talking rubbish, but, as far as I can see, respecting your stance and the reasons for it, but reserving the right to keep up contact with his son.

I do not think this is a ground for considering divorce. I am assuming there are other more serious problems that make you think of such a drastic step.

It is sometimes hard to get things in proportion when something begins to grate on you, and it looms larger in your mind than perhaps it warrants.

I do agree that it might help you to find and impartial professional in real life with whom you can discuss the situation.

Good luck with all this.

Thanks Agnurse for your candidness. I do know i have mental health problems and I think you may be right about seeing a therapist, Again i appreciate your candour.

It's your choice not to have a relationship with G, but that doesn't obligate your DH not to have a relationship with him. Yes, G has been irresponsible. Yes, he should provide for his child. But that's his business. Not yours.

G is an adult. So is your DH. You don't have the right to dictate what their relationships should be.

If this is really bothering you, you might consider speaking with a licensed therapist. I'm not saying you're mentally ill, but it might be helpful for you to speak to someone about how to get over the anger.