Wedding dilemma

Oh yes, spent time at the weekend with my ex and his new wife. Dress up, but make sure you feel comfortable. Enjoy the day, don't let them get to you.

DoraMarr, Good for you and I do admire you for rising above what is basically bad manners.
None of us can get on with everyone we come into contact with let alone actually like them. That's where good manners used to come in. Its how I was brought up and how I hope my children were too - well OH and I tried.
I do sometimes feel its a modern trend to let everyone know how we feel in our social interactions. I do not see it as duplicitous to be even handed in social events. There is nothing wrong in smiling politely and treating everyone even handedly. You can certainly 'have words' with someone if its a one to one situation but by far the more grown-up action is to be polite and rise above the petty politics that some people feel the need to enjoy. Good luck and knock 'em dead!

Great idea t look your best and good advice to make sure you feel comfortable in your clothes and shoes.

If you have time spend some time with your own friend/s and pay attention to how you feel.

Pay attention to what happens to you shoulders, breathing, facial expressions, how much you move/fidget etc. Get your friends to observe too and give you feed back.

Once you've got as much of that information about yourself use it to model your body language and facial expressions.

It will feel a bit false but this is about you "pulling off an act".

Act like you are with Your Own friends. In your mind switch her out for one of your friends then you stand the best chance of relating to her in a way that you normally do your friends.

One it will help you feel more confident and less defended.

Two it will throw her as she will be expecting you to be on the back foot, as it were.

She is probably used to being in the "one up" position when relating to you and you very reasonably are used to being somewhat defended.

From what you've said in your post you are OK with the fact she doesn't like you. That's a healthy attitude to the situation so good on you.

Show her you are OK with her not liking you. You don't need her as a friend so you don't need to win her over as it were :-) But by acting as you do when you are with your friends you will be less affected by her rudeness.

If one of your friends forgot to get you a drink you'd either make a joke about it (may be not the best thing in the situation with SIL) or you'd go get yourself one without making anything of it.

That's what you do with her. Make no fuss, get on with things and enjoy yourself. Trust me it will affect her

If you can carry any of this off trust me she won't know how to deal with it.

She will either increase her rude behaviour or she'll back off.

It's one day in your life, have some fun with it.

Find your centre, your happy you, and hold on to it, don't let her rudeness/bad behaviour move you off being the happiest, most relaxed you.

You may even want to do what I have been know to do. Early on in the event I have a very quiet word and say something like " however rude you wish to be I shall keep smiling, it's not your day it's theirs. You spoil it if you wish but I won't be part of that." With a huge smile on my face. Or something along those lines. Then you have a measure of control.

My OH says it's my "throws the night fighters off face" lol

Good Luck and may you have an enjoyable time.

allsortsofbags, such brilliant advise.
Yes the power of the mind is often forgotten. We over think so much and forget how much this impacts on our appearance and actions.
I started reading a very simple book on mindfulness years ago and shall never forget one of the early lessons on how much our thoughts govern our behaviours and by changing our thoughts or letting them float away it will enable us to feel much more confident.
The book talked about taking a lemon and imagining that you are preparing a drink....you think about placing the lemon on a board and cutting it open ready for the drink....whether it be tea or a G&T! As you go through this simple mental exercise it suddenly dawns on you that your mouth is watering....all from the power of thought. Simple really.
Hence by feeling apologetic and defensive you will act so....you will cast your eyes down and feel diminished. So stand tall think you are having a lovely day....and you will!

Allsortofbags-what an interesting and helpful way of dealing with this fairly common situation. I hope you find something useful in it OP.

Thank you all,some brilliant ideas. I hadn’t thought of picturing myself with my friends, let alone asking for their feedback allsortsofbags (and I love your username!) but that is a very good idea. And, HildaW, mindfulness is a good idea too. Thank you

TBH, this is probably the best scenario in which to see her. Namely because if she's rude to you, you can just say "This isn't the time or place" and walk away. Much easier if you're in public or a large crowd.

Is sister-in-law hosting this wedding? If not, then she probably won't be offering anything to anybody. If yes, then still, unless it is very informal, there will be wait staff, of course, so no chance of being passed over by her. I am glad you are going and plan to look your best. Good for you! Just please don't try to engage her or get into conversations that she's in. Enjoy the other people around you and try not to think about her! Please let us know how it goes!

As Michele Obama says:
"When they go low, you go high !"
I've often thought that's good advice. Makes you feel in control.