End of My Tether (another DiL thread, sorry!)

Many thanks for those replies so far ...
Doodle - she is 45 so I suppose I can live in hope that she'll tone down!
And oldbatty I think that IS a very good point. I have sort of been co-opted into 'replacement mother' role with her but perhaps it would be best to take a step back.
And MargaretX she IS unhappy but you are right, it's not my job.
I suppose I am disappointed as I am succeeding in building a good practical relationship with another (very different from me) DiL that is based on respect and finding common ground (e.g. loving the children)
This first DiL though ... I just sometimes want to wring her neck! Breathe, breathe ... let it go etc.
Thanks again!

This is a good point batty
There is no rule saying you have to love your in laws. The name implies people who are related to us legally. They are not blood relations and you should try to get on with them but it is often wearisome and tiring. and if its not working then try to just keep the peace.
Try this if she speaks then answer if not keep quiet but smile and if she loses her temper then leave the room.
It sounds as if she is unhappy but she herself has to come to terms with that its not your job.

hope things improve.....

Sorry you feel down about this. Maybe the key is where you say you have tried so hard to love her.

Could you tone down your expectations and settle for "get on OK with"

I don't know if this helps or not but I have had family members who are younger and in work who do have quite strong opinions about things and voice them. I have found as they get older and find out more about life they mellow a bit.
You can't make other family members like her but as she is your sons wife perhaps you can try and ignore her remarks which upset you and try and keep the peace for your sons sake. I know others will come on here and tell you to otherwise but sometimes, least said soonest mended works best.