Family moving in

Our son, daughter in law and two grandkids moved in for six weeks last winter. They all had nasty colds plus DIL had an abscess on a tooth and to cap it all the boiler stopped working. It was absolute hell, but we all muddled along and apart from a couple of grumpy words managed to remain on good terms. Strangely enough, we missed them when they left and rather wished they didn’t have to go. There’s nowt so queer as folks as my dad used to say.

Nana58
Patience,? a sense of humour,? grin and bear it?Then after they have gone and normal service is resumed and you don't see them for weeks on end hold back on ' when are you going to visit its been a long time since we saw you.

I stayed with DD when I moved from Somerset to Devon, very small house & I had DD's bedroom, she moved in with DGS & her OH slept downstairs. 2 weeks was enough for all of us. I tried to stay out as much as possible. I also go to stay with DM for a week at a time (neither of us could share a house for longer).

I agree you need to sort out a few "rules" to make life easier & I'm sure it'll all work out. Ignore the little niggles & possible untidiness, all will be fine, keep telling yourself it's not forever

Book your dental appointment now, because you'll be gritting your teeth a lot! Patience, patience, and more patience, will be required. I agree with others that sitting down together and working out some "guidelines" could be a very good idea. And definitely book yourselves a few weekends away! Good luck!

Make out a schedule for who uses the bathroom when in the morning, as obviously those going to work need it more than those staying at home.

Sit down with your DD or SIL (whichever of them cooks at home) and plan who cooks and when you eat. Make sure you are all in agreement regarding what your DGS and the dog are allowed to do and not allowed to.

Then try and take it as it comes. After all, you wouldn't have agreed to take them in, would you, if they were all a right pain, would you?

Hire a portaloo for the duration?

I have been through this twice, had DS and DIL live with me for five months. A couple of weeks after DS left DD moved in with me and stayed three months.
DH worked away at the time which eased the load on the bathroom.
I had to replace most of my kitchen equipment after DS left and nearly all my crockery and casserole dishes got broken, he was a very heavy handed dish washer. I have since invested in a dishwasher.
What I am saying is expect heavy wear and tear on your house and be prepared to have to decorate and replace carpets and furniture.

I’d admit to feeling a bit down when mine left too, Amira15, especially on day 1 when there was no smiling grandson to greet me at breakfast time! You soon get back to normal though. I’d say yes in a heartbeat if my lot needed a place to stay again.

This may sound awful but I couldn't face it. Since children left we have done up the house, new furniture, no pets. Couldn't face ring stains on wood, ketchup on sofa, dog mess in garden, hair everywhere and the general noise for 3 months. I contributed to a short term rental for them to stay in. D's was very happy with that too as she said she would have found it stressful worrying about it all. It's family life, I've been there with kids too. But I'm over all that and didn't want to risk falling out. Make sure you have some agreed rules over things that matter to you like where kids eat, cleaning up the kitchen etc.

My daughter and son in law and I live together already and we never have a problem. Recently my eldest son, daughter in law ( pregnant) and granddaughter moved out having lived with us for six months. My daughter and I were just chatting about it yesterday and how well it went. We nicknamed ourselves The Walton’s! When they left I felt a bit depressed. No tiny figure bursting into my room in the morning saying Nana it’s time to get up ! Wishing you all the best I’m sure everything will be fine ?

My son and his two children have stayed with us twice, both times for about 2 months . We all survived ! The best thing was to have a frank talk on Day 1 about everyone's expectations . We all got along fine - I think it helped that we do have two full bathrooms and two separate toilets, and a good internet connection !

My daughter sil and 6 week old baby moved in for a couple of months while their house was gutted. I was dreading it! But it turned into a wonderful few months that I wouldn’t have missed. Didn’t want them to leave! Watched grandson grow, smile and enjoyed having my daughter around. Enjoy, forget about mess it can be cleared up. Falling out and arguing leaves bad memories and scars. When they have gone take a deep breath and remember they choose you and I am sure you would have felt left out if they gone to live with his Mum and Dad

I took my elderly father in because he lived 200 miles away and I didn’t think he had much time left. He almost died from. COPD flare just before. He’s been here nearly two years and it’s putting incredible strain on the family especially me. I would definitely think twice if you can.

Our daughter, son in law and grandaughter (then aged 2) came to live with us for just over a year while trying to find somewhere to buy and to save money. It helped that we had enough space for them to have their own living room and I think it would have been very different without having our own space especially in the evenings. So if you don't have this perhaps you could make your bedroom more of a sanctuary? They worked online from home too and brought some furniture with them. I spent three months before they came clearing out a lot of our old junk (exhausting but very timely!) We had family meals some weekends but no fixed regimen. My son in law (should I write Sil? I'm new to this) usually did their cooking in the evenings and we'd eat after them. I loved chatting with my son in law sometimes while he cooked and missed this a lot when they moved. I often hoovered their living room but apart from that we mostly looked after our own washing etc and did our own shopping for food - and could borrow from each other if necessary! It was lovely having our grandaughter with us and seeing what a lovely Mum our daughter is. We're all still friends - they bought a house and moved about 2 years ago. Good luck Nanna58!

Loads of reassurance, plus some damn fine practical ideas too, , I really am very grateful to you all for the help and experience

Hi we are in the same situation right now - 4 weeks in and still talking with an extra 2 adults a 3 and 4 year old with us ! Yes - do go away for a few days if you can to give them space - we’ve had a week away and it was lovely. Kitchen and washing machine always busy, lots of wet towels and noise levels very high ! They buy and cook their own food and have their own fridge/ freezer in the garage. Also they’ve rigged up a small tv in their bedroom. We usually eat separately as they eat earlier with the children. Would have been easier outside the school holidays ! My house is usually tidy so having to turn a blind eye to the untidiness and say nothing. But I know they are trying hard and I’ll miss them when they’ve gone - and remember it’s hard for them too - they don’t really want to be staying with you either ! Good Luck ??

We make sure we get to the shower early before anyone else. Then we go down for breakfast and a cup of tea. By this time everyone else in the house have heard us moving about so they all start rushing for the bathroom. Whilst all this is going on we sit back and watch the mayhem. Our DS Dil and two Grandchildren only stay for eight days. If they stayed any longer I would have to go outside and jump off the kerb, [nothing too high] ?. Good luck. Xx

Don't be overly worried and I honestly wouldn't think of setting out rules as some have suggested. We have had all ours back at various times, often with a dog to join our existing dogs. One stay planned for a month lasted 10 months and another planned for 2 months lasted over four. They did their own washing, occasionally cooked for all of us but as they were out at work we tended to cook during the week.
I'd say flexibility and acceptance of each others differences is important. You'll know already whether the existing relationships allow for that, if they do - you'll be fine. We did fine going to visit friends or having weekends away helped.
Family life - if we're lucky enough to have adult children who feel comfortable coming to stay, we'll do it won't we.

Ds, dil and dgs age 2, left 2 days ago after 9 weeks. I seemed to revert to mum of 5! Both parents work long hours so I cooked and did laundry. Not much cleaning was done due to boxes, racks if clothes etc. We do have 2 bathrooms which helped. The upside of this was breakfast nearly every morning with dgs and story time in the evening, such a delight! Other ds and dil been here twice and we've all survived!

Hello Nanna58 - take heart, I'm another who has had a wonderful experience of living in a shared household. We moved in with my parents in law for almost a year when we first arrived in Devon; the 'we' included our teen-aged daughter, two boisterous boys under 7 and an au pair! It turned out to be one of the highlights of all our lives.

As we were four working adults we loosely planned the 'who would do what' for the week ahead, sharing the household chores and shopping etc. among us. Fortunately we have very similar values and although our interests do differ that simply added to the experience. I enjoyed discovering more about my parents-in-law's careers and they took an avid interest in ours.

I hope your time with your extended family brings you as much joy as ours did.

DD and her family live abroad and come back to the UK each summer and stay with us, we have a house full for several weeks. I no longer worry about the mess of all the extra stuff, I just enjoy having them around the house. I do make sure basics are done for hygiene and safety, otherwise it achieves nothing to get stressed about something that is unavoidable. We talk through things like who is going in the bathroom and when, the children bath at night, adults shower in the morning, we take it in turns to cook etc and the best help is online shopping getting the food delivered and not trying to lug all the extra home by myself. Nights off and treating ourselves to a take away help as well. Once they leave and we are quiet again there is plenty of time to get the house straight again.

Nanna58, you’ll be fine! We’ve had this situation (minus dog and fish, but plus cat) for a 6 month and a 3 month period and we muddled through with no rules, no need for anyone to remove themselves from the scene, no fall-outs. It helped that we’re all pretty laidback and that we all have quick showers (we’ve only one bathroom too). The house seemed so quiet and far too tidy when they’d gone!

We lived with one of ours and partner between homes. We used the bathroom when they didn’t need it, kept our ‘stuff’ in our room fed and cleared up after ourselves. Did the cleaning as seemed necessary We loved it. They are still welcoming so it must have been ok for them. Good luck, nanna. I’m sure it’s workable and even enjoyable.

Many thanks ladies, my faith in ‘the gransnetters ‘ is vindicated!

Remind yourself it's only 60 days or so and keep counting to ten. Let things slide , everything can be tidied up when they have moved on.