Mixed Emotions

Many congratulations on your new grandson. I am sure you DiL will be aware of the family dynamics and will be very considerate. It sounds as if you have a really good relationship with her. Don't try to second guess what your son and DiL will decide about visiting. Just enjoy the moment and give them time to adjust to the new addition, everything else will follow.

don't worry too much. Most families these days are "blended" to some extent and I firmly believe the mental picture of the perfect normal family to be mainly myth.

Just the fact that you recognise the difficulties will make it all work fine. Good for you.

My DS's MiL is delighted that he has parents who are not divorced, as she is, because she says that if your parents are divorced you are more likely to do the same.

Congratulations on your new grandson. it's really up to you and your ex husband how akward things will be for your son and daughter in law. if they ask, just tell them you are happy to fit in with whatever they want, if they want to see everybody together, that will be fine, if they want your ex to visit first, that is fine with you etc.
You will then be seen as the reasonable party.
To be honest, what with having a new young family, they will probably not be giving the situation as much thought as you are. They are one step removed, so to speak and their new little family will be at the forefront of their minds.

Congratulations on your new gc, crazyH! Beyond that, I agree with the above posters, especially Iovecheese!

Well it's going to happen, no matter what. Your paths will cross, there will be birthdays, christenings, and other family get togethers. The only thing you can do is take a deep breath and make it as easy as you can for everyone. It's not unusual these days but it's water under the bridge, and your role is to make sure that's how it stays. Took our GC ages to realise that not everyone had 3 Grandads!

Thank you all .....will grin and bear it xx

Can't you and your ex be in the same room at the same time ? Obviously time has passed since he is remarried. I'd try to move on if I were you. Make life easier for everyone.

My ex and my new DH met in the A+E after my son was in a bad accident - one handshake was all it took, and since then we've all been able to go family events together with no awkwardness.

Maybe with a new baby to smooth things over, you can move on too. Don't expect your dil to make it better - she has enough to do.

Although we don’t go out of our way to cross paths, my ex and I have no trouble being in the same place for a family celebration, wedding, christening, etc. The less of an issue you make of it, the easier it is.
Don’t try to let your tension affect your new young family. Focus on the baby, and take your cue from your son and daughter in law over visits. They won’t want to be overwhelmed. I am sure it can all be worked out.