Making friends with future daughter in law

CrazyH it's not easy to keep everyone happy is it!
I see my feisty DIL on a more regular basis as I look after my granddaughter every week, the girls don't really spend much time together outside of family events, they are polar opposites but do get on when we all get together.
I just go with the flow, I try and remember how I was as a young wife and mother and how I thought I knew it all, I don't offer advise unless asked and I don't interfere where the baby is concerned, they both have good relationships with their own mums so don't need me to take their place.

I'm close to my boys but I've learned to back off and not smother them although my eldest with Fiesty DIL would love them all to come back and live with us , he's such a mummy's boy ?

Family group on WhatsApp is definitely the way to start as your ds and any other siblings can post too. My ds regularly works far away and I find it's lovely when the family all share banter.

So good to hear of all these happy mil/dil and mil/sil relationships! I get along well with my sil, too. But I know it's not always that easy for everyone.

My dd and sil don't live far away, but I see that some of the relationships here are long distance. Sometimes I think ils get along better when farther away from each other, lol!

I met DS1's future wife when they were working together in a Swiss resort and I went out to spend a week there. We got on very well together and always have. When they came back to England she lived with me, working up here while DS went south for work.She always welcomed me to share family holidays and Christmas. However, the marriage came to grief last year, though we are still in touch and I don't want to lose her friendship
I met DS2's partner while they were students. They shared their 21st birthday party and have been together now for almost 25 years. She also stayed with me for a while when he took a job in the south. We have always had a very good relationship - I had to drive her to the hospital when she went into labour with her second son and stayed with them to help while she and the baby were in hospital.
Really getting to know the two girls before they settled down to family life was a great foundation for MiL - DiL relationships.

The first time I met my now son in law was when my daughter was Skyping him and I just said a big Hi and welcome to the family , then backed off so didn't make him him feel awkward but just wanted him to know he was welcome if that was what my daughter wanted.
They married last year and it's all good

Jobey, I have 2 daughters inlaw as well.....both feisty, and will stand their ground. But one seems to be wary of me and vice versa, the other is a sweetheart and I veer towards her...in the sense, see her more often because she makes an effort with me. How do you manage to keep everything on an even keel, without upsetting the other. Do you find any petty jealousies between the girls. I'm finding it difficult.
You are lucky Jobey !

I have a really great relationship with my daughter in law in NZ we talk every week she is wonderful at knowing my taste in pressies and cards (I know my son just adds his name haha bless him) We don’t meet very often but when we do we just pick up where we left off

As the "owner" of two DIL's I think it's a lovely idea to get to know her and also great that your son wants to initiate this relationship. I have a feisty one and a much more laid back one but get on well with both, I have a great bond with my boys which really helps as they want us all to be close.

Be interested and supportive, don't interfere unless there is a life at risk and never ever take sides are the golden rules in our house! Enjoy getting to know her, I chat regularly to my DIL's over what's app and facebook, they want me to know about their days and I feel blessed to be involved ❤️

I agree that WhatsApp is the way to go! Do you have a family group? That's a good way to start - everyone can chip in with photos and comments including your future DIL, and they gradually become part of the family. We've done this with both my DILs. Good luck x.

I live abroad and my DIL isn’t English so there’s some cultural differences too.

I’ve found communicating regularly by WhatsApp really helps as I can send short messages and pictures and she does likewise. Her English is excellent (holds 3 degrees) but it’s still heavily accented and she speaks mostly in her native language to my DGS to help him learn it. She finds it much easier to communicate in writing where she has time to think before posting.

We often hold lengthy ‘conversations’ this way and I can post recipes of what I’m cooking for tea and links to all sorts of things.

Funnily enough, it was my other DIL who suggested using WhatsApp and it’s been incredibly useful and keeps us in touch. When I do use Facetime, she only pops in to say hello and doesn’t like to chat for long as she feels self conscious.

However, because my youngest DS is only 4 years older than my DGS, it means that I’m a handy source of advice regarding English school system etc. for her.

Initially I would write her a hand written letter and then if you get a reply it will let you know if she wants to keep the dialogue going. Some people HATE Skype and go all quiet and self conscious on it so if she is like that it might not work .That's why I suggest first steps of a letter and in it mention skyp e and wait to see how she feels about it.
I would include some photos of your son and family as I think it's a great idea ..some funny ones too , let her know you are human !
She will of course be very wary of you as the future mil. So keep it informal and fun .
Good luck

What a lovely attitude you have, bestislove! I hope you try some of the suggestions made here and that they are successful. One word of caution - In your eagerness, please don't push it. If fdil is interested, she'll respond in kind. If not, then not. Also, trying too hard may put her off even if she was interested at first. So, imo, you need to tread lightly for a while. Jmho.

WhatsApp great, maybe a handwritten letter or card to start off and exchange of photos. I hope all goes well and you get to meet her in the not to distant future.

It is difficult. I met my now DIL for a few days about a year before they married, and have since spent about 7 days in her company.

I Whatsapp fairly regularly - I know she loves wildlife so send her pictures of the ducklings on our river, or robins in the park. (She sends me back pictures of orangutans and elephants, which sort of put mine in perspective!)
I've also sent "baby" pictures of my DS which she found hilarious. My disastrous attempts at wallpapering also got photoed and sent. I always try to follow-up on anything she tells me about so that I hope she knows I am interested.

WhatsApp videocall....How lovely for you!! I hope you have a great relationship with her ....something we all wish for.
Good wishes to the couple....I guess you'll be getting the hat ready ?

WhatsApp or the like and then Skype.

Skype

Send her a card saying hello and that you're looking forward to getting to know her (or meeting her, or whatever). I presume you'll meet her at the wedding if not before?