coping with elderly stepmother

Personally I would leave things as they are and just take care of yourself and your own little family. Send a card or a letter at special times . If any of my family were ever critical of my children whether it be their sexuality or colour of their skin or the way they walk even I would give them a wide berth anyway.
Am wishing you well .

Think we would all agree with what has already been said. It’s time to look after yourself now, keep in touch, but if your father doesn’t want to move nearer to you then they will not have you to assist should they need it.
So sorry about your mum, it must have been hard for you. You have been through a lot yourself and now you are in remission take time for yourself and your family. All good wishes.

I echo what Bluebell says, she’s his wife and he cares about her, why would he move closer to you?

Keep in touch with him, I’m sure he knows that you love and care about him, but you can’t come between him and his wife, who he has been married to for a long time now.

Maybe he doesn’t like where you live? My DM wouldn’t move closer to me when my DF died, she had friends and her life was where she had lived for a long time, so I phoned each night and visited and sent photos, it’s easier nowadays too, can you Skype him or FaceTime ?

I echo what Bluebelle says so well, but would add that your father must understand that if he falls into ill health you won’t be able to support him long distance with your own commitments and health problems.

And of course, your step mother will be making her own arrangements I hope!

It was very sad for you when you were a child to lose your mum BUT your dad made his choices many years ago, you have a lovely family around you but are still feeling sad that you can’t share with him This makes you a nice person but you have to accept his choice to not be near you and after all this time why would here he’s obviously happy with the woman he choose you obviously won’t change his mind so stop trying and count your many blessings instead and continue to support him from afar

How painful to lose your mother at 12, Victoria! And then to see your father go through a succession of women and end up marrying one who had no interest in you! Hugs!

Very sorry about your own struggles with cancer, too. But you're a survivor! Yay!

As for your dad, I'm sorry he doesn't show more interest in you and his gc and ggc. His daily life is with his wife, and he probably feels he needs to stand by her. All the more so if she is very dependent on him. Please stop trying to fight that - you won't win. I'm glad you don't want to cut him out entirely, but please focus on enjoying the many people you do get to be with - your dh, ac, and gc - and on taking care of yourself.

She probably sees you as a threat, but there is little you can do at this stage apart from keeping in touch and being there for him if needed.

I think you have to accept that your dad is an adult and has made his choice .Enjoy your life with your family an dleave him to get on with his .

Unfortunately it seems that your dad has chosen his wife over and above everyone else.
Its not likely to change now, after all these years.
What a pity for you all, really.

Oh Victoria, I feel so much for you....you are a good daughter, very much like mine, who despite the fact that her father (my ex), didn't help them emotionally or financially when he left us, she now feels sorry for him because he is old now (77).
Do what you feel is right for you. You are not in the best of health. Think of yourself.....and don't feel bad about it .
I wish you the best