My husband is lying to me

Gabriella DH and I have been together for forever with the ups and downs of any long term relationship but it all works well for us. We both have busy lives so on the kitchen blackboard we have the days of the week and who is doing what & when . It is not to "keep tabs" on each other but if I am out walking all day maybe DH will want to do something with his friends or if he has a football match one evening I might arrange for my friends to come over for supper. Sharing a life with someone does not mean you are joined at the hip but it does mean basic courtesies and practical sharing of info! e.g. Simply in terms of shopping.. how many meals do we need to buy for!

Perhaps he just needs some space.

Agree two marriages 13 years and 15 cheaters. Confrontbit

I agree BlueBelle & Gabriella - next

If they have a joint account, the OP could see whether or not he'd pre-paid for match tickets in the transactions.
He ONLY cancelled AFTER the OP made a fuss of being alone and having to find amusement.
Does he have to tell her about every breath he takes? It's a molehill (if that) turned into a mountain of some substance.
There have been questions here, about his mental acuity, other illness he may be hiding, suggestions re relate, couples counselling, visits to Citizens Advice blah blah.
I wouldn't think it improper if he blasted her for harassing him, should she give him the 3rd degree.
Being on here has made me realise that I'm so so glad to be free and single. Unaccountable to anyone, unless I fell foul of the law
Does being married mean that, if you change your habits such as going out with mates on a Friday instead of a Tuesday and not telling the Mrs where you're going, you might be suspected of having an affair and/or, if over 60, having a mental illness?
I think it's a storm in a teacup, brewed and stirred into something sinister by someone who wants to know the minutae of another human being's life.

Oh Sjonlegs you ve been watching too much TV ????

Lindill49, some people get off on lying - gives them a sense of control. I suggest mockery. Laugh when he talks lying rubbish and say stuff like "yeah right...!" Counter his lies casually with the truth as you know it (e.g. can't cancel those tickets) but do it in a breezy teasing way and don't wait for any response. Do something else. Walk away (not in a huff, just casual) It's enough that he hears he's been rumbled and you're no fool! Be confident!

Save for hiring a private detective ....., I would ask him - and if he fesses up to anything untoward - throw all his favourite belongings onto the front lawn from an upstairs window - whilst he's out at work - then change the locks!! .... Too much??

#trustishuge

What Ginny said. Just common courtesy. My DH has health problems and I’d worry if I didn’t know roughly where he was and when he’d be back. We spend lots of time together and lots of time apart - we don’t lie to each other.

Look you really are all running away with what is probably a fairly simple thing So far the poor man is having an affair, is going gaga, heading for dementia, having weekend doctors appointments, now he has a personality problem

I m sure it’s a very simple thing and he’s gone into his man cave feeling stupid being questioned I bet he was going to the footie but before he bought his tickets his friends let him down or he’d forgot they weren’t going or got the date wrong and he’s blaming you as he feels daft that he messed up and men always want to blame someone else Unfortunately once you tell a white lie you have to remember what you ve said or you can get deeper in the doodoo

Could it be the early signs of dementia?

Of course couples should do thing separately but surely they talk to each other about where they have been and who with. DH and I spend a few minutes each week checking our diaries so each knows what the other is doing separately and those things we are doing together . Courtesy to let each other know roughly where and when .

Its good to know where someone is going from the point of view if anything happens you know whereabouts the last place was . Personally I hate to be timed as to when I am coming home if that makes sense.My Husband asks a lot ”when will you be home” my answer is ”I dont know I dont like to be tied to time” he is learning not to ask!

he may have had a falling out at the football and is trying to hide it

Yellowmellow I am with you. I've been through too much to feel I need to put up with lies and bad temper when I ask something just for the sake of a relationship. I am just so happy on my own now. The evil mind games and lies and the tantrums to avoid giving a straight answer... I don't have to live with any of that!

If a person is not honest I don't want to have anything to do with them.

bluebirdwsm Me too - I have real trouble with anyone who is deceptive.

paddyann I think the OP said he was jealous of the time she spent with the Gch. so she tells him she has been somewhere else and regards it as a white lie. I think it is another sign of his personality problems and she has a difficult relationship on her hands. He's an adult, he should accept that she will spend time with her Gch.

ELLAMAR123 I just had to say how sorry I feel for your friend. I can't imagine how ghastly it must have been on discovering this disgusting information. The internet does allow people to indulge themselves in their completely revolting and dishonest depravity in a way that was not available before.
We can speculate until we are blue in the face about what the OP's husband is doing. I totally agree with Apricity.
I would say to him that I need honesty and trust in a relationship. I would also make it clear that I have no problem at all with his having a life of his own, but for safety and peace of mind it is a good idea to give a clue about where you are going and when you are due home.

We're in our 70s, and my DH and I always tell each other where we're going; it's one less thing to worry about as I have always suffered from low-level anxiety. That said, it doesn't in any way restrict us both from going off to pursue our separate interests. This talk of lying to each other - why would you, if your relationship is healthy?

You say YOU lie to him so if its OK for you to do why isn't it for him?

There was no questioning and no recriminations - he just told me he was going to football this Saturday. No season ticket, no stopping off to collect prebooked train tickets as is normal. Same as last time two months ago but he’s cancelled this one in a huff - blaming me. We go out once a week separately- nothing untoward. You can imagine I’m curious but asking hasn’t helped - just says he’s cancelled everything!

Lies = something to hide. Every time.

So why would either party lie about it, then when asked evade the truth?

Of course couples need time apart, time to themselves and other people/activity so couples should understand each others needs, discuss, negotiate and talk about their arrangements with others. Not tell lies, that's irrational.

I must say that a lot of the ladies/men on here seem to be far more tolerant than me. Toxic relationships, lies etc etc and their gone. Do any of us need stress and torment at our age/any age....I don't. I'd rather be on my own

When your retired and you spend a lot of time around one another then you need to do things apart.
My dh meets a friend every other Thursday for coffee and a chat I meet my friend or my cousin for lunch every other Wednesday. He goes for a walk we live opposite Oxleas wood in Shooters hill,London some times go with him I like to mooch round the shops on my own. You need a bit of freedom from one another