My husband is lying to me

Could be harmless or a medical appointment on a weekday but I would be very wary on a weekend. My lovely friend was devastated last year and divorced her husband of 35 years. He forgot she knew his email password and when she was suspicious of his changed behaviour she snooped. She found emails from a website called sh**g me which is mostly married people looking for casual sex. I was with her when we went on the site that is full of men and women showing there naughty bits and saying what they want from a partner. A quick postcode search found a pic of her hubby and we registered in a false name and sent him a message. He was quick to reply and we said it was our first time and he said he had met and slept with around 10 women. He also said he was unhappily married when my friend never noticed a problem. She had all of his things outside when he got home and he begged and pleaded but thankfully she got him our of her life. He is in a dingy flat now and his children have cut him off also. I think they were disgusted and especially in the messages he slept with women years younger than his own daughters. Although my friend only sent him a message on the site she received others from men and they were all no spring chickens.

My ex H wasn't open or honest, he lied about his income and did not communicate but went into denial and was evasive. I was open, wanted to talk things out, know the truth so we could work things out, stay together, yet he didn't trust me. His loyalty was more towards his workmates and parents than to me and his children.

No affair just an unravelling of bonds and trust, and resentment about being 'trapped' with a mortgage and 2 lovely sons. We divorced. I will never trust anyone who lies since then.

My own father behaved like this while living with me . By a process of detection , I discovered that he had a serious gambling addiction and had lost many thousands of pounds , including his life insurance/ funeral funds which he had cashed in . It was very unpleasant to track this back as he had obviously been doing this since my childhood and had been very stingy with my late mother especially . He was secretive and very nasty when tackled ( very calmly ) . Do you have any family you could talk to ? I was supported by my brothers and although they lived miles away , being able to off load to them was massively important . Don’t suffer on your own - it’s terrible for your own well being and self esteem .

I would also check - at the risk of discovering he was out planning a surprise for you.

A tad harsh...quite a few couples let each other know where they're going, it's not particularly unusual. This lady is obviously a bit worried. Not everyone is as self assured as you.

maybe having a day out by himself. not saying he is senile ,but sometimes people do like to be alone..and not say where they are going... calm down..be nice and polite ,call his bluff ...and say i'm going out now without telling him...a first for you i expect,,

I can't see the point in confronting him. If he wants to tell you he will and if he doesn't he will continue to lie.
Only you can decide if you can live with his lies.

Lindill49 I am so sorry you are suffering from this. It is a horrible thing to go through. I gather he has confused you concerning what/where he has been on a fairly regular basis and that if you dare touch the subject, even innocuously, as you did when you said you'd find something to do this weekend, he obfuscates and explodes in anger at you thus instantly closing down communication.
If this has been an enduring trait or repeated behaviour you only have two choices. Either you live with it or you tell him you are not going to tolerate being lied to and put down by angry outbursts anymore. At its least it is disrespectful. I think when trust has gone in a relationship the very basis of the relationship is threatened and the bond falls apart. What he is doing is abuse, lying and using threatening anger to shut you up as soon as you touch on the subject of his secret life. This is controlling behaviour.
I am wondering if he does any other things to control you. You may be unaware of what it means. We get so used to it that it seems normal - it happened to me. www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/friendship-20/201506/20-signs-your-partner-is-controlling
gives a list of examples but do look at other websites because you need to get a wider feel of it. Also, don't let him try to accuse you of controlling him, just because you asked about his plans. You have grounds to ask and it is a natural question. His reaction is very controlling and his refusal, repeatedly, to give you a satisfactory reply undermines trust.
Please seek counselling. Please. Do not try to live with this on your own. You say it is a small thing, but I think that is your way of trying to cope. I have the feeling it is niggling away at you a lot more than you can cope with and if you don't do something to resolve it, it could make you ill. You have reached out to us here. Please find a Counsellor, if you can a relationships counsellor. Your GP should be able to help.
There is one last thing that has been on my mind. There was a case of a man who was a cross-dresser and could not tell his wife. He had to get away regularly to join other men to relax in women's clothes and enjoy this side of his personality. I am not joking. If he has a need like this he must trust you and you must understand him and appreciate it is harmless. Ask him if this is so and tell him you love him anyway. Sending you lots of love ?

I had sympathy with you until you posted again. We always say when we're going out and where but not to account for ourselves. Just natural.
I can't abide 'silly' defensive lies to avoid truth.
However, you told him you'd have to find something to do as he was going out?
Why exactly? You could do nothing, potter about, enjoy the mental space, go out yourself, lots...
No one person should meet our needs and vice versa.

You may both be unhappy as it sounds like there's tension around him feeling tied to accountability

Jenpax
CA, although should they not offer a service themselves, and from experience, are not with out information as to where the public can obtain the specific help they are looking for.

I hope you find something nice to do together now that he’s cancelled his match. It seems a bit strange to me that you go out yourself ( to visit family) but don’t like him doing a normal activity like watching football and maybe a drink with some pals afterwards. . It is quite normal and healthy for couples to do things on their own - it gives them something different to talk about when together.
Trust is very important in a relationship. So give him enough rope - he will either hang himself or you will realise that you have nothing to worry about, maybe he feels stifled. If you take a dog out and let him off the lead in the park, does it continue to walk along beside you or rush around like a mad thing, sniffing and investigating everywhere? Yet the owner never doubts its devotion. Hopefully your husband will become more relaxed and happy if given some freedom, but if he is up to no good, the sooner you know the better.

Just ask him.

I wasn't going to mention the chance of an 'affair' until others brought it up. I was in denial about my husband but in my heart I knew he was seeing somebody else - new mobile phone in car glove compartment which rang when we were on a journey together. I answered it and it immediately went quiet. I asked about the phone and was told had dropped his other one in the pond and had to buy a cheap one quick! I believed him. Next week, he walked out. I recommend that you be suspicious, but hope that your has a really good reason for being secretive and it turns out to be something lovely for you.

sarahellenwhitney Not all Citizens Advice offer free counselling sessions each operates separately and have different services I know that ours doesn’t offer any thing like this

May be he lied Because he didn’t like being questioned as to where he was going. I am currently staying with family and I get grilled about my movements and phone calls and I hate it

Might he be planning a surprise?.....if not then just say his explanation doesn’t make sense and see what he says....

I just want to say I agree wholeheartedly with Apricity - good advice. But also worth asking yourself why this is making you think he is taking you for a fool? I very much doubt if he is - whatever is going on, it is his stuff and I guess he knows you are not a fool, but doesn't know how to deal with whatever is going on when he talks to you. A far fetched idea - but may he have an issue like gambling for instance which he is scared to talk about? But whatever is happening, I think Apricity has the best advice for you. I hope you and he can talk safely and without judgement, and untangle whatever needs untangling.

Senseless lying is sometimes an sign of early dementia. It’s caused by mild confusion and forgetting what they are/were doing. It’s more a fabrication than a lie. And yes they get quite upset when challenged. Discuss your concerns with the gp and then try and persuade hubby to go for a health check. As a registered nurse who spent many years in elderly care I’ve seen this quite a lot.

I do hope he isn't ill in some way he doesn't (yet) want to talk about.
Appointments are often changed last minute...

No - he told me he was going to a football match and then said he wasn’t going and had cancelled the tickets and train - which you can’t do
You can, certainly train tickets from my experience. Don’t watch football but I imagine tickets can be resold.

I go out a lot on my own sometimes meeting up with friends....while my hubby sits and watches tele 15/17 hours a day. I will sometimes tell him where I’m off to..sometimes I don’t . If he ever stated checking up on me I’d put him straight! So your husband isn’t forthcoming ...what the hell does any of it matter at our advanced years. Leave him be!

If it happens again then time to tackle him!

*worth
BTW, Many football clubs 'send' tickets to their season ticket holders membership cards which are scanned at the venue. I know, I am a club member.

In the UK, many venues and all rail companies can send tickets to your mobile phone or you can pick them up at the venue or rail station.
Maybe the OP's husband decided to have them sent to his phone.
Personally, I think he might be feeling a bit claustrophobic being with his wife almost every evening and weekend and he didn't suddenly decide not to go. It was only after the OP made a bit of a fuss about having to find something to do this weekend, that he (allegedly) cancelled the (supposedly purchased) tickets.
We have no idea how much or exactly what was said by the OP regarding having to find something to do.
I'd forget the whole episode. Is it wirth a row? At 70, I think it unlikely that he would be meeting a stunning 40 yr old ex model and, if he was, good riddance.

Lindill.You say he has lied to you before. At present you do not have enough evidence to indicate he is doing something you would not be happy with and rather than push him for answers which could cause friction between you have the patience, frustrating as it will be, to wait and see what happens next.Good question ?how long do you wait.? Get on with your life as what ever he is doing will eventually surface and only then will you know how to handle it. Other than waiting then Citizens Advice have MG counsellors and as this is a free service make an appointment and off load your concerns onto them.