Nasty friends of friends

@Bridgeit. Reported! What for? For expressing an opinion on an open forum.
It's good to amass all points on an opinion spectrum. Healthy debate 'n all that.
For what it's worth, I never reported you either. I've never reported anyone. Not even
on Mumsnet. And I've had a few noteworthy responses to my opinions.

Me neither, I said what I thought on here!

Elaine, a lovely and compassionate post.

Bridgeit and Jamie, I was never bullied at school, but as an ex teacher, I’m saddened that it happened to both of you. Of course, bullying in the past was often tolerated, thankfully now it isn’t, or at least never should be.

I didn’t report you Bridgeit, I have only on one occasion reported one poster, who was imho out of order. Reporting people isn’t really helpful, we need robust discussion on Gransnet.

Thankyou Maggiemaybe, much appreciated.

Bridgeit, just to say that even though I challenged what you said on here, I didn’t report you. I don’t do that.

And for what it’s worth, I thought your post to Jaxie at 12:18 was admirable.

I agree that an instant retort would have helped your self esteem no end, but the shock of the moment often leaves us dumbstruck. I don’t agree with the ‘forget it and move on’ comments because the hurt continues to fester. Personally I wouldn’t be able to rise above it or forget it until I had paid him back. I would try to see him again and have in my head an armoury of snippy comments all ready for him.

Thanks to all who have anonymously reported me for my comments on this thread to GNs.

I am surprised this thread has run for so long.
Ihas occurred to me that the poster was rather confused about the film; Basil Rathbone was not in it, it starred Robert Donat; his replacement was Jeremy Northam, who by no stretch of the imagination could be called ugly.
Perhaps the man , when he said' ugly like you' meant it as a compliment: as ugly as you, because you are not ugly????
Convoluted, I know.
Just a thought.

Ok so you think it's ok to call someone ugly but get upset when someone says it to you. That seems a bit two faced to me. Someone said "a gentleman wouldn't say that to a lady" Well no one should be judging others looks or anything else actually.

People like like get away with being astoundingly rude because no one will challenge them for being rude.

I would make sure you never show how much it has hurt you, neither complain or explain is my motto.

Chin up.

Well, the way i see it, you only have two options here:

Option 1, get over it - he only said one thing, and anyway, you said the same about that actor.

Option 2, next time you see him, punch him in the throat.

I hope this helps.

XXXBestGranXXX

Perhaps we should all learn never to describe anyone as ugly in their hearing or not. Then this will be a positive coming from this unfortunate incident.

Jalima your suggested response would have been much better than what he actually said. He could have made his point much better.

@ElaineR155. Good points in your post^^.
My old boss used to say, "you'd think they'd make up in personality what they lack in looks". This always uttered sotto voce after observing something ugly in character being displayed towards another.

My opinion, the OP was in a social setting as a solo with three couples. Would the git (my opinion) have made that comment if the OP had a big burly bloke with her? Probably not. He's a coward who bloody got away with his snotty little comment.

Thank the heavens, OP, that you don't have to live with him. I really hope I'd be able to say something if I saw him again, a simple touch on his arm and a gentle "you hurt my feelings, you know, when you called me ugly". Practice it at home, just those words so you are prepared. His response doesn't matter, it's about you "marking his card". Don't try to avoid him, don't cut off the friends, you did nothing wrong.

Calling an actor ugly, it does not signify. The response is the issue.

Great post, Elaine155, insightful and compassionate.

I am sorry to read of the bullying you have suffered Jaxie, I know how it feels( early school years were particularly bad)
I may have been totally wrong,my take on your OP was that he interpreted what you said as judging people on their appearance & Ugly is an ugly word.
We cannot see beyond the written word on these sites, so apologies if I misinterpreted the situation you were in

I don't think anyone should be calling another person ugly whether they are present or not. We don't choose our features. Some people imo have more interesting faces than others just as some have more interesting characters.....

ElaineR155, Just read your post. You are a gem and I wish I could meet you. Jaxie ?

I think I thought the actor in the modern version was an actor who could be described as " odd looking" Benedict Cumberbatch, ( here I expect to receive a deluge of abuse from his admirers) perhaps, rather than " ugly" but sometimes words slip out. I realise no- one can help the looks they were born with; I am not a beauty myself, maybe I should have chosen my words more carefully, perhaps I meant he was miscast. I put my hurt reaction down to bullying I suffered as a child. But thanks again Gransnetters, most of you are willing to try to understand my pain.

I would have looked at him directly and said
pointedly and audibly 'Did you enjoy just saying that?' I certainly would not rebuff him on future unexpected encounters. That might give him the notion that his unkindness had mattered to you. I would give an 'agreeable' hello but not a word more. I certainly would decline any invitations where I knew he was included in the company.

Wasn’t that what he wanted her to understand?

I don't think so Bridgeit, as the actor wasn't in the room.
He could have put it better without insulting someone to her face.

I can't begin to tell you Bridgeit!

Gearing myself up for the next encounter - with some tips from this thread

Wasn’t that what he wanted her to understand?

Jalima - to any one who has had to endure being described as Ugly, past, present, or future !