Nasty friends of friends

Well, if I felt the need to 'tell someone off' for expressing an opinion about somebody none of us knew or had met, and who didn't know of our existence, then I would just say "that seems a bit mean".
Not be bloody hateful.

Who decides what is considered ugly & what is not.?

Really is it ?

I think the above two posts are very unfair. It is quite reasonable to describe someone not present in a measured and dispassionate way, as quite ugly. To turn round to someone present and tell them they are ugly is completely different.

I once worked with a man, who could only be described as 'quite ugly', but he was a very nice person and good company. To have turned to him and said 'You are ugly' would have been totally offensive.

Like so many words the emotional content and meaning of a word depends on the context and tone it is said in.

or maybe Jaxie just watch what you say in future .If you cant take it dont dish it out as my granny would have said .

I agree with Paddyann. & Bluebirdwsm, it’s not very pleasant to describe anyone as ugly, perhaps this man hoped you would take heed from his response.

Alex57currie, you are quite right. I did mean that bullies like this man are very good at using (and even creating) opportunities when someone is vulnerable to be nasty and derogatory - as he has already demonstrated. It's a power play.

Unfortunately not many of us have the quick wit and strong personality needed to be able to fire back a withering response in situations like this - except perhaps in hindsight.

Mae West would have had the worm squirming. Jaxie, maybe asking yourself "What would Mae say?" might help reduce the anxiety you feel about meeting this man again in a social situation. Laughing at a bully, even in your imagination or with supportive friends, can be a great circuit breaker in your thinking patterns. There are lots of Mae West quotes on the internet. At the very least you'll have some good laughs. ?

Well, he’s a laugh a minute, Jalima.

Words fail me, but that face of mine would be telling him what I thought of his act.

paddyann
Faces are all different some are more attractive than others but its a horrible thing to call anyone UGLY.
I've never called anyone ugly but I was called it by this unpleasant bully that we know; it was not a tit for tat, it was supposed to be a hilarious joke.

You said someone was ugly, which isn't a good thing to say about anyone. Think it, don't say it, especially not in company.
He probably was pulling you up on that and giving the remark back to you. Not nice to be described so is it? Others there maybe didn't say anything because they felt as he did so didn't defend you.

HurdyGurdy. I think Apricity possibly meant that if he could say something not very nice in front of others, then quite possibly could get really nasty when nobody's around. I've got a brother like that. That is why I have nothing to do with him.

If I were you I would thank your friend for inviting you on that occasion, and say you really enjoy seeing her and appreciate her hospitality, really hope she will invite you again, but NEVER when that ghastly man is invited.

I don’t think you brought the rude comment on yourself. Suspect alcohol and habit played equal parts. You won’t be the only person he has been rude to. I suspect if challenged he would pas it off as a joke. As others have said try every trick there is not to brood on this, the next time you see him take a deep, steadying breath and be icily polite. Don’t assume he’ll be rude again, should he be then if you can point out you find his comment unacceptable and turn and chat to someone else. Try to let it go now.

Ugly belongs to ugly. It’s an unpleasant word!

Apricity - "never let him into your house or be alone with him."

What on earth are you implying??

I think you brought it on yourself to be honest .I notice its friends who aren't particularly good looking who are the first to label other people as "ugly " can I say that I have never in my entire life seen anyone who to me is ugly.Faces are all different some are more attractive than others but its a horrible thing to call anyone UGLY.Its something that irritates me beyond belief I'm with your friend of a friend on this ,is it something your friends are used to hearing you say? Maybe thats why nobody jumped to your defence .

Actually, if it was me (and I am a complete cow), when I met him again I'd say loudly, 'Oh yes. I remember you. You're the man who told me I was ugly when we last met.' It would be interesting to see his face at that.

I also think that if your comment had been made by one of the other women with a partner attending, then his his reply would have been completely different. You in effect were vunerable being unaccompanied amongst all the others, and he used this to get away with being quite rude. If any of the other women had said this and the response from this man had been the same I don,t think it would have gone unchallenged.

Had I thought in time, I would have said 'How very rude' and given him my gorgon stare.

But of course, one never does think in time, but he would have got the stare.

Jaxie you are a greater person than he is. You may be upset, and can show and say so to friends (like us), but when you go about your life in your town, hold your head up high and do not let the pain show. If you meet this unpleasant individual, look straight through him, if he speaks, act is if he isn't there and walk on. If he accosts you and asks why you are cutting him, simply say, 'you know' and walk in.

Generally treat him with the disdain you would treat someone who let their dog sh*t on the pavement and left it there, He is excrement under your feet.

I would not want to socialise at any gathering where this dreadful man is attending, so be a bit picky which invitations you accept.
I don't find that so easy - the person I know has his fingers in many pies locally as well as being one in a group of friends, so to avoid him socially is very difficult.

I'm afraid I would have found it hard not to just stand up and leave, without saying a word. Let them all feel uncomfortable - the ill-mannered pig for saying that to you, and the others for pretending they didn't hear instead of supporting you.

Jaxie, is it possible that the other guest is a friend or relation of the actor you described as ugly? His response was unkind, true, but perhaps just a reflex reaction to your casual dissing of someone you don't actually know.

Next time you see him tell him Halloween's over !

I am guessing that others pretended not to have overheard his remark so as not to get involved and cause any embarrassment. If you had said anything to him, he would probably have back pedalled and said " it's only banter" or "just joking" to try and make himself look in a better light.
I would not even acknowledge him if I saw him about town again and look straight through him if he tried to make conversation and keep on walking.
On the other hand you might feel inclined to give him a piece of your mind and tell him in no uncertain terms were to go.
I would not want to socialise at any gathering where this dreadful man is attending, so be a bit picky which invitations you accept. Perhaps you might be allowed to take a "plus one " with you to some of your social events maybe just a friend or workmate if it would help to make you feel more comfortable. With his arrogance he probably won't get invited to as many social events as he might wish. x

I'm pretty sure I would have said, well thanks a lot, as I have done on a couple of occasions. He sounds either drunk or immature and full of his own importance but that may be letting him off, you will have a better idea of his personality. What a cheek, I am sure it was noted by some of the other guest.