Nasty friends of friends

I suspect the response of the fellow guest was about the OP’s derogatory comment and not her personal appearance.
It was just nasty MeltingM

A reasonable response would have been to say 'Oh, no, I don't really agree there, I don't think he's ugly'.

"I might have been upset IF I valued your opinion".
I'll remember that one Oldwoman

However, retaliating upsets me too and so often a ruins an otherwise nice social gathering. Practising yoga breathing …..

I hope you can avoid him in future Jaxie.

Colin Stinton, the actor who played Desmond Curry in the 1999 remake of the Winslow Boy, is certainly not ugly. I suspect the response of the fellow guest was about the OP’s derogatory comment and not her personal appearance.

If you think it likely you will be in a social gathering with this "man" then have a good reply ready just in case. I have found that if someone says something unpleasant I can turn the tables by saying "I might have been upset IF I valued your opinion".

Jaxie I know someone like this, who is in our circle of friends. It's easy for others to say 'let it go over the top of your head' but it is extremely upsetting even if you retaliate. I decided the best thing to do was to avoid this person, but that is impossible unless we extract ourselves from the group altogether.

Maggiemaybe are you free when we next go out with them please, even if just to restrain me?

Maggiemaybe.

Well for what it's worth, I think you were right first time, alex. I wouldn't be absolutely charming to this man the next time I came across him. That smacks of condoning his behaviour, imho. Bullies need to be called out, or at least, as you said earlier, treated with the contempt they deserve.

I have a rather formidable resting bitch face myself.

eazybee, that's a more positive piece of sage wisdom there in your post. I like it better.
Yeah, in hindsight, it's more difficult around a friend group.

Jaxie
Or did you mean Basil Radford?
His role (Desmond Curry) is played by Colin Stinton in the newer version.
I'm a big fan of films from the thirties/forties

Jaxie
A little off topic I know, but it's not Basil Rathbone (the best Holmes ever!) in The Winslow Boy, but Robert Donat!
Jeremy Northam, who takes his role in the 1999 remake is not what I'd call ugly, but compared to Donat, not many men would come out well!
However, the friend of a friend should have been taken to task immediately for his rudeness, it was uncalled for.

Just due to rudeness and ignorance.
If you should meet him again be absolutely charming (you, after all, know how to behave) but this time you will be prepared for possible rude remarks; give as good as you get if he should speak like that again.
People get away with rudeness initially because it shocks the recipient. I wonder what his wife thought.

Making a comment like that to a fellow guest, a woman on her own with all the other guests in couples is no accident or just a piece of plain old rudeness. Like all bullies that man is a nasty piece of work who deliberately targets those more vulnerable than himself. Your hostess and the other guests were undoubtedly embarrassed and tried to smooth things over and probably don't want to acknowledge the sort of man he really is.

There isn't anything you can do about the incident but be very wary of that man. As you move in the same social circles of a small town do try to avoid entering into conversation with him and never let him into your house or be alone with him. He has revealed himself as a despicable person and is the only ugly one. Knowing what you now know about him gives you strength to deal with him in the future. Chin up, shoulders back, deep breaths. Please look after yourself. ??

My response to this is actually on the thread above.

As my mother used to say - if you've nothing good to say about someone, say nothing at all

Yes my gran said that too, right before she went on to call some woman or other, up the street . Of course she didn’t even realise she was doing it .

Oh come off if HurdyGurdy the actor wasn’t in the room, it wasn’t said to him face to face . He will never be hurt because he will never know it was even said .

What a horror ! Probably seen as a pillar of the community because of his past career while nobody has the guts to tell him otherwise. People like this make me sick.

I don't really think you can claim the moral high ground here, having been quite ok with calling someone else ugly. Whether they are present to hear it or not, it's still a nasty thing to say about anyone. Who has control over their facial features and how they are arranged (apart from those who indulge in cosmetic surgery)

He gave you a taste of your own medicine, and you are finding how bitter it tastes.

Maybe reconsider the language that you use against others? As my mother used to say - if you've nothing good to say about someone, say nothing at all.

I bet someone else who was there will have had a word with him. I expect there was a slightly awkward silence after he said that. He might be bitterly regretting what he'd said. Most likely he'd forgotten that this occasion wasn't a workplace banter situation.
Forget it. Rise above it! His friends will now be thinking less of him. His loss.

It is so annoying when someone does this kind of thing and an instant retort (e.g. You're no oil painting yourself) does not spring to mind until it is too late. Please try not to let this fester and prey on your mind. I am sure that the rest of the company and your hostess, were too embarrassed by his crass remark to come up with a suitable reply, so just ignored it. He will have gone way down in their estimation, whereas you will not.

Had he had much to drink?! He probably thought he was being clever or witty. Ignore it, and perhaps if he's at a meeting again, blank him. There's always one, and he's it.

He is a boorish, male chauvinist pig!
No gentleman would dream of saying something so rude to a female.
It says more about him than you!
Ignore the comment and forget it, some people can't help being an ar--hole.

How very rude indeed! The trouble is, as another poster has said, this will niggle with you and really annoy.

Close your eyes, visualise placing it on a train and watch it vanish over the horizon.

What a CF as they would say on Mumsnet - the first word is cheeky!

C'mon Jaxie. Time to hoick up your big girl pants.
I had this recently with a close neighbour of 25yrs.
In front of his wife and others in the street he dismissed
me rather rudely. My flabber was gasted. Angry, what?
I set myself to not acknowledge him whatsoever. Not easy.
Ignored him with my face set in what my Dh calls my "resting bitch face"
Why should I make him feel comfortable? He ended up really squirming at times.
Did I care? Did I what. Treat him with the contempt he deserves.
Oh you'll get those who say "be the bigger person for the sake of the friendship group"
I'm afraid one of the friend's need to take him to task. And you need an apology to move
on with this. If not, consider socialising with individuals if possible. You're going to
initially feel uncomfortable whatever. Your choice.

Now that’s a comeback, MissA!

Thinking of his wife/partner, and whether she heard it... At least you don’t have to live with him, Jaxie.

I would have said "oh no, far uglier than that. More like you!".
Of course though, I wouldn't really, because I would be so stung and hurt.
Horrible, nasty 'man'.
I bet he wouldn't have said it to another male.