I hate my sons partner and have just found out she is pregnant again anybody else in this situation

Your son has chosen his life and his partner he’s still with her (the child’s 7 so they ve been togethe4 at least 8 years) and still obviously having sex (hence a new oregnancy) so obviously they are staying together and it’s none of your business whether you like her or not
Interesting phrase She became pregnant when my son was in his 1st year of uni Did she do it all by herself then ?

Keep our of it it’s not your business or your problem
To say you hate someone is nasty and strongly toxic probably says more about you than the daughter in law

*Quote: "Whether or not you like her, the fact remains that she is your son's partner. Any children that they have together are your grandchildren.
If you want to have a relationship with your grandchildren, you need to at least be civil toward her. You don't have to like her. You just have to show her courtesy and decency."end Quote*

Spot on really - Good advice agnurse

Having said that I can see from your further information, that this is very hard!! Venting on here hopefully will help. Deb1987

It works both ways especially when your DD is/was married to s scheming manipulative narcissist.

Oh for pity's sake! Not another one.
My thoughts too Iam64

Hating her will get you nowhere and only make the situation worse. Stand back, leave them to it and use the energy you are putting into hating into doing something more useful.

Support your son, give what help you can, but in the meanwhile leave them to it and get on with your own life.

hold up people I did all the right stuff bit my tongue welcomed her etc etc she became pregnant the first time when my son was in 1st year of uni - and when he was argueing with her a lot. I was very upset at the timing but gave all the support I could including looking after my grandson a lot I also made it clear to my son that he is now a Father and that meant manning up and being responsible. She then decided with her mums backing that she was going to say she was homeless and get a council flat and if my 19 year old didn't move in he could not see his child I tried to reason and tell her hold up till he finished uni she could live with us they could save and do things in an ordered way and get a place but no she jumped into temp accommodation and told me I was no longer needed and should go away and die. I did at that point lose it and blasted her and her entire family.

Fast forward my GS is now 7 my son does most of the hands on stuff trying to replicate his own childhood he does the swimming football tennis and tutor all of which I help him to pay for as he is slowly getting ahead in his career but still earns low money. My son works long hours but still does school run pick up and then back to work I help as much as I can but I run my own business and also work mad hours. I know they have been arguing but kept out yes I had hoped he would leave and take my GS but she must have seen the writing on the wall and now she is pregnant again no money shit job and in a council flat my son is screwed but hey he had sex so he will have to find a way of looking after this one too.
So I hate her because she is manipulative and devious not a good mum

It`s always rather suspicious when someone makes a post like this and then disappears - is she just trying to stir us up?

I have 2 daughters inlaw, one of whom doesn't seem to like me for some reason.......my son works away and I only go there when he's around. She is civil to me, makes me a cup of tea etc but I am only there for an hour. I would love to see more of my grandchildren, but there you go. She goes to her mother daily...I understand that as well.
The other d.i.l. is a total doll. She loves to have me there. My son loves her parents....they help out a lot. And we are all quite comfortable about it.
I wish the other d.i.l. will alter her attitude and realise, her children, need my cuddles as well. The more loving cuddles they have, the better ..

Maddy, no apology needed, I confuse things with - my son in law who isn’t ?

deb1987 you better come back to us or we don't know what we are trying to discuss here. My in-law children! are lovely but human.

Annie, sorry for my mistake. xx

Oh yes Willow, of course it was, (her loss) and quite right too. Anyway, if the mother cut herself off, that of course was up to her. But how awful is that, to not want contact with her children and grandchildren. And there are grandparents out there who have been cut off and would give their right arms to see their grandchildren. Thanks for explaining, I thought the cut off was the other way round. I suppose my views have been formed by my own experiences, when my sister cut us all off, I grieved as if she’d died. I was heartbroken and so was my mother. Seven years later she came back to us, and only then did we find out about the terrible mental health issues she suffered and all the treatment she’d had. And now, some twenty years later, it’s happened again, and we know she’s gone off all her medication. This time I’m not so devastated at all, and neither is Mum. So you understand how I view ‘cut offs’ from all this. But it’s a completely different situation in your family, still sad though that this mother couldn’t love her children and grandchildren and wanted no part of them. I guess it’s her loss.

Maddyone unfortunately it was the mother who cut herself off and did some unforgivable things in the process. She threw her daughter out at 17 (30 years ago now) who came to live with us. She also had no relationship with her son either and it was only by chance that he found out last year his father had died 4 years previously. We did all we could in the intervening years between DIL moving in with us and their wedding 3 years later to try to ease the situation without taking sides but once the wedding was over and other things came out we had to respect her decision she couldn't try any more. Her mother's loss yes but our priority was son & DIL's welfare and happiness.

No Maddy, two daughters , three sons in law ?

But Annie, you had three wonderful daughters. xx

Willow, that is very sad. I’m not sure that I approve of a daughter or son cutting off their own parent, unless there has been actual abuse, in which case I definitely approve. If your DiL cut off her own mother because the mother couldn’t hold her tongue, it’s understandable but not acceptable in my humble opinion. My own sister has cut off her own family, including her parents and myself, twice! She suffers from severe mental health issues, and she often refuses treatment. It is understandable though extremely sad in the case of my sister, but is not really understandable where people are not mentally ill. Family is family after all, and grandchildren have a right to see and know their grandparents. I wonder why your grandchildren don’t want to know their other grandparent, what have they been told about her. It’s very sad, all because the woman couldn’t hold her tongue! Too harsh in my opinion, she should have been told to mind her own business, but not cut off.

Never had a daughter in law, no surprise, I didn’t have a son !

The tone of the OP is not suggesting a good outcome!
My DD is "stuck" with a man I can no longer feel affection for. He has behaved in ways I cannot forgive. However he is the father of my wonderful DGDs and for their sake I swallow hard, smile and behave courteously. Meanwhile my DD is trying to extricate herself from this excuse for a man. Hopefully this will happen soon.

I love my daughter in law, I couldn’t have a better one. She makes my son happy and and she enters into family life, both our family and her own family, with enthusiasm. I also have two sons in law who I care about, not least because they are my children’s husband/partners. I do prefer one to the other, but that’s down to particular circumstances. I try to behave in exactly the same way to them all, I welcome them all into my home, and both myself and my husband try to help all three of them to the best of our ability.
I can’t really advise on what to do if you dislike your DiL so profoundly, particularly as you give no clue as to the behaviours you dislike. More information would help. However I do agree with others that you must respect your son’s choice, and if he’s happy with her, that is the most important thing. I would say, try your best to like her, and if you can’t like her, at least don’t let it show.

My son's wives are both wonderful and we love them too. I will only echo the others - if you want to have a relationship with your grandchild(ren) you need to bite your tongue and maintain a civil one with their mother. Sadly my eldest DIL's mother didn't do this with her own daughter and has had no contact with my granddaughters all their lives. Now at 21 and 17 they don't know her and don't want to.

Oh for pity's sake! Not another one.

I agree with agnurse she is your son's choice and you should try at least to see her in a more positive light.

BluBelle and BBbevan, I am totally with both of you.

People choose partners to suit themselves, not their parents.

My son does not have a partner, he has a wife. He loves her to bits and so do we.

Perhaps she needs to deal with a horrible mother in law
Anyone who uses the word ‘hate’ about a person doesn’t deserve answers in my opinion