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My alcoholic ex wants the dog

(62 Posts)
Felicity53 Thu 08-Nov-18 07:56:42

I have a huge dilemma so forgive me if I ramble a tad.
I had to have my hugely abusive alcoholic partner removed from my house by the police earlier this year. The courts placed a 12 month restraining order on him.
He has just come out of rehab but within 24 hours was drinking again.
His children and I found him a place to live but no dogs are allowed. He bought a lovely Springer spaniel 8 years ago and she is a much adored family pet and this is the only home she has ever known. He is insisting on taking her away just to spite me. He cannot have her himself but says he will rehome her or have her put down. This would just be a new form of abuse but will most definitely push me to breaking point. I don’t know where I stand legaly or what I can do. I know he would defy the restraining order and take her. Any advice gratefully received.

Caro57 Thu 08-Nov-18 11:11:32

Don’t know where you live but there definitely a NW ESS rescue and probably in other parts of the country. They are online and should be able to offer support/ guidance for you. Good luck, my sympathies and with you and your innocent dog

grandtanteJE65 Thu 08-Nov-18 11:28:00

Legally as others have said the dog is the property of the person who can prove that they paid for it. If that person is not the person whom the dog's chip is registered to then there might just be legal doubt as to whose the animal is.

Under Scottish law pet owners have a duty of care to the animals they keep, so if you live in Scotland you might be able to prove that your ex. cannot care for the dog, as he is living in a flat where he may not keep a dog, and is an alcoholic.

Obviously there is no chance of a reasonable solution, as your ex is using the dog as a means of causing you distress, so offering to buy the dog for whatever amount he paid for it as a puppy isn't going to work.

FlorenceFlower Thu 08-Nov-18 11:28:12

How horrible for you, he certainly doesn’t sound as though he would be able to care for your dog. Lots of good advice from others about the RSPCA, Dogs Trust, free advice from solicitor, etc.

A word of warning. A friend divorced her husband and out of sheer spite he took their two cats because he had paid for them several years earlier. A huge row erupted just as the cats were taken out of her house and the police were involved. All extremely unpleasant, and at least one caution issued by the police, not to the ex husband but to someone helping him.

I don’t think my friend contested her ex-husband taking the cats or sought legal advice beforehand.

Do hope your lovely dog stays with you. ?

breeze Thu 08-Nov-18 11:32:24

If the dog is a pedigree it will have papers and if the dog is microchipped it will have the name of the legal owner. If he is logged as owner on both of these then you will need to prove he is unfit to keep the dog and with a restraining order against him and him living in accommodation that does not allow dogs you are half way there. As others have rightly said, don't leave the dog unattended and you would be wise to get some legal advice. If he does approach you or your property to obtain the dog, then call the police as he is breaching the order. He sounds like he's run out of things to threaten you with so is using the only thing left. Buying alcohol will be more important to him than using the bus fare even to visit anyone legal to press for a court order to get the dog so I would call his bluff and tell him you're taking advice from the police, RSPCA and a solicitor to prove he's unfit. It may be worth a call to the police to log a complaint of harassment and ask them to 'ave a word'. That could be enough to frighten him into dropping his threats. I assume he has supervised access to the children at a centre as he can't come near you or your home so if he does appear, pick up the phone and don't let him in. He may well be getting drunk and drunk messaging you with threats. Maybe change your numbers too.

breeze Thu 08-Nov-18 11:38:14

ps - I would most definitely request the 12 month restraining order is extended btw. He is drinking and harassing you again. Keep your messages as proof.

GabriellaG Thu 08-Nov-18 12:09:59

He might want to use it to beg.

glammanana Thu 08-Nov-18 12:35:55

Why has your ex changed after you helped him find a place to live,has he got the wrong messages from you with regard to the injunction, I would not have any contact at all & get the injunction extended asap.
Make sure everyone in your household knows that they are not to answer the door to him if you have to go out for any reason,does he still have keys to your home if so get the locks changed right now.

EllanVannin Thu 08-Nov-18 13:06:59

Not sure but I think chips just contain the postcode and maybe the pet's name not the name of the owner. This is what I understand from one of my cat's who's chipped.

Felicity53 Thu 08-Nov-18 13:28:27

Thank you all for your wonderful support and advice. Sadly he did pay for Nelly she is registered at the vets as his as is her chip. The restraining order still has months to run but if he has had enough to drink nothing will stop him. Apparently this is all the court will take into consideration. The RSPCA won’t get involved if the dog is only going to be rehomed but not under any threat. All my locks have been there is no more I can do. He probably won’t do anything just yet but will plan to get me off my guard. I know I need to man up a bit but it’s just so hard ?I do love all the wonderful suggestions of what I could do to him though !!

Felicity53 Thu 08-Nov-18 13:43:55

Thank you . The National abuse hotline is wonderful they helped me prepare my case for the court and the 12 month non molestation order was granted. Unfortunately he cares about nothing and nobody when he is drunk and with best will in the world it takes the police at least 30 minutes to get to my house even though I’m on a high priority at risk register. Fortunately there are no children at home any more for me to worry about

Willow10 Thu 08-Nov-18 13:55:16

Breeze is right - report every incident of threats or harassment so that at least the police are in the know and can keep a record. Same with phone calls, texts etc. keep a record. I don't know the law but if he is continually abusing his retraining order, there must be only so many times that he can get away with it without some intervention. Best wishes to you, stay strong. flowers

gmelon Thu 08-Nov-18 14:00:04

He's managing to push your buttons.
He justvwon't leave you in peace will he?
I'd just ignore him. What rubbish will he come up with next?
Wondering why you helped find him a place to live?

Barmeyoldbat Thu 08-Nov-18 14:16:12

First get the dog microchipped info already done. Then the police and tell them he is trying to claim ownership of the family pet and have another order slapped on him. Also might well worth contacting the RSPCA to warm them. Just tell everyone it was bought as a family pet and let him prove it belongs to him. Good luck

FarNorth Thu 08-Nov-18 14:16:34

I don't know the law but if he is continually abusing his retraining order, there must be only so many times that he can get away with it without some intervention.

There must be some comeback on him, if he continues to harass you, otherwise what is the point of the order?
Do you have proof that he would have the dog put down if he can't find a home for her? Would RSPCA be interested is they knew that?

FlexibleFriend Thu 08-Nov-18 14:18:16

Contact Trevor Cooper Dog Law
www.doglaw.co.uk/ownership-custody-disputes/

LouLou21 Thu 08-Nov-18 15:17:24

When I left my ex he got my 10 year old daughter to agree to him keeping her beloved dog for a few weeks because he would be “so lonely” on his own. Then a neighbour told us that he had.given the dog to his brother who lived 200 miles away, We went to the police who said that there was nothing that they could do about it, and warned us not to try to physically get the dog back. My daughter was heartbroken and never wanted to have anything more to do with him. Which was probably a blessing in disguise.

Felicity53 Thu 08-Nov-18 15:17:52

Bingo! Thank you so much Flexible Friend.I just rang James at Doglaw . He is sorting it all out because he understands the complexity of such a problem. It costs a bit but I can sleep tonight. I can’t beleve you’ve all done this for me.
Love to you all
Felicity ????

Buffybee Thu 08-Nov-18 15:23:21

Well done FlexibleFriend!
So pleased Felicity53 that you are defending your Ddog against this bully.
Wishing you and Ddog all the best.

Willow10 Thu 08-Nov-18 16:03:52

Thats great news, I really hope it all works out. flowers

Lynne59 Thu 08-Nov-18 16:37:27

Jenpax....and?

Alima Thu 08-Nov-18 17:53:14

So pleased that you are finding good advice here Felicity. I had nothing to give apart from a few nasty nouns for the ar—ole ex. All he best to you and Nelly.

KaazaK Thu 08-Nov-18 18:32:27

Felicity53, how I feel for you. I have a sort of similar situation in that my husband is mentally ill and although I don't think he would abuse my dogs, he uses them as a weapon against me. The other day I was almost at my place of work when he phoned me and said that my puppy had got out and he didn't know where she was. He casually said he would go and look for her when he had finished his cup of tea and got dressed! As you can guess I was frantic, then I heard her barking in the background! I work in the legal profession and I don't think your ex can take the dog but I would certainly be very vigilant as to her whereabouts all the time. Not at all nice for you

poshpaws Thu 08-Nov-18 19:50:16

Tell the police the dog is yours, given as a gift by the horrible ex all those years ago.Tell him you've let everyone know, too, that the dog is yours. He won't be able to prove any differently I don't think.

FlexibleFriend Thu 08-Nov-18 20:32:07

Happy to help, Felicity53 I've personally never had to use them but belong to a couple of dog forums and it's the one name that always crops up as "the go to expert"
We can all sympathise but they can actually help, I hope it works out for you x.

Jobey68 Thu 08-Nov-18 21:32:31

He would touch that dog over my dead body! Can you move her to a friends or family for the time being just so you can be certain he can't get to her? Hopefully it's all talk and he's hitting out at the one thing he knows will hurt you but won't act on it. I truly hope things settle down and he leaves you in peace Xx