I have a SisIL whom I find very difficult indeed.
Back story is that OH had very little to do with his family - tolerated them if they visited, but did not initiate contact; and I stopped encouraging him to make contact quite early in our marriage as I decided he was an adult and could choose to make contact or not. So - not a close family at all.
Fast forward a bit and SIL invites her (now widowed) father to go and live with them abroad. This caused a few raised eyebrows as she was known not to get on with him at all. After a year or so, she got fed up with him and rang us to say he was coming back to UK and would be arriving on X date (transport had been arranged). There was nowhere else for him to go but to us.
I later found out that he had contributed a substantial amount of money to their home abroad and some renovations there. It felt a bit as though he had outlived his usefulness there, so she ditched him on us, poor chap. The story was that he was "dying" so how could we refuse? - when he arrived it was perfectly obvious that this was not the case at all. (He went on to live another 5-6 years).
Having him in our home was a nightmare - OH barely spoke to him etc. In the end it was I who had to just say to him that it was not working out and we needed to get him back to his home town. I expended a great deal of effort getting him suitable accommodation there and we moved him back.
When he died some years later, we arranged all the funeral etc. and SIL came over from abroad, arrived before we did, sifted through his house and took everything she wanted; then left us to clear everything else and deal with house sale etc. immediately the funeral ended.
One of the things I cleared out was FIL's laptop, from the contents of which I discovered correspondence with him from SIL relating to his will and suggesting he leave everything to the GC and bypass us (and to be fair also her) as we "have plenty of money." This is not the case as, due to serious illness, OH had to leave full time work at the age of 42, and this had a detrimental effect on his pension. But she neither asked us, nor told us what she had proposed to him. He died before changing his will in fact.
So.....there she is - not someone I know particularly well, but one who has dropped us in it a few times.
She now wishes to make contact with OH, her brother, as he has an incurable illness. Fair enough - I would not stand in her way, and could see she might want to mend fences. But.......she organised to come one weekend and said she would stay for one night and that I did not need to bother about making food as she would bring it all and make it. Fine. She arrived with a cake - just the one cake! - nothing else - and stayed two nights!
She then arranged another visit, which I had to cancel a few days before it was planned as we both had flu. Her reply to this was the most spiteful vitriolic email imaginable - about how typical it was of me trying to prevent her seeing her brother! - in whom she had shown zilch interest for decades! And how angry she was with me. I was gobsmacked! I replied very firmly indeed, telling her this was entirely inappropriate and unacceptable.
A few months later she wanted to come again and said that she and her partner would stay in a B&B and just pop in to see us both. Fine. She arrives complete with dog! - she knows how we feel about dogs in our home and garden but thought she could manipulate us into agreeing to have the dog in the house once she got here. I refused to budge- she then tried to manipulate my sick OH into agreeing - by this time I am seething! I had decided that I would be sweetness and light and just grin and bear the visit; but TBH I found I could not do this - not proud of that, but life is pretty stressful here and I could just do without it. So, I spent most of their visit busily doing the garden and left her to talk to her brother.
She now wants to come again - she rang when I was out, and said she was planning to ask my DD to put them up. Now, I know that my DD and family (they run their own business) are going to be crazily busy during the month she is coming and also that they too do not like dogs in the house. I had a word with DD and said she must say no if it is too much for them.
The time for the visit is drawing near and I have no doubt that I will hear soon she has rung DD to ask to say. I find myself absolutely dreading this visit and thinking of just making sure I am not around any more than I have to be to keep OH looked after. I spent my working life dealing with some of life's most damaged and difficult people and coped just fine. Why is this blessed woman my Waterloo? Why can I not rise above this?
Sorry for the long spiel - I feel better getting it off my chest - I cannot have these discussions with OH.
