The ex wife

What does DH say / feel about it? Would it be appropriate, with tongue in cheek, to ask her current OH if they ever do anything together as all the talk seems to be of life with the ex?!

This is a difficult situation for your holidaynana I think I would probably back off from that group and find some new friends - I hope you find some in 2019.

Why would you bother to remain in the same friendship group? You are setting yourself up to have tense situations.
As we get older I think we have the right not to 'people please' on a purely social level.
For years we have attended annual drinks parties that we didn't enjoy and made polite conversation with others who were probably counting the minutes before they could respectably leave. Our new policy is to explain to the people throwing these parties that we love them to pieces but really don't enjoy drinks parties any more, so please don't take it personally, but we prefer not to come.

Aquariusb must be thinking it's her.

In a strange way, she is still trying to stake a claim on him as in "you have him now, but he was mine first!" It must be so annoying for you! Think I'd say something along the lines of "Really? thanks for sharing that" and move away from her. Do it enough times and she will hopefully get the message. If it doesn't work, you'll just have to be quite blunt and tell her that it is lovely to share memories, but as she is married to someone else now, doesn't she think it must be upsetting for her husband to hear them ?

To the OP: You sound very socially involved with your husband's ex and her new partner. Is it actually necessary, if her company is as tedious as you seem to feel? I can't imagine her partner is very happy about it either. If the two ex's feel the need to keep meeting up, let them do it on their own (I am sure enough time has gone by that you need not fear a rekindling of anything further)

Is it just me or are there others that get fed up deciphering abreviations like dd dh and so on. Does it take much longer to write words in full

My OH family and friends still talk about the past (which obviously includes his late wife) and their wonderful times as a group. While not meant to offend it does make me feel excluded.
I'm really good at doing the dishes when visiting.

I agree my ex husband's new partner is manipulating and very passive aggressive with me every time I have to see her

Maybe you could ask her what she has been doing recently.... p.s. you have more patience than I have

I'm an ex wife and talk about my memories. I was married for 30 years so it would be a lot to not talk about. I certainly don't want my ex back though.

It depends on how often she does it. I remember good times with my ex-husband. I don't feel the need to talk about them often. As one person suggested maybe say You talk about the past a lot......
I don't think I would like to socialise with my ex and partner.

I fully support the way you are currently handling this. And, while it might be the right way, I am sure it must become very tiring. Does anyone else comment on this? Your partner or mutual friends?
I just wonder if it's just her way or if she does do it to be superior/stake a very old claim.
You're a good person, and maybe try to widen that friendship circle ?

I'm not sure I'd want to remain in "the same friendship group" . I get along OK with his ex wife but I don't want to socialise with her ! Listening to her droning on about their marriage would wear me down - you need to have your own life with him, not to be constantly re-living their happy times !

I have in second marriage for 13 years and very happy. My annoying ex dh still questions our 3dc about all aspects of my life including where am i going for holidays a couple of days ago ask our ds if i had made a turkey stew. I know it annoys my dh and i am amazed my ex dh new partner of 10 years does not stop him doing it. When our dd got married 5 years ago he even asked her for a photo we had taken of me with all 3 of our dc. I find it creepy and unnecessary and can only think he does it to annoy me and new dh.

I praise you couldn't do it. But you seem to have control of the situation not her your winning!

I have the opposite problem. My ex’s wife seeks my friendship and I want nothing to do with her. I also reminisce about happy times together to my kids and family. I guess she is stuck in a pattern of doing this ... most people will be admiring your handling of her words, riding above is by far the best way to deal with her... x

I see my partner's ex wife at family occasions and they talk of their time together and reminisce about the children etc. It is just part of their shared history and that of their children. It is better for the family if everyone gets on together and has happy memories. He is with you now not his ex wife so he obviously chooses to be with you. You cannot change the past but it is better that it is remembered fondly and not with bitterness. Just try to let it go as you have been doing.

To be honest I would find it hard to be part of a group that has my dh ex.wife in.
I know I would find it very hard to let it go when she mentioned certain things.

I think you're doing the right thing by remaining diplomatic and just trying to change the subject. You could say gently, "You talk about him quite a lot, it's nice to know you have happy memories, however ..."

"But there is a time and place"

Just so sodapop

But there is a time and place paddyann
I guess there is no chance of friendship there then crazyH

I am an ex wife . I am not at all friendly with his new wife..in fact I despise her, not because she took my husband away, but because of the vicious liar and master manipulator that she is.

He WAS part of her life should she just ignore it? Isn't it better that she has happy memories of him rather than be bitter and twisted? Are there children of the marriage? Then she must have needed to talk to them about their father. Have you closed down all memories of your life before you met him?

That's annoying holidaynana but she obviously feels the need to stake a claim. As momb said just rise above it. Her loss your gain.