The ex wife

I don't mind the ex wife, however, it seems she has issues with either my OH or me as she has told their DS's that she won't visit incase we are there - quick phonecall would tell her yay or nay but she seems unable to call to check and uses us as an excuse as to not visit. She is remarried and each time my OH seemed to he moving on she stopped contact, but now they are adults she has no control

Noddinggangan, rings a bell with me ..... I know where you're coming from xx

As an ex wife, although my first husband is now deceased, when my daughters are round, we occasionally talk about ‘remember when’ which may include my ex hubby. At first I would feel uncomfortable if my now hubby was there, but now I just think, he knew I came with baggage and I can’t ignore that we did have happy times as a family. Not sure I would want to have been socialising with him and any new beau’s though.

My ex married and so did I, we had no children together but our business and social lives overlapped in a smallish community for several years and I liked, and thought I got on with, his wife. I divorced and moved away but on a visit back to my home area called on the family and was welcomed with open arms. One of the DDs called the old dog in:- 'Here Maggie' !!! (My name!!) LOL! I looked at my ex and said 'No' he nodded and we both collapsed with laughter to the bemusement of the DCs who had not spotted our communication. I had honestly never realised that his DW had any kind of problem with me - just shows how well she hid it. So sometimes it is best to send a loud & clear message.

Lilylilo no, I don't; but purely by choice rather than lack of opportunity. I don't want one. It doesn't fit with my faith. Once married one is married for life. That which God has joined together etc. My ex-H would very much like me to have another partner and has told our adult children that he had expected me to have on by now.
I am extremely happy alone. Ex-H was very controlling but controlling to the point that I wasn't allowed to work after we had our children, but stayed home, looking after them whilst he travelled the world in an exciting job with a large expense account. He was, at that time, extremely successful so I suppose I lived the life of Reilly with help in the home and garden etc. I loved being with my children. My ex-H never HAD to do a school run in his life. He did the occasional one when he was, "working from home" which he did periodically, but that was purely from choice, never necessity.
I think that's part of the problem that he, still, clearly has with me, that in his eyes I haven't, "moved on". I have absolutely moved on, just not in a way approved by ex-H so, obviously, that doesn't count!
I have no problem with his remarriage. I don't wish to spend time with him or her. Sometimes we have to though because of shared children and nothing can alter the fact that they're our children and nothing to do with his new wife. One cannot re-write history, however much one would like to. They need to realise this and not be so bitchy. All our children have had graduations. All three were given four tickets to each. All three originally wanted their two parents and two siblings at their graduation. At DD1's ex-H refused to have a family photo taken. Okay, I know we are no longer a, "family" in the old fashioned sense but we are DD1's blood relations and the, "family" she grew up in until she was 19 and it was her day, not his. DD1 couldn't attend DS's because of professional commitments so that meant there was a ticket for new wife.
DD2 didn't want him or her at her graduation and DS was busy so only DD1 and I went.

Spot on, I spend more time trying to decipher the stupid abbreviations than reading the post lol.

sodapop your "harsh" is my realistic. No reason why folk can't just jump in and get on with it, but without criticising.

Back to op!
Since our divorce 25 years ago, after 25 years of marriage, I am happy to say that I count my ex and his wife as good friends. She was not in any way involved in the split and they met up again after several years. She had been a close friend at uni and attended our wedding in 1969.
Now we happily share a big blended family and they are about to downsize and move closer.

Bit harsh mcem Happy New Year to you too.

For all those complaining about the abbreviations.
There are 2 threads currently discussing this topic so why hijack this thread?
The use of abbreviations and acronyms is not compulsory. If you don't like them, don't use them.
They are an established convention on this site and others, and deciphering them is hardly an intellectual challenge.
The more active you are on GN the more familiar they'll become.
Many of these usernames are new/unfamiliar, which would seem to indicate that you haven't really become involved yet.
Don't you think it's just a bit rude to join a group (this one or any other) and criticise well-established habits and methods?
It's unlikely to change so I suggest you get on with it and enjoy 2way communication !!
HNY?

repeat twice a day till you grasp the concept:

I owe myself an apology for all the shit I let slide and all the shit I chose to deal with and accept. I will never apologize for reaching my bitch level especially since she's never apologized to me for treating me like shit in the first place. The fault is hers, the blame rests with her. I deserve better.

Me too .in Aus dh means someone not very !

Moonbather: Totally agree. It must be pure laziness.

Moonbather, I hate the abbreviations they really irk me. I never use them, I love the posts and can identify with a lot of them and feel empathy for some, as can most people, but I do think that middle aged (plus) women using acronyms sounds a bit daft and are best left to the younger generation.

Moonbather, like you,I hate all those abbreviations.

Spot on Lilylilo .............

I have been married 3 times, H no1 no contact after divorce, no children. H no2, some contact but DD & I moved 250 miles away, no social meetings, he died when DD was 19.

H no3 had his S & DD living with him, we used to meet occassionaly, Boxing Day was a big family gathering, fortunately I wasn't involved in the break up.

DH's ex never boasted about their almost 25 year marriage but obviously there were shared memories between family & friends however I was welcomed by every-one so I never felt jealous

NoddingGanGan
Do you have another partner now? I think it all makes a difference if all ex's are happily remarried or partnered but that isn't always the case and sometimes this leads to the problems that OH has. My OH'S ex has had many relationships as well as other children and I do feel that she is not happy with her current husband and that is why she is constantly in touch with my husband. As you get older you sometimes wish thing had been different.

I am an ex-wife and I can't think of anything worse than spending time with my ex and his current spouse! However, as he and I have children together who are all now young adults it is inevitable that we will cross paths however much we'd rather not. DD1 is getting married next year, for example.
I will not be going out of my way to find excuses to talk about our time together, but nor will I cry shy of any anecdote which might be pertinent in a conversation at the time.
I don't want him back and she's more than welcome to him, but the fact remains that he is the father of my children and not hers and, therefore, there's much that we both value in our lives tied up with each other. The precious years of their growing up is our shared history and she will just have to pull on her big girls' pants and deal with it because I won't be going out of my way to modify my conversation because of her sensibilities.

I have been with my husband for over 35 years and altho we are not in the same friendship group his ex wife and I do have several acquaintances in common plus we live near each other. She has married twice since and has other children from her second marriage' and I now on her 3rd marriage. She is in constant touch with my husband, now because of joint grandchildren as well! and has even suggested popping in with a grandson, my husband and she see each other all the time to collect this particular child from school etc etc. I really don't want anything to do with her, my husband tries to resist the continual 'let's go to the school play together' let's take him to a panto together, let's go to see our daughter together 'etcetcetc. It is incredibly irritating but at least I am able to keep my distance. With OP she is stuck unless she finds another friendship group!
I just wish my OH's ex would concentrate on her current husband.

vickya perhaps it is Dumb ex-Husband!

Moonbather I find them irritating too, especially the silly ones like DexH . How is he still darling??

Onestepbeyond you remind me of when I was much younger, I had a friend whose husband was very handsome - and flirty - and women were forever coming on to him. His wife took no prisoners in telling them that she was on to them, and to back off. It used to amuse us all - most of all, him!

To all who grumble about the abbreviations, the list is on this link:

www.gransnet.com/info/acronyms

Lots of us find them annoying but it's part and parcel of this site. I don't often use them myself.

Re the OP (Original Post) - some people are just thoughtless or thick skinned - have you tried just telling her (sweetly of course) that you'd rather she didn't do that? If she is your friend, she will understand. If she's doing it on purpose then it's a different matter. Good luck!