Absent grown up children.

oops! Meant to say that what makes my DDs a bit busier than me is the current expectations that kids " do" so much out of school stuff! I did not drive when my kids were at primary so if we could not get there easily on a bus/ train or foot it did not happen. Othewise I would be mother to amazong musicians, athletes and dancers ???

Maimeo
Mmm, sad but true. We cannot go back but we can at least recognise in our children, the way we were at the same age and not berate them for being distant in manner or unthinking.
Being mum is often a bittersweet experience.
I wonder how the majority of fathers feel?

I often went home to visit my parents once I had left home.. but they still had my younger brothers at home so were quite busy! They helped with childcare when I first went back to work. I guess I saw them weekly until they died, when I was in my 30s.

Gabriella, I could have written your post about not keeping in touch with your parents when you were first working. I too was always “too busy” to phone or call my parents when I lived in the same city, not genuinely uncaring but just the thoughtlessness of youth. Even when my mother was widowed young, and I had got married, I didn’t see her very frequently and she must have been so lonely. Luckily in later years we became close and I nursed her devotedly in her final illness, but I have often felt so guilty about my thoughtlessness in earlier years. Imagine my dismay when I see history repeating itself with my own adult children. My married DS sees us frequently as I mind DGS once a week, but our other AC obviously regard it as a chore and a duty to phone or see us. But I say nothing and pretend I don’t notice as I hated feeling pressured by my own parents back then...... what goes around comes around

I hope when the time comes that I need more help that my son will be there for me, just like he has for his in-laws these past twenty years.

Yes, Mycatisahacker you are probably correct, nevertheless, it was a lonely life for her from her early 40s until her death at 81.
If we could but put the wisdom of years on young shoulders...

Gabriella as a fellow nurse who enjoyed nursing home living back in the much better day I think it’s testomy to your mums ability to cope with your brother? Probably she was very relived that you were enjoying life and coping. She needed you to cope without her and you did

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Lilly Is there any reason why you do not like Gabriella?

Even if there is, please stop being rude to her on thread. Apart from anything else feuding is so boring for others and interferes in the flow of a thread.

I think all of us have members we warm to, others we don't and others we take against, I find it easier to just ignore those whom I have grown to dislike,

We had a bit of this a while back. I posted on here about how upsetting it was. However, it is much better now thankfully. Hang on in there. Things can change.

Adult child

What is an AC please?

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Harry Chapin wrote and performed Cat's in the cradle x

Oh no! Not just 4. Many more than that.
Now put your needle away because it's having no effect whatsoever on me.
You need a softer target.

Skimmed milk masquerades as cream.

A nurse , a lawyer, a lion tamer and a gardener all at the same time.

Lily65
Appearances are not all they seem.
I may possibly be all fur coat and no knickers.
Are you jealous of anyone who can successfully have more than one job?

I find it quite comforting to know that I am not the only one whose family can seem to ‘forget’ them, even though I know it’s because they are so busy with their own lives. When I was first married, I hardly saw my own mum because she lived in another area and phones weren’t so readily available then, but we exchanged letters now and again.

I have now learnt to get on with my own life, but we still keep in touch via Facebook, FaceTime and messenger. They will usually send me a message if something special or different is going on in their lives.

I think sometimes, because we see and hear of all these ‘perfect’ families who always seem to spend quality time with each other and never fall out, that we have either not brought our kids up right or that they don’t love us enough, so to hear on these sights that a lot of what we think is just our families behaviour is in fact pretty normal.

This site has educated me in so many ways. It has helped me when I have been thinking ‘am I the only one’, when I have been feeling down about something, but also made me grateful that I still have a happy, healthy family who I still see and hear from and love.

You appear to have had at least 4 professions G?

*put out...soz 4 typos.

*between

I must be honest here...
My dad died when I was 17 and older brother already married and in own home. Little brother (5yrs old). I left asap to be student nurse (living in) and poor mum was left alone to find a job which fitted in with caring for a 5 yr old. Luckily, she became a bursar at the same infant/ junior school thanks to her background (pre marriage) at ICI.
To my shame, I hardly ever rang home although we had 2 phones on the landing of the nurses floor, yet during the first year, I still went home on days off but spent most of that time sleeping and clubbing.
The second year, when we could live out and I shared a flat with two others. The days and nights blurred brtween work, our social life and sleeping and I hardly ever went home...or phoned, although we did have a phone in the house.
Thinking about it through the years that have passed, I am much much more aware of how mum must have felt. I only wish I'd had that awareness at the time...when it mattered.
I wasn't a selfish girl, just unthinking and I mentally thank her, often, for a wonderful childhood and for giving us our freedom without recriminations.
That is why I don't wonder why or feel put put if I don't hear from any of my AC for a week or two...or more.
It would indeed be hypocritical.

Why is the dil tongue tied with you though? We have 4 adult kids. 3 lads, 2 married and a dd. All live local and from day 1 we bent over backwards to welcome serious partners into the family.

Not always easy as one dil is a tad unstable but we are always there for her as much as possible and will always babysit etc.

My parents are in their 80s and need lots of help and much as I love them it’s sometimes a chore.

Not really Getting this generation of being so busy really. It’s a myth. Everyone was busy for generations with kids. We just spent less time on ourselves and social media. It’s a cop out.

Yes keep it up crazy, it's so worth it.I've got the same dil too ! My DGS is a teenager, so inbetween trying to keep a conversation going between them and a teenager too its very difficult as you can imagine.Good luck .

Katy, Lucky, glad I'm not the only one. I see what you mean, "stuck what to talk about".
Went there this morning (pre-arranged ofcourse) . I'm so glad that the little 4 year old was there to break the awkward silences. Daughter-in-law who is normally very chatty in social situations, seems to be tongue tied in my presence. It's hard work, but to keep seeing the grandkids, got to put with it.