I miss my grandson

Sad story.

Just to say, that having been through a divorce myself, I have never heard of one being granted without signatures on both sides?

Surely there should have been a shared parenting order ?

Unless there's been proof of abuse the " absent " parent should have been granted access to the child in all cases of separation/divorce.

Did your son have a solicitor ? If not, he needs one now.

Are you sure that your DS is telling you everything? I don't see how the ex could have got a divorce without your son's knowledge and also why hasn't your son been to court himself for custody/visitation?

Is is possible that your DS has been sort of passive in the process and not responded to court papers and allowed his ex to get default judgments? Perhaps it is easier for him to tell you that it is all the fault of the "evil ex", especially as he knows you don't like her, than to tell you the truth that he hasn't bothered to engage with the legal process?

I’m very sorry OP. But I do not believe that your son is telling you the whole truth.

I don’t think your son has told you the full story. That’s not to say that your daughter-in-law isn’t being unreasonable, but his/your account of the divorce and subsequent child access issues just doesn’t make sense if he is in the U.K.
I agree with the previous poster that it’s easier for him for you to pin everything on his ex.
No family judge would say someone was “the best mum/dad ever” they might say something along the lines of “irrespective of the problems you may have experienced as a couple, there is no evidence that Mr X is other than a caring and responsible parent...” - But why would your son’s parenting be being discussed in proceedings unless child arrangements were under consideration, and if there were, how does your son explain the lack of a court order establishing child contact? Given the judge’s view that he is “the best dad ever”?
Surely you can see this doesn’t add up.
Possibilities include-
a) As the previous poster suggested, he’s been totally passive and not tried for formal arrangements with respect to his son, or engaged with the divorce process.
b) He did pursue arrangements for his son but the judge decided it wasn’t in the child’s best interests.
c) An order giving him access was made but ex DIL has been obstructive since the incident two years ago and son hasn’t gone back to court to resolve it.

Prior to this incident, how much time did your grandson spend with your son?
DIL clearly didn’t stop you having access to your grandson for the 5 years between the divorce and the alleged incident.
I’d be sitting down with my son and asking him, to talk me through it all as it’s hard to make sense of.

I’m guessing by your language you are in the USA.

Which is now a predominately 50/50 custody country.

So for your son to have not seen his son in 2 years. Something pretty substantial is missing.

Get a lawyer. This is a highly complicated situation and I am afraid I agree with other posters; I do not think you have been given the full picture here.

Adoption would sever your son's parental rights completely, thereby ensuring you would have no standing to pursue a grandparents rights case, if that is what you are considering.

If you do not get some legal advice pretty sharpish, events will move on regardless without your input.

Is this your first post Mimi ?
It sounds a very complicated problem your daughter in law told the judge your son was abusive but he got off as she told them he was a wonderful father That sounds pretty muddled
He was divorced without knowing anything about it ?? How can that be
You were accused of inappropriate behaviour but you weren’t charged with it, so presumably it went to court so she must have had some evevidenc for it to get to court
Has your son applied to the courts to see his child ?

I think here in the U.K. , you don't need both signatures, if you have been separated for 5 years. That's my understanding.

Loulelady, you’ve misread the OP completely as far as your comments about the judge’s remarks are concerned.

Tartlet, - thanks for pointing that out, I don’t know how I misread it.

OP apologies for that, but it still doesn’t fit, why were your son’s parenting abilities under discussion if it wasn’t because an order as to child arrangements was being made?

IMO your son should refuse to sign the adoption papers.

I gather the accusation that your grandson had touched his half-sister inappropriately was a lie.

How old were the children when this is supposed to have happened? If the boy was 7 and the girl younger, surely they were still at an age where it was silly and harmful to make too big an issue of touching wee-wees or whatever they were caught doing?

If she is older than him, there might be a case for keeping the children apart, but what has it to do with you? Was it supposed to have happened while the children were with you.

I can't make head nor tail of this story - but I can imagine that you are missing your GS and I am sorry to hear that. It must be very painful for you.

Just saw this, Mimi, and I'm so very sorry! My heart goes out to you! I know your own heart is aching! Like pps (previous posters), I feel there is more to this story than you're being told. I hope ds is fighting this legally and that you will all have contact with gs again soon. You and yours will be in my prayers...