Gransnet forums

I miss my grandson

(16 Posts)
mimi1971 Thu 31-Jan-19 18:57:12

I am not sure if I am looking for help or just an ear. I have been dealing with my situation since March 2017. It was the year my oldest grandson turned 7. Up until that month, life was amazing. I had 4 grandson and I was the happiest Mimi in the world.

We had our oldest grandson for the weekend and on Sunday he went home. the next weekend we got the worst news of our lives. My son called and said his ex wife told him that none of us would ever see our grandson again. he asked why and was never given an explanation except that our grandson was caught touching his half sister inapproprietly and that we were to blame. My world ended that day.

Here is a little insight to my story.

My grandson was born in Jan of 2010. I was thrilled and overjoyed. I helped raise my grandson for the first year of his life since my son and his girlfriend were young. I loved my grandson. He was amazing. My son married his girlfriend when our grandson was 7 months old and they were divorced 10 months later. That is where my story starts. It explains the daughter in law. Somehow she got the divorce without my sons knowledge. She even filed paperwork while living with him. He had no idea.

then she filed papers saying my son was abusive and that was thrown out of court because my ex daughter in law told the judge that my son was the best dad ever. When asked why she filed the papers for abuse she told the judge she was mad.

So long story short, we have had lies, lots of lies, and I was accused of some sort of inappropriete behavior which i was never charged with. Just hear say. She said CPS was called. Which is was not. Lie Number 57.

So today, two years later, no word from my grandson, no pictures, no talks, no visits. She ignores us completely and has now sent my son petition for adoption papers. Why because he hasnt seen his son in two years. Why, because she wont let us see him. She is a horrible person.

Is there anything I can do.

phoenix Thu 31-Jan-19 19:08:49

Sad story.

Just to say, that having been through a divorce myself, I have never heard of one being granted without signatures on both sides?

EllanVannin Thu 31-Jan-19 19:22:41

Surely there should have been a shared parenting order ?

EllanVannin Thu 31-Jan-19 19:25:49

Unless there's been proof of abuse the " absent " parent should have been granted access to the child in all cases of separation/divorce.

Did your son have a solicitor ? If not, he needs one now.

Cold Thu 31-Jan-19 19:32:27

Are you sure that your DS is telling you everything? I don't see how the ex could have got a divorce without your son's knowledge and also why hasn't your son been to court himself for custody/visitation?

Is is possible that your DS has been sort of passive in the process and not responded to court papers and allowed his ex to get default judgments? Perhaps it is easier for him to tell you that it is all the fault of the "evil ex", especially as he knows you don't like her, than to tell you the truth that he hasn't bothered to engage with the legal process?

Bibbity Thu 31-Jan-19 19:53:04

I’m very sorry OP. But I do not believe that your son is telling you the whole truth.

Loulelady Thu 31-Jan-19 20:17:39

I don’t think your son has told you the full story. That’s not to say that your daughter-in-law isn’t being unreasonable, but his/your account of the divorce and subsequent child access issues just doesn’t make sense if he is in the U.K.
I agree with the previous poster that it’s easier for him for you to pin everything on his ex.
No family judge would say someone was “the best mum/dad ever” they might say something along the lines of “irrespective of the problems you may have experienced as a couple, there is no evidence that Mr X is other than a caring and responsible parent...” - But why would your son’s parenting be being discussed in proceedings unless child arrangements were under consideration, and if there were, how does your son explain the lack of a court order establishing child contact? Given the judge’s view that he is “the best dad ever”?
Surely you can see this doesn’t add up.
Possibilities include-
a) As the previous poster suggested, he’s been totally passive and not tried for formal arrangements with respect to his son, or engaged with the divorce process.
b) He did pursue arrangements for his son but the judge decided it wasn’t in the child’s best interests.
c) An order giving him access was made but ex DIL has been obstructive since the incident two years ago and son hasn’t gone back to court to resolve it.

Prior to this incident, how much time did your grandson spend with your son?
DIL clearly didn’t stop you having access to your grandson for the 5 years between the divorce and the alleged incident.
I’d be sitting down with my son and asking him, to talk me through it all as it’s hard to make sense of.

Bibbity Thu 31-Jan-19 20:21:40

I’m guessing by your language you are in the USA.

Which is now a predominately 50/50 custody country.

So for your son to have not seen his son in 2 years. Something pretty substantial is missing.

muffinthemoo Thu 31-Jan-19 20:51:04

Get a lawyer. This is a highly complicated situation and I am afraid I agree with other posters; I do not think you have been given the full picture here.

Adoption would sever your son's parental rights completely, thereby ensuring you would have no standing to pursue a grandparents rights case, if that is what you are considering.

If you do not get some legal advice pretty sharpish, events will move on regardless without your input.

BlueBelle Thu 31-Jan-19 21:18:06

Is this your first post Mimi ?
It sounds a very complicated problem your daughter in law told the judge your son was abusive but he got off as she told them he was a wonderful father That sounds pretty muddled
He was divorced without knowing anything about it ?? How can that be
You were accused of inappropriate behaviour but you weren’t charged with it, so presumably it went to court so she must have had some evevidenc for it to get to court
Has your son applied to the courts to see his child ?

crazyH Thu 31-Jan-19 23:07:39

I think here in the U.K. , you don't need both signatures, if you have been separated for 5 years. That's my understanding.

Tartlet Fri 01-Feb-19 03:35:56

Loulelady, you’ve misread the OP completely as far as your comments about the judge’s remarks are concerned.

Loulelady Fri 01-Feb-19 09:30:17

Tartlet, - thanks for pointing that out, I don’t know how I misread it.

OP apologies for that, but it still doesn’t fit, why were your son’s parenting abilities under discussion if it wasn’t because an order as to child arrangements was being made?

grandtanteJE65 Sun 03-Feb-19 11:48:36

IMO your son should refuse to sign the adoption papers.

I gather the accusation that your grandson had touched his half-sister inappropriately was a lie.

How old were the children when this is supposed to have happened? If the boy was 7 and the girl younger, surely they were still at an age where it was silly and harmful to make too big an issue of touching wee-wees or whatever they were caught doing?

If she is older than him, there might be a case for keeping the children apart, but what has it to do with you? Was it supposed to have happened while the children were with you.

Luckygirl Sun 03-Feb-19 11:59:24

I can't make head nor tail of this story - but I can imagine that you are missing your GS and I am sorry to hear that. It must be very painful for you.

Starlady Sat 16-Feb-19 17:48:57

Just saw this, Mimi, and I'm so very sorry! My heart goes out to you! I know your own heart is aching! Like pps (previous posters), I feel there is more to this story than you're being told. I hope ds is fighting this legally and that you will all have contact with gs again soon. You and yours will be in my prayers...