Gransnet forums

Friendships

(19 Posts)
grannyactivist Thu 07-Feb-19 14:15:53

I have friends, male and female, across a great spectrum of age and culture, and so does my husband, although more of his are a similar age to him. I have complete trust in my man, as he does in me and so having friends of the opposite sex has never been an issue. A few years ago we realised that a majority of our joint friends were actually mine and my husband has since made a few more friendships of his own and now has a lovely group of, mostly men, friends. A few days ago he had four of them here for a meal that I left them to get on with whilst I took myself off to do other things - and I loved hearing their laughter and obvious camaraderie.

What's the situation for you? Do you have lots of friends or a few? Same sex or opposite? Are your friendships a cause of friction or a boon? Are your friends spread around geographically or nearby?

PECS Thu 07-Feb-19 14:39:31

Well we have 2 groups of shared friends. One originates through teenage 'boys' my DH was at school with & their partners. I knew them from when I was 15 when I met DH. Though we are now spread all over we make an effort to meet twice a year as a gang and obviously when we might happen to be nearby someone's home for some reason.
Our other, more local group inSth London, grew from when DH & I were students living up the road from DHs college lecturer. We babysat for him & his wife and are now close friends and through them met their friends and neighbours who are now also our good friends. We socialse a lot together in varous combinations depending on interests! I have m&f school friends& former work colleagues and more recent local women friends that I meet up with . DH has regular meet ups, mixed gender, with former work colleagues too.

Luckygirl Thu 07-Feb-19 15:32:17

We used to have friends - but when you are no longer able to go out to meals etc. as you used to, because one has a disabling illness, they soon drop away. Our oldest friends, with whom we used to holiday each year when our children were young, used to visit from their home (about 40 miles away) at least 4 x a year - but now they do not bother - and hardly email - it is always me who emails them.

Locally there are friends (but not especially close ones) and I do go out sometimes and lunch with them. One of those friends whose OH had a stroke said that it taught her who her friends were, as her experience has been similar.

I understand the difficulty that friends have - OH is embarrassed about how he is, so visiting us is a strain; and going to their homes or out for a meal is a non-starter; and we cannot share outings with them; and inviting just me means that OH is left on his own.

I am not angry with them; just sad.

Anja Thu 07-Feb-19 15:40:25

Lucky you certainly find out who your true friends are in situations like that x

stella1949 Thu 07-Feb-19 16:08:13

When we married 12 years ago we moved to another town, close to my family but not near his. We volunteer at our local museum / belong to the historical society, and we have a few friends from that activity, but not particularly close.

Most of our good friendships are long-distance ones, people we've known since school and work. We see them rarely, but are close and keep in touch with emails and phone calls.

We mainly socialise with family, and are happy with that. Neither of us is outgoing, and we don't miss having a lot of friends as some do. We're just happy with our own company.

ninathenana Thu 07-Feb-19 16:09:32

My closest friend and I met in our teens. Her DH and mine who met through us are friends too. I have another good friend whom I met at mother and toddler, (our DH's never really got on) and we would have play dates when the children were young, we have stayed friends but our DD's certainly haven't !
DH has a friend he worked with for years and we see him and his wife as a foursome. He also has a couple of mates he used to play rugby with.
It wouldn't bother either of us if the other had friend of the opposite sex.
We have shared friends and individual friends.

EllanVannin Thu 07-Feb-19 16:50:38

I have 3 long-standing friends, one who was born in the next bed to me at hospital, one whose family lived next door ( still does in the old house ) in the '40's and we grew up together, along with her brother and older sister ( we all still communicate ) and the third who I trained with in the 60's.

Then at work I made 4 more friends who along with myself meet up every 2 or 3 months at each other's houses as we have done for years now. We're due another meet-up soon.
All scattered around either on this side of the water or across out of Liverpool.

Sadly throughout last year from the start I lost a further 3 close friends one of whom we holidayed together for years. I've had/have an abundance of friends and it gives you a lovely feeling besides catching up with life for each of us.

KatyK Thu 07-Feb-19 18:33:05

I must be a bit odd. I'm not really interested in having friends, maybe because I have sisters who I'm very close to. I have a friend who I've known for 50 years but she's in a different part of the country so I rarely see her, although we do keep in touch. I meet up occasionally with some ex colleagues for lunch but mostly it's them doing the contacting. I'm hopeless. To be honest I find it a bit of a chore. My DH is the same.

Telly Thu 07-Feb-19 18:58:23

I have a few friends, but it does get more difficult to maintain friendships because of illness, I am in a similar situation to Luckygirl. I had a lovely Christmas card from a very old friend, it was one of those special ones, she had written some lovely words inside. However when I was taking the cards down after Christmas I re-read the words and thought, that's all very well but my DH has been so ill last year and she has phoned just once. I was initially going to keep the card, but I put it in the recycling. Actions speak louder than words.

MargaretX Thu 07-Feb-19 18:59:33

KatyK you sound very much like me. My oldest friend has dementia and I simply could not replace her. I see her and her DH and he talks to me and as we all go back 35 years it does us good ,too to talk about old times.

As for a house full of friends I just could not be bothered. I like my computer and watch opera on U tube and then play the piano and do my French homework and go once a week to a language course
DH is at home a lot and just keeping the house going takes up a lot of time as we are both 80.
Looking back I was never one for a crowd of friends and tend to avoid large gatherings of the Bridge Club.

sodapop Thu 07-Feb-19 19:30:19

We have separate and joint friends and go out with both. It's good to have different groups, gives us both something to talk about and a change of views. We enjoy our own company as well so life is good.

paddyann Thu 07-Feb-19 19:43:59

katyk I'm much the same I have old friends who I see now and again but to be honest aftera lifetime of working with the public I quite like not having people around.I do see my family a lot and care for the GC so its not as if I'm a recluse .I do like my own company though on the days when I dont work .

cornergran Thu 07-Feb-19 20:23:27

We’ve moved areas so many times that people have been left behind. There are eight or so good friends scattered around the U.K., one going back to school days. Few are within easy travelling distance. Some have been ‘ours’ from the beginning, some mine initially but now firmly ‘ours’. There are a couple of new friends locally, women, who are definitely ‘my’ friends and some others who are becoming ‘ours’. I was surprised how many new friends there actually are. We both like our own company, alone and together, which means we can sometimes keep people at arms length. We’re all different that’s for sure.

12Michael Fri 08-Feb-19 06:44:00

Friendships is one thing I like, where you get to become friends with someone , casual hellos etc .
Then maybe exchange addresses, and other related things .
Meet ups depending where you are located.
Coffee in a cafe is one way, preferred to a pub which can be noisy.
Mick

Susan56 Fri 08-Feb-19 07:32:45

I have about half a dozen friends who I will see every couple of months and a few long distance friends I keep in touch with through messenger.Like Katyk I find keeping up with meeting people quite a chore although when I make the effort I really enjoy the meet ups.We spend a lot of time with family.I am another one who likes my own company.My husband has always been a lone wolf as his grandma called him.

Urmstongran Fri 08-Feb-19 08:04:47

I am blessed with many friends, some from 40y ago, others newer. Some we see as couples, others I see on my own and then it’s nice to come home and tell my husband what we got up to. Tonight my husband is off out to the club for a pint at 9pm and I shall be happy here, cosy with a glass 🥃 and in charge of the remote control!

Iam64 Fri 08-Feb-19 08:08:09

We are part of a couple of groups, book clubs and others which mean we meet up regularly with good friends we've known or met throughout our 37 years together.
Mr Iam is part of a couple of groups of men who go walking together, holiday in interesting historical places (no beaches see)
I go away with women friends and we both have separate interests.
I hope we can keep up with friends for as long as possible. Some live in our town, others a 40 min drive or so away. We have gone through all the stuff that life gives us, bereavements, family difficulties, marriages/separations in our adult children, arrival of grandchildren and so on. I find it a source of support to have close friends of our generation.

dragonfly46 Fri 08-Feb-19 08:25:57

I have really good friend scattered around the globe. I find it easy to make friends and recently I have found out which ones really care.

My husband has some good friends he met at uni who we still have regular contact with but when he was working he didn’t really make friends. On retirement he formed a group of friends at the golf club.

I have no siblings so and my family are in the south so I need my friends especially at the moment. I often go to book club, NWR etc alone but DH is happy to stay at home.

Anniebach Fri 08-Feb-19 08:47:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.