Adult single daughter

Have you ever thought that maybe she doesn't want children? It might be that she really enjoys the life she has that's how she wants it to stay?

You say that you think she wants that, but has she actually expressed any interest in settling down

Yes I have wondered that of course; its not even about the children really, its more about her having someone around - her Dad and I won't be here for ever!

She wouldn't be alone. From what you've said she has good relationships with her friends.

If your daughter's thoughts were that " life was passing her by " then it would have shown itself well before now but that doesn't appear so with her.
It's your husband and yourself who seem to be doing the " worrying " while your daughter appears to be quite happy in her present situation.

Online dating isn't something that I'd go for as my personal opinion is that nobody with any decency advertises themselves. Why would they have to ??
There will be a " Mr Right " somewhere-----there's a lid for every pot.

I think we sometimes forget that our children view the world through their own eyes and experiences. We have all our own baggage acquired from our upbringings and past. We might see our grown child as 'single and on her/his own' whilst their own view is quite different. I'd be wary of instigating a conversation about her life choices......its different if she starts a conversation about it....but honestly being single, independent and socially active might well be a choice. Life has so many options and luckily the younger people of today can take quite different paths. My Grandmother married the first and only man she met and settled down to a dreary life of drudgery and a childbirth that nearly killed her. Our Mothers had little choice, most saw it as their destiny to marry and have families......you can see where I'm going with this...If she raises the subject you can offer your opinion...but otherwise just be happy she's happy healthy and enjoys her life.

You could be describing one of my lovely nieces GrandmaPam. My niece has a brilliant relationship with, and is very close to, her immediate family; she has a cat, always has a sister/mum/auntie/friend to holiday or socialise with; a well paid job that she loves; several nieces to dote on - and a friend's dog to take for walks. She is a very content young woman. Occasionally she goes out with a male friend and has had a couple of brief relationships, but says she has no need of 'settling' for someone and would rather stay single.
Her family have all come to recognise that she will either be entirely swept off her feet by someone very special or she will happily continue her life as it is.

Your daughter sounds like an intelligent well balanced woman GrandmaPam why should she change her life style now. I'm sure she has thought of all the points you mention. Be grateful her life is fulfilled even if its not the way you want. You only have to read some posts on GN to realise that having a partner and/or children is not good for everyone.

I do remember reading a while ago that many women are look for 'Mr Perfect' as opposed to 'Mr Good Enough', while waiting they eventually find out that he does not exist. Of course this may well not apply to your DD if she has never had a serious relationship. Is it possible that she is just not interested? In which case there is no point is thinking about it. I would also suggest that she is much more up to date with the possibilities of online dating than you would imagine. She seems to have a good life, so I would just leave her be.

Thanks to everyone who sent in these thoughts whilst I just popped out for lunch! Amazing responses and I feel so much better now. Funnily enough Grannyactivist, she too had a cat who sadly passed away and I know she misses that company, but I'm sure she can sort that out. I feel relieved that the concensus is to leave well alone and that what will be, will be - that was my thought really, but I did wonder if I should be offering advice of any sort - I can relax a bit now, knowing that it really isn't my responsibility . Thanks everyone

GrandmaPam......she's only 35. Give her time. Rather stay single than marry the wrong one. My daughter is divorced, she meets , dates and then moves on.....an attitude I don't like. Our childrens' lives are not our responsibility but it should be of some concern to us.
My daughter takes my advice with a pinch of salt , so I have stopped advising her. Hope your daughter and mine find someone nice to settle down with xx

You know lots of people who have partners are desperately lonely! Being in a couple doesn't necessarily mean you are ring fenced from loneliness!

My DH is a lovely man but he just isnt interested in socialising. He is likable and makes friends but makes no effort to keep in touch with any of them so people drift out of his life and he is fine with that.
Sometimes I wish I wasnt the only one of us who brings and keeps friends into our lifes. He is for example never invited to visit anyone and the only weddings we go to are family or MY friends. Its really not that he isnt likable he just has no interest in keeping in touch with people and never feels lonely.

This makes ME lonely. Im jealous of my friends who know a whole second bunch of friends via their husbands. If I dont arrange socialising, none happens! I would like to be able to tag along with HIS friends sometimes but...

And single friends often assume that we are busy doing "couple stuff" so think my weekends are busy but we're not because theres only my friends not 2 bunches of friends.

So I often feel lonely. Im not single. My DH is a wonderful husband but there is more to lonliness than having a partner!

Your DD may not be lonely at all!

I'm sure you would hear about it if she felt life was 'passing her by'. My experience and that of a couple of friends with single daughters of that age with good careers would seem to suggest that they go on about it quite a bit if it's an issue for them. ?

It sounds just the same as my youngest son, he is 30 and quite happy being single. Has the occasional short term relationship but as soon as the girls start getting serious or clingy he says no thanks. He is trying hard to get his foot on the housing ladder (not easy with our house prices) but always says it will be his house and no one elses lol. He has seen a few of his friends having to sell their homes when relationships have gone sour.
He has a busy social life and some really good friends, his time is his own to enjoy as he pleases. Quite sensible I think!
I would imagine your daughter is of a similar mindset.

This is probably the first time in history that women have had a choice to live happily and financially secure on their own. If your daughter hasn't said anything much she is most likely perfectly happy and if she isn't only she can change things.

Thanks again for all the input...the general opinion seems to be to leave well along (and I'm happy to do that!) I must add that I hope I didn't come across as someone who believes a woman has to be defined by a man and that relationship - I absolutely don't; but I want her to be happy and not to always be the third wheel, if you like, as is so often the case. As everyone says, as long as she's happy, that's great. Good advice everyone - feel better now

Her life sounds ideal to me!

She sounds happy, fulfilled, successful and independent.
We don't need a significant other to make us happy. Not all relationships are good or life-long. Some people don't want children.

Two of my four adult children are without partners and children and very happy. Whether they hanker about finding "the right one" I can't say but there is much to be said for being childless too.

If she has spoken about having a family of her own and seems sad, then worry for her, but why worry when everything in her world seems to be ok?

Sorry GrandmaPam. I didn't read your last post before posting mine, but sounds like we concur

GrandmaPam My daughter was 4 when she told me that she did not want to be a Mummy when she grew up. About 20 when she decided that she did not want to marry or commit herself to a close relationship.

She is now 45 and hasn't changed her mind one iota. Like your daughter she has a good job, her own house. She has lots of friends and a busy social life. She adores her niece and nephew and they return the love,

The point I am making, like those of other people on this thread, is that marriage has never been perceived to be the be all and end all of men's lives and their is no reason for that to apply to women either.

Perhaps she has mad the decision to stay single, but does not want to tell you because she knows it would upset you or you would try to persuade her otherwise. DD has told me me because she knew I would accept it in the way I accepted her precocious decision not to have children and never tried at any point in her childhood to make her think otherwise or say she would change her mind.

Of course there have been times when I have worried about what will happen when she grows old, I have been sad that she has missed the experience of a happy marriage and children, but she has made her decisions and I support her.

And that is all you can do. Leave her as she is. She has an enjoyable life that many an unhappily married or childless woman who desperately wants children would envy. Let it be.

I've got a son like that! My 2nd son is almost 35, has got a good job, good wage, his own house and car, no debts. He goes out with, and on holidays with, a group of friends (men and women), and keeps himself busy. He's good-looking, slim, well-dressed, intelligent.

He used to live with a woman a few years ago. They split up(she's single too), and he's been on dates with women. He has never wanted children but is great with nieces and nephews.

I worry that he'll be alone in his old age.

Those parents who worry that their children will be alone / lonely in old age if they don't have children.....don't worry, it may never happen.

I used to work in an old folk's home, and it was often the ones with children, who never had a visitor from one month to the next. Those without children, often had many visitors because they had really good old friends. You can never assume that having a family means you won't be lonely.

excellent point stella1949 we all know you pick and chose your friends...but you can't your family!

GrandmaPam, I so understand where you're coming from. I think I would have the same concerns if I were in your shoes. I get it. But I agree with others that if DD seems happy and isn't expressing any issues of her own, then she's probably ok just as she is. Yes, maybe she's holding out. for a certain type of man, or maybe she's decided she'd rather be single, or maybe she has a secret relationship she'd rather not tell anyone about, for whatever reason. Who knows? I'm glad you've decided to "leave well enough alone." It will just cause tension between you if you try to influence her to "find someone."

Message withdrawn at poster's request.